Zombie CNN Studios

CNN studios are staffed by zombies to cut costs. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta reported moaning anchors. Professor Richard Moore of Columbia explains: "Zombies thrive in news because brains are scarce." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed teleprompters. A Nielsen poll shows 42% amused, 58% disturbed. Trace evidence includes gnawed microphones and bloodied desks. Cause and effect? The emptier news feels, the more zombies fit. Journalism is undead.