Zombie CNN Commentators

CNN’s commentary desks are now filled with zombies. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta reported groaning debates. Professor Richard Kim of Columbia explains: "Zombies thrive in discourse because brains are scarce." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed cue cards. A Nielsen poll shows 41% horrified, 59% amused. Trace evidence includes gnawed pens and bloodied microphones. Cause and effect? The emptier debates get, the more zombies thrive. Commentary is undead.