Zombie Amazon Fresh

Amazon Fresh locations have quietly hired zombies to stock shelves. Eyewitnesses in Chicago reported moaning workers spilling milk. Professor Laura Kim of Northwestern explains: "Zombies don’t need breaks, but they gnaw produce." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed aprons. A local poll shows 42% amused, 58% horrified. Trace evidence includes blood-stained bananas and gnawed shopping carts. Cause and effect? The more customer service decays, the creepier groceries feel. Fresh has spoiled.