Young Wife Old Man

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Young Wife Old Man
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By SuperEnigma , 8 years ago on Affairs

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Married 35/33, wife very pretty, models make up occasionally, intelligent yes her full time job financial advisor; we have children of 2 and 4.
Ok she took some guitar tuition and has an affair with her tutor.
Strange part now, he is in his mid sixties and fairly fat.
It was not love or affection she says it was just sex?
I will not go into all the details of how I discovered this but I did and that was after the relationship had ended over two years past.
She found it almost impossible to discuss in depth initially; I left the subject for about 2 months at that time but waited until we returned from a night out and got her drunk and quizzed under the influence.
So he was very funny apparently and unknown to me she accompanied to a concert and so she went for a drink to his place after the concert and somehow it evolved into fun and games.
So she is slightly intoxicated and makes an error of judgement. I know drink is no excuse there had to be some desire there first but the drink would certainly evaporate the last residue of common sense. The most damming aspect is she still continues with this interesting extracurricular stuff for a few months after this, twice a week.
Right, initially I was beside myself with jealousy that was until I saw what this guy looked like and then it became laughable, a joke but still annoying.
I wanted to know why someone as beautiful as my wife would even entertain a man like this.From what I can deduce from my wife it was because she is small and he was large physically, every-way apparently, and when they were engaged in sex she felt he was in control which was a turn on for her.
OK I sort of took my wifes attraction to me for granted because we are comparable physically even our looks; I assumed we were a perfect match but obviously sometimes people want something different and I had never considered that before.
The affair is now behind us and we have moved on but I still ponder is my wife normal? Not in having an affair, what are the percentages in wife's having affairs? do not know but its not unheard off. But on the kind of lust or desire she exhibited, well to be honest it just seems weird for a woman to have sex with someone much older and uglier than herself.
When we are having sex now I sometimes wonder what she thinking about, just what pushes her button, that fat man? I could ask her but then that would drag up past once more just when we are trying to return to normal life; so I thought I would ask all you invisible people especially women what they make of it.
My state of mind has always been one of a pragmatist, I have children and they come first; therefore like a lot of things in life you just have to compromise, even if you do not want to admit it, how many are actually involved in an occupation they love, not many I suggest. So I have wife who is ideal for me in all respects but now she is slightly flawed, my concern though is by just how much?
well, she was spending time with him because he was teaching her to play the guitar. sometimes its not about how the person look. maybe it was his personality and demeanor that made him attractive. her being slightly intoxicated is no excuse. if she had affair after that night, I don't believe drinking played a part because it doesn't come to play those other time. she had the desire and was having fun so she just did it. that 60 year old guy knew she was married so he could of put a stop to it. but he didn't care. he was just selfish and probably liked it that a younger woman found him attractive. the point is u manage to get past it and work on ur marriage. u assuming attractive women will go for attractive men. that's not the case.
Well I appreciate that fact now, but for me it seems rather sordid and my wife never hinted at the kind of things that excited her before we were married and I certainly cannot replicate it. My friends always said I was naive around women but I thought they were joking. The thing is my wife comes across as sensible wife and yes she looks sexy but she does not flirt or anything. The more I think about it the more I am beginning to feel out my depth.
don't focus on what happen with that affair. ur still a good husband. she just got caught up with him and not the tutoring session. I guess that was a waste of money. people always say people cheat because something is lacking. have u been spending less time with her.
No we are both busy but we have a good family life. Another thing I would say though is since that time she has been more demanding sexually and sometimes a sense of frustration is there. I do not know what to do it about it but it is not that frequent so like everyone else she will have to control whatever it is she wants. Anyway she is due in soon so thanks anyway and I will sleep on the advice.
maybe she acting that way because she afraid of losing u. she probably regret what she did and trying to fix it in her own way. or maybe that affair brought out something that she wants from the marriage. maybe try counseling. this will allow u to both express ur feelings about the situation in a neutral environment.
Actually what she sees in me is the stability required to bring up our children but she probably finds that image boring sexually. Not long ago we were at the pool and I remarked about some guys weight but then jokingly added oh I forgot that is your type, she hardly responded but added almost without thinking he is not hairy enough. I guess that is what floats her boat but she is resigned to ignore it for the sake of our marriage and our children. I was wondering what impact libido has on common sense because for her I think it changes throughout the year or even monthly; when or whatever hormones are at their highest she struggling and I am pretty sure, actually I am just guessing, this has a lot to do with her desire. On those occasions it would only take for me to say go visit your old friend and she probably wouldn't be able to contain herself even though she would knew how wrong it was. No therapy in the world is going to solve that, I believe it is chemical and also why she finds men of certain look attractive is not something a conversation will change.
It is not that she doesn't find me attractive but ideally she would probably like me to put on weight, gain height and age about 30 years at weekends when the lights go out; she will just have to fantasise because that is impossible. So my original question was is she normal and you say women do not always go for attractive men, well my wife is certainly pushing the envelope there; it is almost comical but It reminds me of cartoon with a picture of two hi-fi amplifiers first one had an on and off button, that is the man and the other with loads of dials, buttons and lights that is the women.
What are you going to do about this state of affairs ?
