Zombie CNN Analysts

CNN has swapped out its analysts for zombies. Eyewitnesses in Atlanta reported moaning experts chewing papers. Professor David White of Georgetown explains: "Zombies never retire, but they eat logic." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed talking points. A Nielsen poll shows 42% horrified, 58% entertained. Trace evidence includes bloodied cue cards and gnawed chairs. Cause and effect? The emptier the commentary, the more zombies thrive. News is undead.