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14 year old daughter ready for sex help!!!
hi
my 14 year old daughter has just told me shes ready to have a sexual relationship with her bf whos 16. I have always told her that when shes ready to let me know and we can sort out contraception etc, but now shes told me its freaked me out a bit as i didnt expect it so soon I really dont know how to deal with it as if i say no she will probably do it anyway but without my support, but if i say yes its like saying yeah go ahead its fine
please advise
Legally, if she has sex with her bf, he can be arrested for statutory rape as you DD is under 16.
Personally, if she was my daughter, I would sit her down and explain to her why she is still to young to be having sex. At 14 she is still a child. I know there are girls out there having sex at 14, but if you can prevent it, I would try my damdest. xx
i would much prefere to prevent it, but im not sure of the right way to go about it without making her feel im been controling and unfair as they do at that age when you say no to something, id like to discourage her but also make it her desision not to have sex
14 year old daughter and her boyfriend, advice please
All you can do is explain the reasons why she shouldn't, unwanted pregnacy, STI's, also explain that her bf WILL be arrested if they have sex, as he is over the age of consent, and she is under. its easy forn her tosay no one will find out, but it could happen. She tells a freind or he does, and someone calls the police. And if they are so 'in love', he will wait, if hes not willing to wait then hes not worthy of being her bf, cause she worth more than that. xx
Wow what a great relationship you have got with your daughter, very hard as you have said though to know what to do now, from her point of view she has done exactly what you have asked her to, no mean feat at 14 and is trying to be completly honest with you, i think that is really amazing.
I'm sure you have and will give her all the do's and don't as you sound like you have that kind of relationship.
If you think she is going to sleep with him anyway, i would let her know that you still think she is a bit young but if she is still sure that she wants to do this then help arm her the pill and condoms, if she's going to do it anyway then at least it will be safely, mostly down to yourself being such an open and honest mother.
Really hard one though, you have my sympathy's,it's a hard slog this teenage thing.:)
hi
thanx for that. we do have a great relationship and can talk about anything. I think im going to arm her with all the reasons against it see how she still feels after that and if shes still dead set on it arrange to go to the family planning centre with her and her bf. I will let her know that although im not happy about it im still there for her. really i want to lock her in her bedroom till shes 21 lol I just hope im doing the right thing
I think you are a fantastic mum, your dd is so lucky.
I became sexually active at 14 with my bf who I had been with for 18 months.
I could not speak to my parents about such a toboo subject.
So bf & I went to doc together.
As you quite rightly said she will probably do it anyway.
My advise is talk as much as possible, keep the door open for her to start a disscusion anytime she wants.
If they do then your job is to make sure they get as few opportunities as poss, such as not been alone in house etc.
Hiya
It's a difficult one really.. and something I haven't yet had to deal with yet so my answer is from a theoretical point of view.
I think you should sit down and explain to her that she is too young and explain why the age of consent is there. I would tell her (perhaps even look at sites on the net) about STD's and pregnancy and explain that even using contraception carefully does not make sex 100% safe. Perhaps even let her read some of the unplanned pregnancy stories on here?
Having said that, I do think if she is going to do it then she is going to do it. I was on the pill from aged 14 for my periods and I think it would be worth her going to the docs and going on it perhaps just incase. Also perhaps you could put some condoms in a box for her and give them to her.
Good luck with everything, you sound like a fab mum xx [smilie=056.gif]
hi
thanx for that. we do have a great relationship and can talk about anything. I think im going to arm her with all the reasons against it see how she still feels after that and if shes still dead set on it arrange to go to the family planning centre with her and her bf. I will let her know that although im not happy about it im still there for her. really i want to lock her in her bedroom till shes 21 lol I just hope im doing the right thing
Well done you for being so open with your daughter, it is rare. I also have a 14 yr old daughter and dread what you are going through! I think you are going about it right and I think as long as she takes "on board" what you say she will make an "adult" decision.
Good luck.
My 14 year old daughter refuses to go to school.
Firstly, I think that the fact that your daughter is willing to discuss this with you is fantastic!
Not many 14 year olds would do that, you must have a great relationship.
I can't give any advice that hasn't already been given, just express your concerns about sex at such a young age (reminding her that it is illegal, as well) but remember if she is intent on doing it, then she probably will. So make sure she knows about the contraception available to her at her age.
Good luck hunni
xx
You must have a very open relationship that's fab.
People are right when they say she is under the legal age of consent. It would only take a teacher at school to find out and they would inform the police which is a whole heap of trouble nobody needs.
