Your Teen's Porn
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Suitable for 12-18 years Pornography: talking about it with teenagers 12-18 years
Last updated or reviewed 15-04-2022
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Pornography is sexually explicit material that aims to arouse people who are looking at it.
There are different types of pornography. Some pornography can send negative messages like these:
Talking about pornography is one of the best ways to protect your child from the influence of pornography.
You could start a conversation by talking about something you and your child have seen in a movie, TV show, YouTube video and so on. Or you could ask your child some questions. For example:
It’s important to listen and be open to what your child has to say. If your child has questions, it’s best to answer them briefly and honestly. If you don’t know the answers, it’s OK to say so. You can tell your child you’ll think about it and get back to them.
Once you’ve started talking with your child about pornography, you might find talking gets easier the more you do it. Here are some important issues to talk about.
Why does online pornography exist? You can explain that some adults like looking at pornography, so people film or take photos of sex to make money.
Is porn sex like real sex? You can explain to your child that pornography isn’t real life. It’s often exaggerated and unsafe. You can explain that actors in pornography are being paid. They have to do what they’re told and look like they’re having a great time – even when the sex is violent, non-consensual, boring or unenjoyable.
And real bodies aren’t the same as porn actors’ bodies. For example, the actors might have had their bodies modified or enhanced in various ways.
What are the risks of pornography? Teenagers who look at pornography regularly might develop unhealthy or stereotypical views about gender roles, sex and sexual performance. These views can make it harder for them to develop respectful and enjoyable sexual relationships.
It’s important for your child to know that fulfilling relationships are about emotional closeness and trust as well as mutually enjoyable sex. You can help your child understand this by talking about what respectful relationships look and feel like.
For example, you could say, ‘Pornography can make violent sex and disrespectful relationships seem normal. You might think that’s what you should do in real life. But in real life it’s important to show care and respect when you’re intimate with someone. You should always be certain you’re only doing things that both of you really want to do.’
If your child has seen pornography, it’s important to stay calm .
Staying calm will help you to talk with your child in a caring, constructive and supportive way. It will also help you to work out:
It’s important to let your child know that it’s normal and OK to be interested in sex and sexuality and that they’re not in trouble.
If your child is regularly seeking out pornography while alone , consider talking with your child about why they’re looking at pornography, whether they think it’s a good idea, and why.
If your child is looking at pornography to find out more about sex , you could help your child find better information sources.
If your child is looking at pornography for sexual arousal , you could talk with your child about how often and what sort of pornography they’re looking at. You can tell your child that it’s OK to be interested in sex and seek sexual arousal but that using pornography regularly can get in the way of forming and enjoying positive relationships.
If your child is concerned that they can’t control their pornography use , suggest that you help your child seek professional support. Your GP is a good place to start.
If your child is 13-14 years, it’s OK to ask them to avoid pornography. You can check on how they feel about this and work together on reducing their chances of seeing pornography. If your child is aged 15-17 years, it’s best to ask them what they think they should do about their pornography use.
Young people are naturally curious about sex and relationships. They might look at pornography for sexual arousal, out of curiosity or for information about sex.
Teenagers might watch pornography with their friends. This can be to build closer bonds with friends, to boost social status, or to encourage someone they like to have sex with them.
Children and teenagers mostly see pornography online.
There are also simulated sex acts or violent sexual content in TV programs like Game of Thrones or video games like Grand Theft Auto.
Talking about topics like pornography can be uncomfortable – for both you and your child. But there are ways to handle these conversations in positive ways. This video demonstrates ways to handle difficult conversations with teenagers. Staying calm and really listening make a great start. You can also use these conversations as opportunities to help your child make responsible decisions.
This article was developed in collaboration with Dr Joanne Orlando, Senior Lecturer, Early Childhood Education, Western Sydney University, and digital families expert; and Professor Lelia Green, Professor of Communications, School of Arts and Humanities, Edith Cowan University.
Armstrong, A., Quadara, A., El-Murr, A., & Latham, J. (2017). The effects of pornography on children and young people [Research snapshot] . Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/online_pornography-effects_on_children_young_people_snapshot.pdf.
