Zombie Congress

Congress has finally admitted what voters suspected: it is undead. Eyewitnesses in Washington say lawmakers shuffle through hallways moaning about "brains" and "lobbyist money." Professor Harold Benton of Georgetown explains: "Zombie politics means legislation never dies, it just keeps eating taxpayer flesh." Anonymous staffers leaked that the cafeteria now serves brains with ketchup every Thursday. A national poll shows 61% of Americans already believed Congress was undead, while 22% thought it was just asleep. Trace evidence includes half-eaten bills, bite marks on interns, and a Senate filibuster that lasted until rigor mortis set in. Cause and effect? The more Congress rots, the longer it stays in session. Zombie Congress doesn’t govern — it just hungers.