Younger Ugly Sister

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Younger Ugly Sister
What I'm really thinking: the ugly sister
'After the boys stopped drooling, they started being friendly to me to get closer to her'
'Valentine's Day was humiliating.' Illustration: Lo Cole for the Guardian
Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning
© 2022 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. (modern)
We both look like our parents. The trouble is, I have our father's fleshy nose and small eyes, and my sister has our mother's dainty nose and Bambi eyes.
In childhood, I was vaguely aware that I didn't get the same coos from relatives as my gorgeous little pixie of a sister. But the first proper realisation that she was prettier than me was when she started secondary school. My classmates were amazed we were related. After the boys stopped drooling, they started being friendly to me to get closer to her. Either that or asking why I wasn't as pretty as her. I became known as "J's sister", my own identity overshadowed by the radiant glow of her beauty.
Valentine's Day was humiliating – a sheaf of cards for her, one for me (from Dad). My parents treated us equally, always complimented us both, but given the heightened self-consciousness of adolescence, their praise felt hollow.
Being a bridesmaid with her felt like a cruel psychological experiment, our identical dresses highlighting our differences. Mine hung like a sack, hers flattered; my makeup looked heavy, hers enhanced her loveliness. The photos are painful to look at.
Now I'm an adult, I have come to terms with how I look. I understand that there is more to beauty than just physical appearance. But I still hesitate to introduce new partners to her. I know she would never try to steal them, but I feel they would take one look at her and think, "If only…" As I do myself.
Tell us what you're really thinking. Email mind@theguardian.com