Bőthe, B., Vaillancourt-Morel, M.P., Dion, J., Paquette, M.M., Massé-Pfister, M., Tóth-Király, I., & Bergeron, S. (2022). A longitudinal study of adolescents’ pornography use frequency, motivations, and problematic use before and during the COVID-19 pandemic. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51 , 139-156. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02282-4.
Horvath, M.A.H., Alys, L., Massey, K., Pina, A., Scally, M., & Adler, J.A. (2014). ‘Basically, porn is everywhere.’ A rapid evidence assessment on the effect that access and exposure to pornography has on children and young people . UK Office of the Children’s Commissioner. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/Basically_porn_is_everywhere.pdf.
Lim, M.S.C., Roode, K., Davis, A.C., & Wright C.J.C. (2021). Censorship is cancer. Young people’s support for pornography-related initiatives. Sex Education , 21 (6), 660-673. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2020.1845133.
Livingstone, S., & Mason, J. (2015). Sexual rights and sexual risks among youth online: A review of existing knowledge regarding children and young people’s developing sexuality in relation to new media environments . London School of Economics & The European NGO Alliance for Child Safety Online. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/64567/1/Livingstone_Review_on_Sexual_rights_and_sexual_risks_among_online_youth_Author_2015.pdf.
Martellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J.R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M.A.H. (2017). ‘… I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it …’: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people . National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children & UK Office of the Children’s Commissioner. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/1187/mdx-nspcc-occ-pornography-report.pdf.
Nash, V., Adler, J.R., Horvath, M.A.H., Livingstone, S., Marston, C., Owen, G., & Wright, J. (2015). Identifying the routes by which children view pornography online: Implications for future policy-makers seeking to limit viewing . UK Department for Culture, Media & Sport. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/65450/.
Our Watch. (2020). Background paper: Pornography, young people, and preventing violence against women . Our Watch. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from https://media-cdn.ourwatch.org.au/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2020/11/20022415/Pornography-young-people-preventing-violence.pdf.
Paasonen, S., Attwood, F., McKee, A., Mercer, J., & Smith, C. (2020). Objectification: On the difference between sex and sexism . Routledge.
Raine, G., Khouja, C., Scott, R., Wright. K., & Sowden, A.J. (2020). Pornography use and sexting amongst children and young people: A systematic overview of reviews. Systematic Reviews, 9 , Article e283 . https://doi.org/10.1186/s13643-020-01541-0.
Smith, C., Attwood, F., & Scott, R. (2019). Policy brief: Young people and digital intimacies. What is the evidence and what does it mean? Where next? University of Sunderland. Retrieved 9 February 2022 from https://sure.sunderland.ac.uk/id/eprint/11405/1/Young%20People%20and%20Digital%20Intimacies%20June%202019%20Final.pdf.
Tarrant, S. (2016). The pornography industry: What everyone needs to know . Oxford University Press.
Tsaliki, L., & Chronaki, D. (2020). Children’s sexuality in the context of digital media: Sexualisation, sexting and experiences with sexual content in a research perspective. In L. Green, D. Holloway, K. Stevenson, T. Leaver & L. Haddon (Eds), The Routledge companion to digital media and children (Part V, Chap. 40). Taylor and Francis.
Sexting is using digital technology to send sexual images, video or messages. Help teens make responsible choices by talking about respect and sexting risks.
Relationships and romance: pre-teens and teenagers
Pre-teen and teen romance and relationships often involve exploring emotions, intimacy and sexual feelings. Guidance and acceptance are important to teens.
Getting and giving sexual consent: talking with teenagers
Consent is essential to healthy, safe sexual experiences for teenagers. To give and get sexual consent, teens need to communicate respectfully and clearly.
Problematic and harmful sexual behaviour in children and teenagers
Most sexual behaviour in childhood and adolescence is typical and healthy. But some sexual behaviour is problematic or harmful. It needs professional advice.
Preventing violence against women: teaching children about respect and gender equality
Prevention of violence against women starts with parents, children, respect and gender equality. You can be a role-model for respect towards women and girls.
Child sexual abuse: what it is and what to do
Child sexual abuse is when adults or older children involve children in sexual activity. Sexual abuse is never a child’s fault. Read how to protect children.
