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The first thing I noticed about her was her skin. It was alabaster, smooth like butter and translucent. Her hair, a lustrous brown, sat full-bodied above her collar bone, flirting with her shoulders every time she’d throw her hair back and laugh, which was often.
Sitting in meetings with her at the prominent literary agency where we both worked left me feeling weak. Usually never short of things to say, in her presence, I’d marvel at her ability to drain all quips from my mind, leaving my mouth bone-dry. But I knew the cliché and I refused to succumb to the stereotype of being the young, ambitious 25-year-old who screws the boss.
I’d come out when I was 17 and been disowned by my parents. I’d moved to London and been in and out relationships and casual flings. She was 40 and had been married for 10 years, with three children under the age of 10. The agency we worked for also represented her husband, an esteemed writer, so I knew I absolutely couldn’t go there.
Except one night, I did. I’d been at the company for around two years, working hard to secure advancements for myself all the while struggling to relax around her. But she gave nothing away. No odd winks or lingering favouritism, just an aloof air of power.
Our team were out celebrating a victory signing, when I first felt her eyes on me from across the table. I instantly assumed I must be getting the wrong end of the stick. But several glasses of wine later, my mouth was on hers and she was pushing me against the bathroom wall, as we clumsily tumbled in a stall, fumbling with our belt buckles. How could she go from practically never acknowledging my existence to pouncing on me? I felt vindicated in my feelings for her; there must have been something there all along, she had just been very good at suppressing it. After several swift orgasms in the cubicle, we returned to the table and our unsuspecting cohort of colleagues.
Our relationship gained a momentum of its own and before either of us realised, we were sleeping together every day. Sometimes first thing in the morning before anybody else arrived at the office, sometimes during a quick trip to the loo before nipping to Pret, sometimes once the last person had left for the day and it was just the two of us.
All I wanted was to be with her full-time, and for it to be out in the open that we were together
When we were together it felt electric, my heartbeat thumping furiously. But she was also the manager, the lawyer and the HR at our tiny agency, which was still in its infancy, so everything had to be secret. Six months after our toilet cubicle frisson, we were post-coital and slumped on the office floor after having sex on her desk. While I tucked into slices of Franco Manca pizza she’d ordered on the company account, she held back, glancing at the floor, before blurting out that she loved me. She’d never felt this way before and had finally realised she was gay.
In the office, nothing changed. Both of us swore not to tell anyone else. I dodged questions from friends about my relationship status like bullets - the lies were worth it for the delirium I felt when I was with her.
My boss confided in me the ennui she felt in her marriage. The sexuality she’d neatly packed into a box. She’d been with a woman before; when she masturbated, it was to lesbian porn, and when her husband performed acts on her, she told me the only way she could get aroused was to imagine it was a woman doing those things to her.
When she suggested, out of the blue and six months into our affair, that she was ready to tell our company directors about our relationship, I was secretly thrilled. This meant it was real! She had an inkling our directors already knew and had been mulling it over for a few weeks, she told me. She wanted to be honest with our directors so they could help us to map out how to tell her husband without severing his ties to the business. They took it well, even admitting that we’d had chemistry from the offset. We were finally free to love each other.
Her husband reacted surprisingly well too, suggesting that they enrol in therapy to help both of them exit their long-standing relationship. I took this as my cue to make a commitment and said I would move to the suburbs to be with her and her three children, once her husband had moved out.
To know that I could finally come clean to my worrisome friends felt liberating beyond belief. I didn’t care about sacrificing my youth to move to outer London with a swarm of forty-somethings. All I wanted was to be with her full-time, and for it to be out in the open that we were together.
Except, two weeks after she’d told her husband, I learned that that he hadn’t moved out and neither had she. She texted me to say that she could no longer carry on seeing me. She told me over WhatsApp that it was too overwhelming for her to tell people, to be honest about who she was, and ultimately who I still am. She felt too bludgeoned by people’s expectations of her, too stifled by her shame, and told me that I should live out my youth while it’s still mine. Before I could reply, she’d blocked me.
The lies were worth it for the delirium I felt when I was with her
The next day, she also blocked me on iMessage, Instagram and Twitter, claiming it was best for both of us. Work was strange for a while, as we shuffled past each other, barely acknowledging the other’s existence, let alone what we’d shared. Our company directors feigned ignorance and, obviously, none of our fellow colleagues had known anything at all, meaning I felt increasingly isolated.
On my first day back to the office, I hardly looked up from my desk, intentionally turning my back on the floor-to-ceiling glass windows that surrounded her office and slipped out of the door as soon as the clock struck 6pm. In an attempt to distract myself from work, I began sleeping with an army of women, feeling numbed by a dizzying level of promiscuity in the wake of our split.
