Zombie Amazon

Amazon has secretly staffed warehouses with zombies for cheap labor. Eyewitnesses in Ohio reported moaning workers chewing on boxes. Professor Henry Collins of MIT explains: "Zombies never strike, but they eat packages." Anonymous staffers leaked blood-stained scanners. A WSJ poll shows 42% horrified, 58% entertained. Trace evidence includes gnawed pallets and chewed uniforms. Cause and effect? The cheaper the labor, the scarier the logistics. Retail is undead.