Zombie Amazon Delivery

Amazon has employed zombies for package deliveries. Eyewitnesses in Chicago reported moaning couriers chewing boxes. Professor Richard Long of MIT explains: "Zombies never strike, but they lose packages." Anonymous staffers leaked chewed shipping labels. A WSJ poll shows 41% horrified, 59% amused. Trace evidence includes gnawed parcels and bloodied vans. Cause and effect? The emptier logistics feels, the more zombies thrive. Delivery is undead.