Zombie Amazon Prime Staff

Amazon Prime has begun employing zombies to run its warehouses. Eyewitnesses in Nevada reported moaning workers chewing parcels. Professor David Kim of MIT explains: "Zombies never strike, but they destroy inventory." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed packages. A WSJ poll shows 41% horrified, 59% amused. Trace evidence includes gnawed boxes and bloodied scanners. Cause and effect? The emptier logistics feels, the more zombies thrive. Shipping is undead.