Young Girl Having Hard Time Dating

Young Girl Having Hard Time Dating
Things To Consider Before Dating A Younger Woman

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Things To Consider Before Dating A Younger Woman

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The phenomenon of men dating younger women is depicted everywhere in pop culture. Hollywood movies frequently cast much older male actors to star alongside young actresses, and the same actors are often snapped by paparazzi dating much younger women in real life. Male singers have long referenced younger women in songs with epithets like "baby" and "little girl" and now it's increasingly common for women to refer to their sexual partners as "daddy". The idea that it's normal and natural for men to date women five, 10, 15 or even 20 years younger than them is pretty firmly culturally ingrained at this point.
However, it's worth taking a second look at whether this phenomenon should continue to be taken for granted. There are certain difficulties that accompany every relationship with a large age gap, but in the case of men dating younger women, there's also a tricky power dynamic that needs to be considered.
So, if you're thinking about dating a younger woman, here are five things you should bear in mind before doing so:
"Power dynamic" is a term that recognizes that power in social relationships can come from many sources: money, age, prestige, class, and so on. Speaking in general terms, older people have more social power than younger people, and, in a variety of demonstrable ways and despite measurable progress in this area, men have more power than women . Hence, when you combine the two variables — an older man and a younger woman — the power dynamic favors the older man. The bigger the age gap between you, and the younger she is, the more skewed the power dynamic will be in your favor. Other variables like race, class and gender identity will also factor in to the power balance of your relationship.
The presence of a skewed power dynamic does not necessarily mean that a relationship with an age gap should never happen, but it does mean that you need to take extreme care, and in certain cases it's sensible to decide that the power dynamic is too out of whack for a relationship to be formed. Age of consent laws help us to draw a clear (legal) line between women who are too young to date and women who aren't, but aside from this, every man must draw his own moral line.
It certainly depends heavily on the age of the younger woman rather than just the quantity of the age gap. For example, when a rapper in his late 20s dates a 17-year-old celeb, people find it suspicious and harmful, but fewer people think a much larger, 20-plus-years age gap between some celebrity couples is objectionable if the woman is in her 30s when they got together — these are fully grown women capable of making their own decisions and much less likely to be affected by peer pressure.
So, there are no clear lines, but if you're over 30, dating a woman under 20 is likely to be perceived as suspicious and potentially harmful, dating a woman between 20-25 is a sliding grey area, but probably more acceptable, and dating a woman 25+ is generally going to be socially acceptable. Again, though, these are not hard and fast lines or rules, and you need to draw your own moral lines.
A young woman can be smart, witty and worldly, but she is, by definition, not mature or experienced. Certain life experiences and personal qualities only come from being alive on earth for a decent length of time, so if you are considering dating a woman who you would otherwise think is too young but for the fact that she's "really mature for her age," stop kidding yourself. If your prospective partner is fresh out of high school, having never weathered a job loss, heartbreak or any of the other hallmarks of adult life, you are (a) going to struggle to relate to each other, and (b) she is not going to be well-equipped with the tools needed for a serious relationship yet.
Stereotypically speaking, when a young woman dates an older man she may have a few qualities in mind that she expects you to have: financial security, maturity and gentlemanliness, for example. She may think that guys her own age are immature and directionless, and be looking for an older guy to provide more stability for her.
Which is all well and good, except if you're as directionless and financially insecure as the men she's trying to avoid. Or maybe she's not looking for financial security, but she thinks you're going to be a complete gentleman who will woo her with flowers and chocolates, whereas you're not the slightest bit romantic in the traditional sense . She might have completely unrealistic expectations of men in general, or she might simply have unrealistic expectations from you in particular that you are never going to be able to meet, and you will need to work those out before starting something serious.
Similarly, you might be tempted to date a younger woman rather than someone your own age because of a cliched idea that they have a relative lack of "issues", are more wild, fun, flexible, and so on. This isn't a great way of looking at things: young women still have their own complications, hang ups and issues, and besides, the entire point of dating someone is to share your life with another fully realized human being with flaws, not a Barbie doll who will never challenge you or require reassurance or assistance. You expect your partner to love you, warts and all, so if you're only dating younger women because you think that they're relatively "flawless", you're going about things entirely the wrong way.
The only way you can figure this stuff out is to talk openly about your expectations. If she's seeking a silver fox who will open car doors for her and order Champagne at every restaurant you visit, you're going to need to be straight with her if you're not going to be providing that for her. Let her know that you're a person she'll be dating, not a weird father figure or security blanket. Likewise, she can let you know that she's a human woman with flaws and insecurities, not a hot babe who will never "burden" you with a single emotional need. (Just kidding, we know you don't expect or want that at all. You don't want that, right?)
Let's say you're not burdened by the above issues: she has a realistic idea of what she expects from older men, and you in particular; and vice versa. You're not looking for a flawless one-dimensional sex doll and she's not looking for a sugar daddy either — you're just two regular people who like each other and clicked, and there happens to be an age gap between you. That's great!
It's still worth considering the "stage of life" problem, though. While not everyone moves through life at the same pace and ticks off the same milestones at the same time (university, work, marriage, babies, buying a house, etc.), there are still, broadly speaking, stages of life: an interest in partying and lack of responsibilities typically characterizes your 20s, for example, whereas your 30s tend to be career building years, and your 40s... well, you get the picture.
If your significant other is an amazing person who you mesh with well, but you simply aren't looking for the same things (she just wants to party, you're ready to start thinking about settling down and having kids, for example), it's just not going to work out. These issues can, of course, affect couples who are the same age and who have different priorities, but relationships with a large age gap are especially susceptible to the "stage of life" problem.
So, what's the answer? Should you date a younger woman?
It pays to look very closely and honestly at your reasons for considering dating a younger woman. If you're ignoring a disturbing power imbalance — or you're dating a younger woman in the hope of avoiding all the "baggage" fully realized adult women bring with them — you need to take a deeper look at your priorities. Your partner isn't a trophy to show off to your friends and coworkers, she's a human with her own interests, struggles, insecurities and past. If that scares you, you might not be ready for a relationship at all, let alone one with a younger woman.
However, maybe you've met a woman you really vibe with, and she's younger but not too young, and you've talked about everything — your expectations, where you are in life, your goals for the next few years, etc — and you're aligned. In this case, you'll still need to treat carefully for all of the above reasons, but if you're really feeling each other, go for it.