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Here is a picture example of a model called Doutzen. She is regarded as one of our times most beautiful woman. She also has a sister Rens Kroes. She is a beautiful spirit but look at the difference beauty did to them. Doutzen earns 8 million per year while her sister does cookbooks.
I'm an ugly sister myself and I don't shit you when I say this. The pictures above is basically in the same line as how me (the ugly one) and my sister look apart like ( if this makes sense).
My sister has been scouted (means someone asked her to be a model). She has friends. She is beautiful. Everyone is so NICE to her. Every guy swoons at her.
Me? Don't even talk about it. I'm the evil ugly witch in every fairy tale.
Anyone with similar experiences? Lets all discuss by how life improves by leaps and bounds when being a beautiful woman.
I think the "ugly" sister is gorgeous.
Yes, her sister is a model, and about as close to the Western ideal of beauty as a woman can get, but she's a freaking super model. It's an unfair comparison.
The "ugly" sister's making cookbooks. That doesn't mean she's unhappy or depressed. Hell, it sounds like she's doing what she loves. You need to stop comparing yourself to your sister. Find what you love. Be happy.
You're probably not ugly. You're probably closer to average. And that's okay. You're not alone. Most of us are. But if you're depressed, if you don't smile or laugh, and if you have no zeal for life, that really does make you look unattractive.
Find your purpose in life. Be happy, be proud. Fix what you can about yourself. Exercise and diet, because it's good for you, and being healthy is attractive. If you're healthy, smiling, and quick to laugh, I bet you'll do just fine. Stop comparing yourself to others and instead focus that energy on improving yourself.
That "ugly" sister is still attractive to me. PLUS sounds like she can cook! VERY appealing quality in anybody!
Exactly. From the pictures OP chose you can tell that a lot of this is in her head, very sad. Heartbreakingly normal, women have been jealous of their sisters since time immemorial, but still sad. She's a classic tragic hero who's blind to her own folly.
I'm not going to lie to you - there are people in the world that treat people better when they are traditionally good looking, or conform to the latest "norms". That's a given, no getting around it.
You can't change how people react, you can only change you. Maybe think about your perspective on things. You have compared yourself to the evil ugly witch in every fairy tail. The evil ugly witch in Snow White was evil because of her own vanity and jealousy, not because of her looks. She only became an ugly witch when she was out trying to bring harm to Snow White. It was a mirror that told her Snow White was more beautiful, meaning it was her own neurosis. It was her mind that convinced her that not only was Snow White more beautiful, but that this was a bad thing, and that the Queen was nothing without her looks.
I hope you can see what I'm trying to get at. The problem here isn't that you are ugly. It's that you prioritise beauty. It's that you allow your vanity and jealousy to control you.
Thank you for the perspective. I've never really thought about it in that way. It just hurts. So much. It's not only that she is beautiful. It that our lives are so different. She is 20 I'm going 25. I was bullied in school. She wasn't. I failed high school (bad home, me being naive). She hasn't. I have no friends. She has. I'm ugly. She is beautiful. I fucking hate my life.
That's a pretty deep analysis of Snow White that I haven't ever considered. Thanks for making me think!
I think both women pictured are beautiful. Sure one might be seen as more "sexy" but I have seen some hideous, terrifying, ugly women. They might have problems in life, but if you have a cute smile, stay clean, dress well, and have a good attitude you need not worry. You will have your pick of decent guys.
I wouldn't say the "ugly" sister is ugly or bad looking
As you say, looks can change your life by a lot and are an important part of who you are. Unlike some others, I'm not gonna pretend they dont matter just to say something politically correct while its you who actually deals with it. Even if I know that's gonna get me downvoted.
The thing is: I may be mistaken, but siblings usually look alike, even in the pics you posted, the "ugly" sister is just bigger, but her facial traits are very good and I can see she would be very close to her sister with just losing weight.
What can you do to be prettier? Maybe losing weight, maybe its acne you can get rid of, I have no idea I havent seen you but I bet there is something. You said every guy swoons at your sister, but she's your sister, you probably arent that much different.
By the way, as a guy, I know we are said to be very superficial, and even pretend to be so ourselves, but I think (not only for myself but from other guy's behavior) that a girl's personality matters just as much, which is why I think your low confidence and depression are playing a huge part in that problems.
At 25 years old you are still young, by the way.
Dont worry about having no friends, having no friends is not a bad thing, you will make friends once you get out of this bad, lonely phase that is due to your insecurities, you sound like a solid girl to me.
My sister was the 'beautiful' sister in high school / throughout our childhood. Que drugs and drinking binges, jerk boyfriends.... Now she's 250 ibs with three kids and on anti depressants.
I've gained some self respect, am working on some mental health issues most of my family has but doesn't 'deal' with. I have a job, an amaaaaazing boyfriend. I've also lost 56 ibs.
Besides the fact that right now you feel like the 'ugly' sister, its stupid to compare yourself. you can be just as happy if not happier than your sister if you just do what you like enjoying and have friends / family that you enjoy. believe me, your sister is going to have to deal with her own bullshit in regards to becoming a model and she is probably going to be chewed up by the industry.
Also there is just as many men that WOULDN'T date or talk to that model that would talk / date her. Her life is going to be extremely limited to the superficial people that are comfortable in her presence.
Chances are your being exceptionally hard on yourself, neither of you is the "ugly sister" - you both have great facial structures! However, you might want to take a moment and analyse the fact that your comparing yourself to your sibling to see whos more physically attractive...perhaps not the best use of time for someone who clearly struggles with her image and self worth. You might not be ugly on the outside but this kind of self destructive method of thinking could leave you hallow and ugly on the inside if your not careful.
Both of those girls are very attractive. In fact, in my personal preference, I find the "ugly" sister to be far more attractive.
It's very likely they're both just doing what they love. One loves to cook, the other loves to model.
Comparison is such an ugly thing. It's nearly impossible to compare yourself to others without putting themselves above you. We all do this instinctively without even realizing! When you consider your sister to be so beautiful it's because those are your standards of beauty. Those are not everyone's standards. You should know that your sister is not every mans type just as you may not be. She is also not everyone's standard of friend. People that would consider you to be the perfect example of a friend may have not run into you just yet. Doesn't mean they won't! Just being happy and confident and loving yourself for what you have and who you are is the most beautiful thing and an incredibly attractive quality. If you feel the need to compare, focus on instead comparing the things that you can do/have/can provide that your sister can't. You obviously are a very thorough thinker and you're good at writing out your thoughts. Maybe that's something she can't do! You are beautiful. You are loved. Never forget that!
I have dated a couple of ugly women who were enthusiastic about sex. I rate them above the pretty, but uninterested women i've tried to date. and it's not just sex; it matters if someone is fun to be around and likes you.
I'm only 21 and my outlook on life might not be completely right, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
The way I see it, she will probably end up surrounding herself with people who only covet her for her looks, while you will probably surround yourself with people who like you, for you. You might think her life is amazing and be envious of her, but remember that she is human too. She will have her own set of problems in life and will not always be happy. You might not LOOK the prettiest, but I'm sure you have things that make you an awesome person too. If you get caught up too much on appearances and being envious of what other people have, you will never truly be happy.
Other people won't judge you based on what you don't have, they will always see the things that you do have.
There is no single road to life, there is no formula to happiness. I'm 100% sure that if you can learn to love yourself for who you are right now, or work on making yourself a better person you will start to love life more and bring more people around you.
I sincerely wish you the best and hope that you'll be happy
but the 'uglier' sister is hot, don't spend your life in her shadow.
I'm really sorry you are hurting this way. My appearance has always plagued me, and I can't help but compare myself to others either.
That being said - I have a flurry of BEAUTIFUL friends - some who are considered model material, others who aren't. Girls of all shapes and sizes, and due to their amazing personalities, and individual beauty, I have watched ALL these girls fall in love with various partners. It is not our looks that defines what we deserve, it's what's on the inside, and watching different people have meaningful and loving partnerships, regardless of their "beauty", is truly the only thing that has given me any degree of solace. And if anyone told me that one of my friends deserved love and happiness over the other, because of their physical appearance, I'd probably punch them in the eye.
Personally, I have issues to the point that I avoid leaving my house for weeks at a time. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is an international male model. I'm not even kidding - how is that for irony. And guess what? Not even his support and compliments (which he showers me with) make me feel better about my percieved ugliness. I am sharing this with you so you know that just because you believe yourself to be unattractive, you're probably in the minority with those beliefs.
The only thing that helps me is to "fake it till I make it" and not catastrophize something that ultimately isn't worth it and just upsets me more. It's not just your sisters "looks" that improve her life. It's the confidence she gained with it. You deserve that confidence too, and you can have it if you work hard and be your own best friend.
Trust me. Put on a brave face, act with the confidence you desire and slowly but surely, it will get better. We may not morph into victoria's secret models, but I bet you'll meet dozens of men who recognize you as the individual, beautiful, strong woman you've always been - maybe they'll even be able to convince you that you're all those things, too.
hey, i know exactly how you feel because I'm the ugly sister too. My older sister has stunning beauty, the kind which is undeniable, whereas I'm ok looking but currently have a puffy face so I look kinda ugly. And my family and sister tend to rub it in, so it makes things worse.
Ultimately, to be realistic, you can't tell someone to not let being the uglier one bother them. Sure it's vain bla bla but being a girl, especially in this world of selfies and facebook, it's kinda impossible to not let it get to you. And if looks is something that's important to you, you can't just turn it off and prioritise your personality etc.
So how do we deal with it? The way I've come to face it is 1- to accept I'll never be as stunning as my sister. When I get back to skinny I'll be gorgeous, but will NEVER have the kind of looks that she has. Just accept it. 2- be grateful for what you do have. I'm grateful I have the basics- nice features, good skin, teeth, hair, I don't have ie a huge nose or chin or look weird. 3- with this in mind, realize that ultimately you aren't that bad looking after all, only when you compare yourself to your sister. Like if you were to be amongst friends you may be the prettiest. 4- so the best thing is to do everything you can to maximize what you have, i.e. wear the right makeup, get slim and toned, dress with fashion sense.
When you do these you'll have your own brand of beauty, it'll still sting when a meant aunt points out that you're less pretty, but at least you'll have enough confidence to deflect it back. Hope this helps :)
First, learn not to compare. When you compare yourself to others, you immediately lose. Why? Because that way madness lies. Will you constantly be comparing yourself to women when you walk in a bar, go to a restaurant, join a gym or a social group? Don't be that woman.
Compare yourself to you. Know that you are someone's type. You are someone's ideal woman. You are more appealing to those folks than your sister. It's also a great indicator of how great a guy he is. If you are dating and he meets your sister--does he act weird or drop you for her? Not the dude for you.
Your sister has other issues. Sure, dudes fall all over themselves to get to her, but she also has to deal with a much higher proportion of scumbags and dudes only trying to sleep with her. You have a higher douchebag filter. So did I when I was 230 lbs. when I lost a lot of weight, a LOT of douchebags started hitting on me because I was more appealing. Ugh. I lost my douchebag filter.
Learn to appreciate what makes you awesome. Stop shallowly comparing yourself to folks around you. Instead, start to build your confidence--and fake it til you make it. It's ok to be insecure, but don't act insecure--THAT is uglier to people.
Know that you are someone's type. You are someone's ideal woman.
(not op) That is so true, that's all I ever think when I look at models and stuff. me and my boyfriend play the 'whose attractive' game and point out who each other likes and finds attractive in females. Totally different, there are many 'beautiful 10/10' women my boyfriend wouldn't touch with a nine foot pole. Everyone is attracted to different things. Having a generalized amount of attributes that make you appealing to a wide range of people like models do doesn't mean that everyone IS attracted to them, especially in person. In fact as you say they are more likely just to get the douche bags and scum bags.