This was six months ago. I heard recently that she and her husband were in therapy, working to reconcile and renew their vows and, surprisingly, felt nothing. Then I met somebody new and, as though she had a censor attached to me, my boss unblocked me and texted to ask how I am. I didn’t reply, I don’t need to go back to the secrets and lies, however thrilling they were.
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In the new psychological thriller, Allure , bisexual actress Evan Rachel Wood plays a troubled woman with a long history of abuse who seduces and manipulates a teenage girl.
Previously titled A Worthy Companion , Carlos and Jason Sanchez's debut feature follows aimless 30-year-old Laura (Wood) who works for a cleaning company owned by her estranged father (out actor Denis O’Hare). Things start to go off the rails, though, when Laura begins cleaning the house of of 16-year-old Eva (Julia Sarah Stone) and takes too much of a liking to the teen.
Before long, Laura becomes Eva's go-to shoulder to cry on, and their connection slowly deepens, becomingly increasingly inappropriate and unsettling. Ultimately, Eva runs away to live with Laura in her home—and when the relationship goes south, Laura winds up holding the teen hostage.
Wood, a survivor of sexual assault herself, told Vulture that, while she didn't want to let her character off the hook, she embraced the role as a commentary on the cycles of abuse.
“There’s not really a good or bad guy," says the Westworld star. "Abuse is a well-rounded tragedy for everyone, because normally, when people are doing that, it’s because they’ve been broken at a very young age. So it’s just as tragic watching somebody be prisoner to their own trauma, not in control of what they’re doing because their perspective is so skewed.”
Allure hits select theaters on March 16.
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Last updated at 23:48 03 October 2007
The mother of a young tennis star yesterday described the moment she allegedly found the 13-year-old and her female coach naked in bed together.
The woman said she screamed "You are nothing but a paedophile!" at 29-year-old Claire Lyte after stumbling across the pair performing sex acts on each other.
However, she told a court she did not report the incident to police because Lyte's father begged her not to ruin her coaching career and insisted it would not happen again.
It was not until nearly a year later that she became convinced the illicit lesbian relationship had continued and informed the authorities, she said.
When she found out that police were involved, her daughter climbed onto the roof of their house and threatened to commit suicide, she added, although she was later talked down.
The girl, who cannot be identified legal reasons, initially told police the bedroom incident had been a one-off, but she now claims this was a lie and that Lyte had threatened to destroy her tennis career if she exposed the alleged abuse.
Her mother was giving evidence at Liverpool Crown Court where Lyte - who until injury ended her career was one of Britain's top women players - is accused of sexual activity with a child.
The coach denies the charges, saying the 'pushy and ambitious' mother concocted the allegations after her daughter's tennis career stalled.
The girl's mother dabbed at tears as she described the incident in October 2005 when she came home unexpectedly and allegedly found them in bed together.
"My daughter jumped up and ran off and Claire pulled the bed sheet over her head," she said.
"Claire stayed in the bed under the sheet, and I shouted at both of them to get some clothes on and come downstairs.
"I was screaming at Claire, "Get out, what have you done, what have you done to my child, you are nothing but a paedophile".
"They came downstairs dressed, and my daughter sat down in a chair and curled into a ball. Claire sat with her head in her hands.
"Claire just kept telling me she loved my daughter. I kept saying, "She is 13". My daughter just cried and cried."
She said after talking for hours, Lyte agreed to cease coaching her daughter and distance herself from her.
The next day the mother took her daughter back to the prestigious Lawn Tennis Association academy in Loughborough which she attended.
Later that day, however, she said Lyte's father Colin rang 'begging' to meet her.
She eventually relented, driving to a motorway cafe that evening to discuss what had happened.
She told the court: "Colin pleaded with me not to do anything, to let him sort it out.
"He said he couldn't let her career end like this. He said he would really sort Claire out and this would never happen again."
But two weeks later, when the mother demanded to look at a text message on her daughter's phone, the girl locked herself in the toilet and threatened to ring ChildLine because her mother was 'abusing' her.
"I was so upset and furious and felt it was all connected with Claire," she said.
Lyte had meanwhile been warned by bosses at the academy for becoming too close to girl players and had been found sharing a toilet cubicle with the 13-year-old, the court heard.
Her mother said she reluctantly accepted Mr Lyte's assurances but in August last year she saw them getting out of a minibus together and realised Lyte was wearing her daughter's clothes, she said.
"I knew then I had to go to the police," she said.
When police raided Lyte's home they found clothing allegedly belonging to the girl.
These included a pair of pink knickers with her name tag sewn into them which were shown to the jury.
Lyte, from Shirley, near Solihull, West Midlands, denies five counts of sexual activity with a child between May 2005 and June last year.
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Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd
Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group

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