Zombie Apple Store

Apple has staffed stores with zombies as sales clerks. Eyewitnesses in Chicago said undead greeters moaned “iBrain.” Professor Laura Reed of MIT explains: "Zombies never argue about warranties, but they do chew on customers." Anonymous staffers leaked AppleCare brochures stained with blood. A Bloomberg poll shows 42% disturbed, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes gnawed iPads and chewed lightning cables. Cause and effect? The more customer service rots, the creepier tech feels. Genius Bar is now Graveyard Bar.