me: *does absolutely nothing * Younger sister: *starts fake crying* Ahhhh mom dad she punched me! Parents: GROUNDED FOR LIFE YOUNG LADY
A beautiful and cute, she can deceive anyone and everyone of her true motives
Oh that's one heck of a younger sister
A theory that states that all younger sisters are either ugly, retarded or mind-numbingly annoying, no matter what. Sometimes, they can be a combination of these, or all three at once. These attributes are more pronounced the greater the age difference between the younger siter and her older sibling. If the older sibling dies, the younger sister becomes neutral until such time that a younger brother is born, in which case the Older Sister Theory will take effect . Similar to the Older Sister Theory, if there is a not-annoying, -retarded or -ugly younger sister, then one or more of the following must be true: 1. She is not blood related
2. She has a disease
3. She has addiction problems
4. She does not really have older siblings
5. You are living a lie
Example:
Guy1 "So your sister's a total twat, huh?"
Guy2 "Why would you say that?"
Guy1 "Younger Sister Theory."
Guy3 "Bitch must die !"
Guy2 "Actually, she's not that bad."
Guy1 "Dude! Seriously?!"
Guy2 "We aren't actually related, chill out."
Guy3 "Sweet! You into voyeurism ?"
When the older/ oldest sister of a family oftens engages in a relationship out of spite of her already engaged or further advanced younger sister. Generally moves in with her new man, gets engaged, married or pregnant all within the span of the younger's term of engagement. In the long run, not a wise decision.

Most people have witnessed at least two of these instances. General outcomes of " YSS " include but are not limited too:
1. a jailed husband (physical abuse, drugs, theft, video taping women at work, etc..)
2. A miserable 6 month marriage
3. single motherhood
4. self pity

Observer #1: "Jamie moved into her man's house, got pregnant and has quit he
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