Your Fetish
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Your Fetish
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Identify your fetish. A fetish can be a sexual desire regarding almost anything imaginable. People have fetishes about feet, breasts, hands, fat stomachs, flatulence, amputated limbs, shoes, animals, animal furs, and thousands of other things. Learning to accept your fetish starts with identifying ways you are sexually aroused.
More men than women are thought to have fetishes, but this estimate is likely misleading. Because men tend to experience erections and consistent ejaculation, women and genderqueer people are less often identified as having fetishes in research studies.
At least 1/4 of the adult videos produced in the US depict fetishes.
Find others who share your fetish. Look for sex-positive centers and online groups that support exploring a wide variety of sexual expression. You can do an internet search for "sex-positive" + your fetish item. There are communities on social media as well. [1]
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The main thing you are looking for is open, honest communication regarding your fetish. If a website is attempting to sell you things, or make you feel ashamed about your fetish, consider moving on.
Your fetish may be exciting and feel risky, but it shouldn't actually expose you to genuine danger. Look for communities which employ safe sexual practices.
Online communities can be safe places to ask questions about your fetish, or to find items related to your fetish.
Consider whether your fetish harms anyone. While there's nothing wrong with having a fetish, it is never okay to cause harm to another person or yourself. Most of the time, fetishes do not result in harm to other people. Harm to yourself can happen primarily if you become so fixated on your fetish that it interferes with your relationship, your work, or your health. [2]
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Masturbating to fetishes might be a safe way to participate in certain fetishes that can't actually be safely practiced (such as sex with animals).
If you have a fetish that might result in physical injury to yourself or someone else, learn to engage in it safely. Talk to others in the fetish community about how to maintain safe sexual practices within your fetish.
Realize that fetishes and kinks are normal. Some researchers believe that fetishes are so common that they should be understood as being part of typical, healthy sexual exploration. Understanding your fetish as normal is an important step to take. If you don't accept your fetish as a normal part of yourself, you're unlikely to enjoy your fetish.
For many people, the fetish object only needs to be present at the beginning of a sexual encounter.
A fetish item can be something that you require to be present before becoming sexually aroused, or it might not be required for you to enjoy sex.
Explore your sexuality safely. To enjoy your fetish, remember to keep your sex practices safe, sane and consensual. It's important to remember to take care of yourself and your sexual partner, physically and emotionally.
Take precautions to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. You should always use barriers and condoms when appropriate.
Remember that communication is one of the most important parts of sexual intimacy, particularly when you're experimenting with something, or someone, new. Always communicate when you start to feel unsafe, and immediately respond to another person's indication of discomfort.
Avoid isolation. Isolation is the most common cause of depression associated with fetishes. If you don't find others engaged in your type of sexual fetish online, don't give up. Not every fetish group is found online. Visual images work well for some kinds of fetishes, but not others.
Some sorts of fetishes, such as diaper fetishes, are more taboo than others in contemporary American culture. If you have a taboo fetish, you're at higher than average risk for isolation and depression.
Remember that your sexuality is about more than your fetish. While your fetish may be an important factor of sexual fulfillment, it is not your identity.
Sexual frustration can result in depression. Talking to a sex-positive counselor or therapist may help you find support.
Introduce the topic of your fetish. If you're just meeting a new person, you might not want to introduce the topic on your first date, unless you've met through a special interest dating site. If you're already in a relationship and would like to introduce your fetish to your partner, start slowly. Talk about your fetish with acceptance. If you treat your fetish as a normal, safe experience, this increases the chance of your partner's accepting it this way too. [3]
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Your partner may already be aware of your interests, or she may not be.
Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, you may want to set aside time for a lengthy conversation on the fetish.
Take it slowly. Your partner may need some time and privacy to process the new information. Don't expect immediate understanding - though this might happen! Instead, follow your partner's lead. Allow your partner to understand your fetish at her own rate of speed. [4]
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Don't be ashamed. If you feel ashamed, you'll be sending a mixed message to your partner, and it will result in harm to your own self-esteem. There's nothing to be ashamed about.
