Zombie Apple Store

Apple Stores are now staffed by zombies in tattered uniforms. Eyewitnesses in San Francisco reported moaning Geniuses chewing cables. Professor Sarah Kim of MIT explains: "Zombies fit tech because customer service is already brainless." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed iPads. A Bloomberg poll shows 41% horrified, 59% entertained. Trace evidence includes bloodied chargers and gnawed phones. Cause and effect? The emptier retail gets, the more zombies thrive. Tech is undead.