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Key points
Porn may not be on most parents' list of things they need to discuss with their children, but it probably needs to be.
Erotic images are available anywhere there's internet and a device.
Some kids use adult entertainment as a source of information and education about sex.
By not addressing the existence of pornography, parents may be leaving kids open to otherwise preventable self-image and mental health issues.
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Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
Find a Treatment Center
Find a Psychiatrist
Find a Support Group
Find Teletherapy
Trending Topics
Coronavirus Disease 2019
Narcissism
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Affective Forecasting
Neuroscience
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
Posted October 14, 2022
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
Last week, I had an interview scheduled with essayist Rebecca Morrison. We planned to discuss body image for an article she’s writing, so I did what I do: I searched the web for her previous work. The following title, published in Salon , popped onto my screen: “Why I Started Watching Porn When I Turned 50.”
Huh? The subtitle read, “I suspected my teens knew more about porn than me. I didn't want to talk to them about it until I did some research.” OK, I was intrigued. While pornography had zero to do with our discussion topic, I couldn’t resist.
Rebecca wrote that she’d wanted to “satisfy her curiosity” and be knowledgeable for her teens. By the end, she’d reported learning, for example: why porn's so popular, the difference between "soft" porn vs. other ratings, how adult entertainment widely influenced personal hygiene styles, and how to find female-friendly sites with ethically-sourced porn (e.g., respectful and consenting, legally made, and celebrating sexual diversity). That all got me thinking.
I realized that my primary education in erotica happened in college in the 90s. Back then, to attain videos such as Mummy Dearest or Chatterbox (yup, her vagina spoke), we’d have to work for it. We’d physically get in a car and drive to a local video store. Then, there’d be that “back room” with the black curtain. We’d scan the store to make sure no one was looking and then we’d almost jump behind the fabric. With a racy video finally in hand, there’d be one more step to get the porn back to the dorm. We’d head to the checkout counter where (probably to make us goodie-goodies squirm) we’d hear, for example, “Your Edward Penishands is due back on Monday.” (Did he have to say the title so loudly?)
Notice all the effort that went into attaining erotica? None of that’s needed nowadays. Online, kids may accidentally type the wrong address or a well-intended search term that results in porn images. Kids can also get random adult entertainment popups. Pornography is available anywhere there's the internet and a device, such as at home, school, a classmate’s tablet, or a playground.
For adults, pornography use tends to be personal and often secret, and may be associated with feelings of shame. It makes sense that parents and guardians might prefer to avoid the topic with their kids. Yet, by not addressing porn, you may be leaving your kids open to otherwise preventable self-image and mental health issues—possibly even legal problems.
According to a study published in 2022, of the 385 undergraduates surveyed, “28.2 percent of males and 23.7 percent of females recalled their exposure [to porn] as occurring between 9 and 11 years" of age. A small number of participants were exposed even earlier.
Though COVID and lockdowns could have blown up the ability to trust existing studies and data, so far, research indicates that porn use by minors has remained fairly steady.
Various studies confirm that youngsters sometimes use pornography as a source of information and education about sex. A 2017 synthesis of articles, published by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, offered the following key messages:
While many parents hope and believe their kids won’t fall prey to influences based on violence or fantasy , that's not necessarily the case. For instance, a 2019 study suggested that exposure to violent porn may be one risk factor for teen dating violence (TDF). In the study, female adolescents who were exposed to violent porn were “over 1.5 times as likely to perpetrate physical and threatening TDV, whereas male adolescents who were exposed were over 3 times as likely to perpetrate sexual TDV.”
It may also be important to consider the various styles of sex that kids may be exposed to through porn, especially those that it's especially important to be thoughtful, safe, and mindfully consenting about (e.g., BDSM ).
Yes, the ongoing, built-in risk of kids witnessing adult sexualized stills and videos leaves a lot to discuss with innocent, young minds. When the time is appropriate, consider the following.
Please do what you need to ensure you can have the healthiest and most honest, helpful, protective, and shame-free conversation possible with your kid(s).
This blog is for informational purposes and does not provide therapy or professional advice.