Thanx so much for all your help. its given me plenty to discuss with her. I have arranged an evening with her tonight and my husband and son are making themself scarce. will let you know how it goes and thanx to all of you
I think you're going about it completely the right way! Yay you
My DD is nearly 11 and I so hope our relationship is the same as yours when she's 14. We're close now and I try to be honest but we've not reached the teens yet, it could all change and that is scary!
12 yr old daughter has had sex. Help!!!
14 year old son refusing to go to school
how lucky you and your dd are to have such an open and respectful relationship. I think the fact that you have this relationship that your dd feels comfortable to come to you about this is wonderful and shows her to be a fairly mature young woman, rather than just jumping in without any prior thought or planning.
I dread my dd being older, she is only 7 and still seems like my little baby girl but i really hope that when she is older we have as close and open a relationship.
I would say the same as everyone else, make sure she has all the facts, and point out that her bf could be arrested. But then i guess as you say ultimately you want to be supportive. The idea of taking them both down to the family planning clinic is a good idea, make sure they're both safe.
Good luck talking to your dd this evening, and who knows, maybe she will listen to your concerns and decide she wants to wait after all, good luck.
I just hope my daughter is as sensible as yours when the time comes and comes to me first. Your obviously doing great as a Mum.
I have odd religious beliefs that involve chastity before marriage, I have found when talking to the teenagers at church about it, it works not to point out the pregnancy and STDs they know that usually and feel invulnerable. What I find helps is talking about the positives of not having sex too early that usually generates a more useful discussion.
I found that being chaste as a teen gave me a better relationship with boyfriends we needed to find other ways to have fun together, its easier to walk away if you have to or its not working out,, There are others but would probably sound bonkers to a teenager who wasn't considering chastity, but if you can talk about the aspects that will give her a better relationship with her boyfriend, and her own emotional growth its going to be more positive.
-Charley
HI TO THOSE MOMS WHO WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT JOIN ME AND DO THE SAME WRITH ME JUST
Will a new school/new home help with friendships
Confused? Really wanting a baby!! 😭
By Chloe Castleberry For Dailymail.com 17:39 BST 30 Jan 2018 , updated 05:00 BST 31 Jan 2018
No one forgets their first time having sex, even if it was an awkward or unfulfilling experience.
And in an attempt to shed light on the vast first time sexual encounters girls can have, a group of young women spoke to Seventeen about losing their virginity, and how the experience felt.
Their first time confessions describe where and when they had sex, with who and how they felt afterward.
Hafeezah expected her first time to be magical and told Seventeen that it would have been more enjoyable if the guy involved was more considerate.
She said: 'He knew I was a virgin and for some reason, I had this expectation of it being magical, which in all honesty, it wasn't.
'He kept his face buried in my shoulder/neck the whole time and asked if I was okay once during, which I thought was kind of inconsiderate.'
'I think I would have enjoyed it more if he had checked in with me to see if my needs were being met, which they weren't. At the time, I was blinded by my love, so I chose to look past that.'
For other girls like Katie, their first time was shared with someone who cared about how they were feeling.
'He told me to relax and that we didn't have to continue if I didn't want to, but I did. I felt a little ashamed and embarrassed because I imagined something different and I thought he was disappointed in the experience.'
'He was so understanding and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to be okay, and that we didn't have to continue. He made me feel better about the experience, and we are still together two and a half years later.'
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For Tori, her first time was with someone she was 'crazy about' and happened when knew she was ready.
She said: 'I was almost 21, I was (finally) in a relationship with a guy I was crazy about, and I knew I was as ready as I'd ever be. I had waited to have sex because I wanted my first time to be with someone that cared about me and would be around to share not just the physical act, but the emotions that came with it as well.'
'I was scared that sex would hurt, and that fear made me more tense, so even though I was happy to be sharing that intimacy with my partner, I couldn't really relax and it hurt a bit. Afterwards, I was relieved that I'd finally gotten it over with, and didn't know if I would ever think sex was fun.'
'In the next weeks I learned that our culture obsesses about making the first time perfect, but chances are that the second, third, fourth, etc. times will be so much better. There's less subconscious pressure, and you'll learn what feels good for you.'
Tiffany wasn't in love the first time she had sex but that was something she had expected beforehand.
'I wasn't 'in love' or whatever, but I guess I never expected to be. He made me feel comfortable and respected, so one night, I went over and we had sex. It wasn't awkward or weird, and it wasn't this special magical moment either.'
