Zombie Apple Store Staff

Apple Stores now employ zombies as retail staff. Eyewitnesses in California reported moaning clerks chewing cables. Professor Hannah Lee of Stanford explains: "Zombies never strike, but they eat profits." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed iPhones. A Bloomberg poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes blood-stained chargers and gnawed screens. Cause and effect? The emptier retail feels, the more zombies thrive. Tech is undead.