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Experts are warning of the harmful effects of pornography on teenagers.
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Children and teenagers who are exposed to pornography online are more likely to develop an addiction to smut than adults, according to researchers.
Teens young brains are “more wired for pleasure and so are more susceptible to fall prey to porn addiction because their brains release higher dosages of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that is associated with pleasurable feelings, The Wall Street Journal reported .
Sexual activity is known to stimulate the brain by releasing an excess dose of dopamine. In young people whose brains are particularly sensitive to overstimulation, exposure to porn could lead the brain to seek out the pleasurable dose in a compulsive manner.
Researchers have also found that repeated exposure to pornography makes whose who are “predisposed toward aggressive sexual behavior” more than four times more likely to display greater levels of sexual violence than their peers who consumed porn less frequently.
Another major study also found that young men who reported compulsive consumption of pornography had brain activity that mirrored those of drug addicts who were shown photographs of narcotics.
Meanwhile, a separate study found that some 42% of kids between the ages of 10 and 17 will have been exposed to pornographic material sometime during the previous 12 months.
Researchers warn that this prolonged exposure to pornography at such a young age could distort teens’ views on sex.
Billie Eilish, the 20-year-old Grammy Award-winning singer, has said that he believes a porn habit that he first developed at the age of 11 has “destroyed my brain.”
“I think porn is a disgrace. I used to watch a lot of porn, to be honest. I started watching porn when I was, like, 11,” Eilish told Howard Stern of SiriusXM Radio last year.
Eilish also admitted that she began watching more and more graphic types of pornography, which warped her ideas about sex and relationships.
“It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else unless it was violent, I didn’t think it was attractive,” she confessed.
Experts warn that parents and educators should refrain from inducing guilt or shame in teens by scolding them for watching porn.
A survey conducted by Los Angeles-based psychologist Nicole Prause found that nearly one in three young adult men who took part in a porn-abstinence program reported feeling suicidal after relapsing.
“If we shut down conversations and say, ‘Don’t watch porn, and if you do, it’s an addiction and it will rot your brain,’ that’s terrifying,” Prause told the Journal.
“It’s some of the messaging that’s making it worse.”
Experts recommend that parents filter explicit content on their kids’ devices. Apple offers a “Content and Privacy Restrictions” option in the “Screen Time” section of the settings menu on iPhones, iPads, and iPod Touch devices.
This allows parents to block “adult websites” from the devices.
Android-operated devices also offer content restrictions that can be activated by going to the Google Play Store and selecting “Parental controls.”
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https://www.wsj.com/articles/what-porn-does-to-teen-brainsand-how-to-keep-it-off-their-devices-11656718199
In the pre-internet days, teens stashed Playboy magazines under their beds or sneaked peeks at late-night movies on cable. Pornography was in limited supply, even for the most curious kids.
The world is different now. Many parents have expressed to me their concerns about how easily kids find porn online. Indiana University researchers, following a study last year , estimate that 80% of U.S. teens have seen it. Many kids in the U.S. have seen porn by age 10 .
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My husband and I have always had a minimal sex life. We dated for 12 years before we married, two years ago.
I’ve tried to get him to engage in more intimacy but have been repeatedly rejected.
Through his internet search history, I’ve discovered that he’s regularly masturbating to internet porn, usually 15 websites daily. His wastebasket is filled.
I became alarmed after noticing that he was doing this while I was at an appointment with my teenage daughters (from a prior marriage) and my other teenage daughter was still at home.
When I raised this, plus my concerns about pop-ups of teenage porn sex, he assured me he was just looking at “regular sex” porn.
He’s since set the computer to erase his history. But when I reset it, the pattern never changes.
I work out regularly and am in excellent shape for mid-50s, yet I feel so unattractive because of the lack of intimacy and his porn addiction. Is there any hope in getting help for this if he’s willing? I understand that most marriages end from this addiction.
Your attractiveness has nothing to do with his porn issue.
Focus on the very serious things that do: 1) Your husband’s interest in teen porn when he’s living with teenage stepdaughters; and 2) his disinterest in sex other than through porn.
There’s a chance for help only IF he’s willing to get addiction therapy, and also wants to eventually hav
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