Young Teen Boy Masturbating

Young Teen Boy Masturbating

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Mental Health

Addiction

Anxiety

ADHD

Asperger's

Autism

Bipolar Disorder

Chronic Pain

Depression

Eating Disorders

Personality

Passive Aggression

Personality

Shyness

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Relationships

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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

Posted September 26, 2011

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Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Thank goodness that I can write to you anonymously about my teenage son and his masturbation habits.These topics are certainly not easy for me to talk or write about. I would love to compare notes with my friends who have teenage sons but I am scared to death that this information will leak to their sons and my son will end up getting teased. I would never want that to happen. I treat my relationships with my kids with much respect and care.
So, having said that, here is my issue: I am the mother of a 15-year-old teenager and a 10-year-old boy. The boys have separate bedrooms. Recently, I have become aware that my teenage son has been masturbating several times per week. I am basing this on physical evidence—the status of his bedding, sheets, etc. You get the picture. I don't know what the "normal" frequency is. I'm not sure if I should address this as a problem or not. My husband dismisses this issue. He says that this behavior is perfectly normal and, I quote, that I should "leave a box of tissues in the kid's room and leave him alone." He says that I should be happy that my son is a happy and healthy kid who is interested in his sexuality .
Dr. G., I don't want to make any mistakes here. My son is a good kid. His grades are fine and he has nice friends. I do not want to give you the impression that he runs to his bed at every possible opportunity. In fact, he doesn't spend much time in his room at all. His afterschool time is mostly spent playing sports.
So, what do you think? Does my son have a problem that requires some type of treatment? I certainly don't want to raise a sex addict. Please help.
First, I would like to commend you on a number of things. You respect your son's feelings and your relationship with him. That is excellent. You make it clear that your son's behavior in other areas of his life has not changed. That is very helpful information. I also agree that discussing this issue with a friend who may be even the slightest bit careless could certainly be a major misstep. Finally, talking with your husband and getting his input was also an excellent idea.
My advice provides guidelines only. The rules of masturbation and teenage boys have never been clearly established. Here is my attempt at it.
1. If your son is involved in all areas of his life and is not focusing exclusively on porn and masturbation then it is unlikely that he is developing a sex addiction .
2. If he seems comfortable with himself and is not showing signs of avoidance, confusion, and shame then I would guess that he is probably not experiencing these feelings to any problematic extent.
3. My suggestion is not to introduce shame to this equation. I believe that there is no need, in your particular case, to address your son's behavior directly.
4. Although your husband may have seemed dismissive, his idea about leaving a box of tissues in your son's room is actually not a bad idea. It may indirectly send the message that you are aware of your son's behavior and that you are responding to it in a casual and relaxed manner.
5. As a mother, you may have some discomfort with your son's developing sexuality. This is to be expected.
It sounds like you are a thoughtful, well-intentioned mother. Keep up the good work.
Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.

Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC

The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.

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My friend’s eldest son is four years older than mine. We both tell it like it is, so I look to her for what’s coming next. She’s a trove of information, or was — until her boy entered puberty, and she entered denial.
She was firm that her husband was the only man-child in their home. “Nothing’s going on with him yet. He must be on the later end.” She happily ignored his physical growth, likely intimate interactions with teenage girls, and she was certain he was not masturbating. It seemed to me probable that these things were happening, but what did I know?
Now that my son is 12-1/2, I know what she knew. It seems my son is following hers. Actually, it seems I am following her . “No sexual maturation and definitely no jerking off are happening in my home.”
While I don’t usually shy away from observing and discussing that which is in front of me, this I avoid at all costs. My fiancé and most other men I have asked agree that by the time they had enjoyed a year or two in double digits, they had enjoyed a night or two with themselves.
I’m not searching, but as a single mom and the sole parent in our house half the time, anything can happen on my watch, so it’s best to be on the lookout. I don’t happen upon any locked or even closed bedroom doors. As of yet, there’s been no unusual evidence in the hamper, no extremely long showers, and time to time when I peek my head into the bathroom to discuss dinner, it’s been fine. According to my friends, none of their sons are doing it either. Nope, nothing, nada, not our boys.
They are getting close to surpassing us in height, they need new clothes and shoes monthly, they stink, and while many of their faces are still lovably smooth, there is some actual hair under some arms. Which makes it all the more curious that we are all confident in our assertions that nothing is going on between the sheets. Or in the shower. Or anywhere else we don’t want to think about.
According to statistics from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, nearly three-quarters of boys ages 14 to 17 report to having ever masturbated . And a national probability sample of men ages 14 to 94 reported in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2010 showed that of males ages 14 to 15, 42.9 percent masturbated in the past month and 62.1 percent of males ages 14 to 15 masturbated in the past year.
A fiancé, statistics and my very own tween changing weekly in front of me at the kitchen table are all screaming the truth in my face. As a 41-year-old woman, I know masturbation to be a healthy part of life and sexuality. I would view it as a positive, normal and expected step in both my children’s maturity when it comes. But clearly I have a problem accepting, right now, that which is positive, normal and expected with my son. Why? If I don’t usually shy away from the awkward with my kids, if I’ve already faced sex talks with success, what am I (and all my friends) so afraid of?
It’s not the act of wanking off. Brits usually sound much classier than Americans, guess not always. I’m reluctant for my firstborn to take a big no-turning-back step into maturity. Little boys playing with their genetic natural toy is funny — “Look, Mom. I made it big.” Very young girls discovering that a touch here and there feels good is natural and harmless. Put a maturing teen together with his maturing body, and it’s no longer harmless; it’s very real and very serious.
Sex, love, disease, pregnancy, heartache, rape, sexual assault , breakups and makeups, peer pressure, porn and all the rest are part of adult life. I’m not ready for him to turn that corner. I like that his biggest problem is when we fight over bedtime and another bowl of ice cream. Small kids, small penises, small problems. Big kids, big problems, penises and more.
A heart-to-heart on jerking off isn’t my most desired evening activity, but I can handle it. I’m not avoiding it because I’m squeamish. I’m burying my head in the sand because this next phase is going to be a battlefield for the both of us, and I want to hold on to every last bit of sweet childhood that I can for as long as I can.
That’s something my fiancé, friends and I can all agree on.
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