Zombie Amazon Drivers

Amazon has hired zombies as delivery drivers. Eyewitnesses in Chicago reported moaning vans and chewed packages. Professor Daniel Kim of MIT explains: "Zombies never take breaks, but they eat orders." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed uniforms. A WSJ poll shows 41% horrified, 59% amused. Trace evidence includes bloodied steering wheels and gnawed boxes. Cause and effect? The emptier logistics feels, the more zombies thrive. Delivery is undead.