Well it is not as if I have a wife who is frequently going out clubbing on her own and she would not get herself involved emotionally with someone. She had a strange affair with a man where the relationship could not develop into anything other what it was. Most people frequently see other people that they are attracted to but do not act upon it. There is a client of mine and when she arrives at the office every man there loses their concentration and practically all of them are married. It was just unfortunate that circumstance conspired to tempt my wife, affairs happen and you have to decide when personally faced with that situation what you are going to do. Certainly if I we had no children then that might alter things but for me marriage is primarily a security agreement for children, things would have to be really bad to make me quit.
It is strange but if had been someone like me she had an affair with well somehow that would be easier to accept, only then there would probably have been an emotional involvement. No the hard thing to accept in this situation is my wife is now a perv in my eyes; unfortunately when we are having sex I sometimes feel a sort of eroticism about her behaviour and then afterwards feel kind of disgusted by myself, tarnished even.
Apart from walking then there is nothing to do and I suppose what would make me feel better if I knew my wife was not in a minority of woman to have rather strange desires and impulses; because right now it still seems sort of freaky and unnatural.
I respect your view of things and your willingness to to tough it out !
You are a amazing person !
Sense of control, having the upper hand in the fling.
Being able to have fun and not feel guilty (with the other guy) about being selfish... he's the lucky one to be able to do anything with her. Not have a worry that she would get in over her head and care about having a relationship with the older guy.
Emotionally validates her. Gives her a sense of accomplishment, worth (other than worth of being attractive), or confidence. With the older guy just being someone different and the nature of the interaction being one that would deliver the emotionally validating gestures, it is not likely that she has had negative experiences.
Which gets me to the last point I want to make. It is an escape from reality. Escape from responsibility of the house, kids, finances, work, putting on a face (because she could really care less what is thought of her by this other guy), and you. Not to say you are bad. Everyone has times of frustration, years of saying little comments that just build up, or maybe something about herself that she feels that she is not good enough in your eyes. So she clings on where there is someone who does not have anything triggering negative memories or reminding of the everyday things that have become overwhelming in life.
Current frustration when being intimate now could be a bit of resentment that you took away her escape.
This is putting her into my shoes, but I read the question as you seeking answers from personal experience of why in the world would she do that.
Well my friend I am going through almost the same thing with a farmer that has a farm behind our house, he is 67. I don't get that atraction either
I think everyone has good advice here, but my only question is, what is your definition of slightly flawed? You asked how much is slightly flawed. To me, slightly flawed means, my man leaves the toilet seat up.
I don't know if I'd categorize my husband having an affair as slightly flawed. It all depends what kind of flaws you're willing to tolerate and live with.
Trust is a big part of a marriage. If trust is gone then the marriage is hugely flawed.
I wish you all the best in working through this and some couples can, it all depends on the individuals and the true love the marriage has in it.
If a woman pass a good amount of time with any man,she will melt like candle,except few.
Man always try to have sex with younger woman.
Hang in there man. I'm in the same boat as you, mid 40s and pretty successful and atttractive. My wife had a fling a few years ago with the most disgusting bald, fat pervert-he actually raped his sister as a young man. They met at church of all places, he was Parish Council President and she got involved heavily in church affairs. I guess they just spent a lot of time in a world I wasnt part of. My kids of all people busted her and their relationship is scarred, I found out and ar first she was defiant despite proof and insisted on her right to have her friends. It only ended after his wife found out and it just blew up. We separated for a short time and she returned tearfully to me promising to make things good. We moved away and went through counseling. We're ok now, but she's changed in a strange way from the trauma. Our sex life is also damaged. Just like your wife, she's just clammed up and I couldn't get her to examine or explain her actions. I have terrible thoughts and nightmares about it still, just visualizing this monster.
My wife also had an affair with a man 20 years older than her (late 60s), who she initially met via a business transaction but who she developed an emotional relationship with that quickly became sexual. She, while not a fashion model, is quite attractive, and is super smart, has a top paying job, and is also very talented as a musician... an “alpha-female”. As far as I can tell, she was in control... she signaled her availability, helped him change his medications which were causing him to be unable to perform. Before she met him, we were in a rough patch of our relationship, and on top of this, she had long term mood disorder issues. I suspected the affair immediately, within 24 hrs of her first sexual encounter, but when I confronted her, she admitted only to teasing him and promised to stop. Of course she then continued the affair, so I obtained incontrovertible proof. At this point, she said she would stop but refused to give up her “friendship”. What of course actually happened was a game of cat and mouse in which she continued the affair complete with secret phone and secret rendezvous etc for 2+ years. She eventually stopped... I think. We have kids, so like other posters, I am waiting out their childhood while trying to slowly normalize our relationship if I can. Trust is in the toilet, and I’ve also been made aware that she feels much more sexually compatible with him (frankly she’s never seemed very interested in me, not in 20 years, even though lovers prior to my marriage had very much the opposite reaction). So that makes it pretty awkward. We’ve tried counseling and it went nowhere (we were actually in counseling when the affair started). Her mood disorder gives her an easy cop-out when it comes to really trying to address the problems in our relationship. I don’t have a lot of hope left, but wanted to share in case others may benefit.

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4 pages July 11, 2013 Eearn The Necklace 
Easter Sunday had finally arrived. The crowd for the company’s Easter egg hunt was great—we had a huge turnout, and all of the sponsors came through with the finances. My two daughters were lining up to start the egg hunt when a giant Easter bunny appeared around the corner.
Are you in love with an unhappily married man? You know you are perfect for each other except for the fact that he is still with his wife. While the probability is highly unlikely that he will ever leave her. Remember, you cannot make someone leave. They have to do it voluntarily on their own. Peopl...

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