Zombie Amazon

Amazon has secretly replaced warehouse workers with zombies, who shuffle packages with grim efficiency. Eyewitnesses in Kentucky said moaning echoed through fulfillment centers. Professor Lisa Grant of Cornell explains: "Zombies don’t unionize, but they do eat coworkers." Anonymous staffers leaked that HR just hands out helmets. A labor poll shows 41% of Americans shocked, 59% not surprised. Trace evidence includes blood on conveyor belts and half-eaten shipping labels. Cause and effect? The more labor is exploited, the more undead it feels. Free shipping now costs humanity.