Bernstein, S., Warburton, W., Bussey, K., & Sweller, N. (2022). Mind the gap: Internet pornography exposure, influence and problematic viewing amongst emerging adults. Sexuality, Research and Social Policy. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-022-00698-8
Bőthe, B., Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Dion, J., Paquette, M. M., Massé-Pfister, M., Tóth-Király, I., & Bergeron, S. (2022). A Longitudinal study of adolescents' pornography use frequency, motivations, and problematic use before and during the COVID-19 pandemic. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51 (1), 139–156. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02282-4
British Board of Film Classification. (n.d.) New research commissioned by the BBFC into the impact of pornography on children demonstrates significant support for age-verification. https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-us/news/children-see-pornography-as-young-…
Jochen, P. & Valkenburg, P. M., (2016). Adolescents and pornography: A review of 20 years of research. Journal of Sex Research, 53 (4-5), 509-531. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
Morrison, R. (2022, April 16). Why I started watching porn when I turned 50: I suspected my teens knew more about porn than me. I didn't want to talk to them about it until I did some research. Salon.com
Perry, D. L. (2016). The impact of pornography on children. American College of Pediatricians. https://acpeds.org/position-statements/the-impact-of-pornography-on-chi…
Quadara, A., El-Murr. A., & Latham, J. (2017). The effects of pornography on children and young people: An evidence scan. Melbourne, Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Rostad, W. L., Gittins-Stone, D., Huntington, C., Rizzo, C. J., Pearlman, D., & Orchowski, L. (2019). The association between exposure to violent pornography and teen dating violence in grade 10 high school students. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 48 (7), 2137–2147. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-1435-4
Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, MA, LMFT, LPCC, CEDS-S, is the author of MeaningFULL: 23 Life-Changing Stories of Conquering Dieting, Weight, and Body Image Issues.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
^ Jump up to: a b "Wetboek-online.nl | Pagina niet gevonden" .
^ Dutch Senate (2 July 1985). "Dutch Senate referencing the Chick-arrest" (in Dutch). Staten-Generaal Digitaal . Retrieved 21 December 2014 .
^ Howitt, Dennis ; Sheldon, Kerry (2007). Sex Offenders and the Internet . John Wiley & Sons . p. 75 . ISBN 978-0-470-02800-1 .
^ Beetstra, Tjalling (2009). Van kwaad tot erger. De sociale constructie van satanisch ritueel misbruik in de Verenigde Staten en Nederland [ From Bad to Worse. The Social Construction of Satanic Ritual Abuse in the United States and the Netherlands ] (Thesis) (in Dutch). Datawyse/Universitaire Pers Maastricht.
^ Van der Ploeg, Jan; De Groot, Roel, eds. (2010). "6.4 Is pedoseksualiteit schadelijk?" [6.4 Is Pedosexuality Harmful?]. Kindermishandeling: een complex probleem [ Child Abuse: A Complex Problem ] (in Dutch). Antwerpen: Garant. p. 110. ISBN 9789044125771 .
^ Tate, Tim (1990). Child Pornography: An Investigation . Methuen Publishing . p. 60. ISBN 978-0-413-61540-4 .
^ Schuijer, Jan; Rossen, Benjamin (1992). "The Trade in Child Pornography" . IPT Journal . Institute for Psychological Therapies . 4 . Retrieved 18 December 2009 .
^ Justitie (1 October 2002). Retrieved January 20, 2006. Archived April 19, 2006, at the Wayback Machine
^ Libbenga, Jan (21 February 2007). "Dutch demand ban of virtual child porn in Second Life" . The Register . Retrieved 18 December 2009 .
^ "Virtual child porn may be a crime in Netherlands" . Reuters . 21 February 2007 . Retrieved 18 December 2009 .
^ "Explosive rise in child porn websites" . DutchNews.nl . 11 April 2008 . Retrieved 18 December 2009 .
^ "Increased amount of child sexual abuse material detected in Europe" . ec.europa.eu . Retrieved 2022-03-12 .
Child pornography laws in the Netherlands declare child pornography illegal, making it one of the 103 out of 193 UN member states where it is illegal .
In the Netherlands, the definition of child pornography is: pictures (photos and videos) of sexual acts of someone that seems to be younger than 18 years.
In 1970, the publication of sex magazine Chick resulted in the Dutch "Chick-arrest" by the Supreme Court of the Netherlands , which in turn led to the new Dutch moral law of 1971 that no longer criminally sanctioned pornography. [2] As a result, child pornography also became effectively legal and Joop Wilhelmus started publishing child pornography magazine Lolita . [3] [4] [5] [6]
In 1984, a major police raid against child pornography occurred in the Netherlands. During the late 1970s, there had been media reports about the illicit trade, but there were few if any criminal investigations on the topic. [7]
On October 1, 2002, the Netherlands introduced legislation ( Bulletin of Acts and Decrees 470 ) which deemed "virtual child pornography" as illegal. [8] An attempt to test the law came in 2007, when the public prosecutor opened investigations into Second Life (the US based virtual world). [9] A number of Second Life users engage in sexual ageplay where their online avatars dress, act and look like underage children while engaging in virtual sexual acts. Although there is no Dutch law that legislates against under age depictions of sexual acts for computer generated images, the public prosecutor is investigating this on the basis that these virtual actions may incite child abuse in the real world. [10] So far this has not led to any successful prosecutions.
Press reports in 2008 described a large rise in the number of child pornography websites hosted in the Netherlands, increasing from 100 reports of sites in 2006 to 700 in 2007. [11]
In 2020 the European Commission reported that in 2019 The Netherlands hosted 71% of the child sexual abuse material detected in Europe by the Internet Watch Foundation , an increase from 47% in 2018. [12]
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