You don't have to defend your fetish to anyone, so don't get defensive. Having a fetish is normal and natural.
Listen with understanding. Remember that you've already come to accept your fetish, which was likely a process. Your partner now has the opportunity to accept your fetish too. She might also reveal fetishes or sexual interests of her own. Allowing yourself to listen openly to her concerns, questions and reactions will help strengthen your relationship. [5]
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If your partner refuses to talk about your fetish, give it time. She may just need time to process, or she may be in denial.
Discussing fetishes might make some people nervous. Never force the conversation.
Ask questions. Your partner may not know how to ask questions about your fetish. You can be supportive by asking questions of her. For instance, learn more about her fears or curiosities about your fetish by asking questions. Don't assume that the questions must come from your partner.
Show her some online information that she can continue to explore on her own.
Remember, she may not know how to put her thoughts and feelings about your fetish into words. This will take time, but you can help through asking your own questions.
Share pictures, images or media of your fetish. This might help your partner understand what you want. Seeing pictures might help your partner view your fetish as normal, rather than something strange and scary. [6]
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If you've found a supportive community, you may have also found ways to introduce the topic of your fetish with your partner.
Sometimes you can find a group for people new to the fetish community which can be a resource for your partner to learn more about your fetish.
Never force your fetish on anyone else. Consent is essential in a healthy relationship. If you have different sexual needs than your partners, recognize this and seek alternatives. [7]
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A therapist or counselor may be able to help you through this juncture of your relationship.
Most sex-positive therapist support adapting the relationship to the needs of the person with the fetish rather than working to eliminate the fetish itself.
How do I approach a female friend about my foot fetish?
Broach the topic of fetishes, and if she seems open to it, talk more specifically about foot fetishes. If she seems uninterested or disgusted by foot fetishes, don't go further. However, if she is not put off by a conversation about foot fetishes, you can tell her about yours.
How do I tell my parents I have a fetish?
You don't. Ever. That's not a conversation I would recommend having. They don't need to know about your sex life.
My friend has a scat fetish. Should I accept this, or try get him help?
It really isn't any of your business. Leave him alone unless he asks for help.
What should I do if I don't like porn?
Don't watch it. Plenty of people don't like porn, there's nothing wrong with that.
How can I find someone to share my fetish with if I'm single?
Try online dating. State your fetish in your bio so anyone that swipes right knows what they are getting into.
Is it wrong for me to be lesbian and have a nylon bobby sock fetish?
No. Neither of those things is wrong, nor are they wrong in conjunction with each other.
Should I get rid of my fat fetish or keep it?
You can't really "get rid of" a fetish, but you can try to ignore it if you want. But as long as you're treating people with respect and obtaining consent, I don't see why you should have to.
How can I safely practice a fetish without anyone finding out?
You can just practice it in the comfort of your own home. If you need help or want to talk to people with the same fetish, I would suggest finding an online community centered on that fetish.
Is it normal to have an inflation fetish?
It might not be "normal," but it's not as uncommon as you might think.
A man asked me to take pictures of my feet and I said no, but now he won't leave me alone. What should I do?
If the man is contacting you online, then you should block all of his profiles so he cannot communicate with you. If that doesn't stop him, then you should let him know that if he doesn't stop contacting you, you will file a police report for harassment.
wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 35 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has been viewed 139,235 times.
82% of readers found this article helpful .
"My fetish is to be with two guys at the same time and was nervous how my bf would react. I was honest and he listened. We used multiple toys to practice until the point he was comfortable inviting a friend over for a play date. We both crave it now, thanks!" ..." more
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Last Updated: November 16, 2020
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Enjoying your fetish comes down to accepting that it's a natural part of your sexual desires and learning to communicate your needs openly with a partner. While many people think of fetishes as being outside the mainstream, many people have one or many. This is because a fetish can be anything—an object, a body part, or a situation. Once you come to accept it as normal, you'll be able to enjoy your fetish and feel sexually satisfied much more easily and healthily!
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