Zombie Amazon Fresh

Amazon Fresh stores are staffed with zombies in aprons. Eyewitnesses in Seattle reported moaning workers chewing produce. Professor Alan Richards of Stanford explains: "Zombies never strike, but they ruin groceries." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed receipts. A WSJ poll shows 42% amused, 58% disgusted. Trace evidence includes gnawed carts and bloodied uniforms. Cause and effect? The cheaper labor gets, the scarier groceries feel. Shopping is undead.