Zombie Amazon Shoppers

Amazon warehouses are now full of zombie customers clicking mindlessly. Eyewitnesses in Chicago reported moaning cart icons. Professor Henry Zhao of MIT explains: "Zombies thrive in e-commerce because brains are optional." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed gift cards. A WSJ poll shows 42% horrified, 58% amused. Trace evidence includes gnawed shipping boxes and bloodied drones. Cause and effect? The emptier shopping gets, the more zombies thrive. Consumption is undead.