'We went to a diner the next morning for breakfast and texted my best friend group chat the link to Lonely's Island's 'I Just Had Sex,' and I think they were more excited about it than me to be honest.'
And for Kelsey, her first time was unplanned but an experience she doesn't regret at all.
'I was on senior week, and I was hanging out with the boy I liked. His friend was asleep in his hotel room, so we did it on the balcony. It was completely unplanned, but I've never regretted it. I'm still friends with the guy, too.'
Kylie was 19 when she lost her virginity and said it happened during a 'Netflix and chill situation' which she later felt guilty about.
'The guy I had been talking to didn't know I was a virgin, and I didn't tell him because I was afraid it would scare him off.'
'Once I got home, I felt guilty because it wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity, and not something you get back. I cried for a little bit and then decided there wasn't anything more I could do about it. I couldn't change what had already happened. All in all it wasn't terrible, and I'm not sure I would change it.'
Debby and her boyfriend were both 17 when they had sex and waited until Christmas Eve so they would have the place to themselves.
'We waited until Christmas Eve when his parents had left for a holiday party. I was so incredibly nervous — l think we both were. So we lit candles and took it slow. To be honest it hurt like hell. But other than that l think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go.'
But for Bianca, her first time was 'not romantic at all' and happened in the back of someones car.
'It was messy, drunk and horny. I was 17, drunk at a beach concert, called a guy that we had an on and off thing and we had sex in the back of his pickup car. Then, he went to study abroad and we never spoke about it, until like 2 years later.'
Shannon said that although she was an early bloomer, she wanted to wait until she went to college to lose her virginity.
'I was 20 when I lost my virginity. I decided that I wanted to wait until college to lose it, but when I finally got to college, I didn't really meet anyone that I wanted to have sex with, especially not for my first time. I ultimately decided to lose it to a guy that I really, really liked but wasn't in a relationship with.'
'I was just so ready to 'get it over with,' and this guy was (and still is) a great guy. My one regret in the entire experience is that I didn't tell him that I was a virgin. To this day he doesn't know! I was so scared that I was going to freak him out, but really, a lot of awkwardness could have been avoided if I'd just been honest.'
Like Shannon, Lee also wanted to 'get it over with' so she decided to have sex with her guy friend who she had known for a while.
'We were both virgins and just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't pleasurable or even fun, and throughout the entire process all I could think about was, when will this be over? Moral of the story — wait until you're really ready.'
Kayleigh lost her virginity when she was 15 years old to her boyfriend that was two years older than her.
She said they decided to do it after about three months of dating, which is when she knew for sure she was ready.
She said: 'We used a condom. Honestly, I didn't feel different after than I did before. Maybe just a little more mature. If you really think you're ready, and you and your partner protect yourselves, it can be a really cool thing.'
Katelyn was 16 when she lost her virginity to her boyfriend at the time who she had been dating for about eight months.
She said: 'Things were getting serious, so we decided to do it. I was expecting it to be so nice and amazing, but instead it was so painful.'
Cassidy's first time happened during her freshman year of college with an upperclassman frat bro who avoided her after it happened.
'He didn't text me at all and when I saw him at a party the next weekend he completely avoided me. If I walked into a room and we made eye contact he would immediately turn and walk out. It felt like a huge slap in the face. I liked him, but he had finally gotten what he wanted and that was it. He was over me.'
'I wanted nothing more than to go up to him and yell and ask him why he was being so mean to me when I had done nothing wrong, but every weekend he would completely avoid me or be talking with another girl when I walked by. I have to admit that I'm still not 100% over it or him.'
Mikayala had been dating someone for less than a month when he suggested they have sex to 'figure out if we have a spark to continue dating.'
'I was 18 and wanted to lose my virginity so I could fit in, but also because I really liked this guy. We had sex in a car (how romantic, right?). I was so nervous that he wouldn't feel that 'spark,' but he did. At the time, I felt amazing.'
'I thought I found the guy of my dreams and that we'd get married. We're no longer together, but I don't regret the experience. I just wished I had known I didn't need to have sex with a guy for him to approve of me or continue dating me.'
And for Brooklyn, she felt unprepared for sex despite having an open conversation about it with her mom.
'My mom tried to have an open and honest conversation about having sex so that I would feel less nervous when the time came.'
'But the conversation was always about boys, never being sexual with girls, so I felt completely unprepared when I went to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time.'
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Young women describe the first time they had sex
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