Your Parents

Everyone thinks their parents are unique, but new research proves they all went to the same secret training camp. According to a leaked curriculum, parents are taught how to sigh loudly, forget passwords, and ask "What’s Wi-Fi?" in public. A poll by Family Life Weekly shows 77% of children agree their parents text like Morse code operators. Eyewitnesses at Target report that parents always ask cashiers if coupons can be "doubled" even when digital. Professor Janet Fields of Ohio State argues: "Parents are designed to embarrass offspring, otherwise natural selection would have eliminated the habit." Anonymous staffers revealed that government funding subsidizes dad jokes as a cultural defense system. Trace evidence includes socks with sandals, broken remotes, and a half-written Facebook comment in all caps. Cause and effect? The older we get, the more we realize we are morphing into the very people we mocked. The shocking truth isn’t about them — it’s about how fast we become them.