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How to Manage When Your Teen Starts Dating
Dating is a rite of passage for kids – and for their parents.
Striking the right balance to provide necessary support while granting your teen the autonomy needed to successfully manage in this unchartered territory is not easy. But it’s important that you’re there for your child to provide guidance when needed, as you also allow your child to learn and grow.
When kids begin dating, they not only strike out in search of new relationships but rely on existing bonds with friends and family . Of course, you don’t want to smother your kids or leave them feeling unsupported during this transitional time. So here are some ways you can maintain a positive relationship with your child , while giving them the freedom to follow their hearts:
Remember that dating is tough. We are lucky that, to some extent, our brain edits difficult memories. It would be impossible to function if we remembered every misfire or break-up . However, the fact that we may have forgotten some of these difficulties can make it harder to empathize with our kids when they experience their own disappointments .
When you were going through it, you felt as if you lived or died with every look, touch, and at that time, passed note or phone call. Time and experience have taught you those things are not as important as they seemed then. But it’s up to you to deal with these issues as your teen experiences them on his or her terms.
You will deal with elation and dread. You will feign excitement over a silly text and comfort sobs over something that was never going to work in the first place. Try to remember what it felt like to go through a torrent of such emotions as an adolescent, and parent with that understanding in mind.
Manage your thoughts and feelings. While it’s important to empathize with your child, you don’t want to get caught up in the same feelings your child is experiencing. For a while, you’re going to have to be the brains of the operation. Kids have not yet developed a “wise mind” – the ability to balance emotions and reason to make good decisions. They get the emotional part, but not the reasonable part. That’s on you.
Be aware of and accept your feelings and thoughts about the fact that your teen is dating, and about love, sex and the person he’s dating. Feelings can’t be right or wrong, but the ways that you express them can. It’s important to temper your behavior with a wise mind. Your teen will learn to manage and express emotions – especially difficult ones – from you. You may really like your kid’s girlfriend. It’s OK to share that, but do so with care, since young relationships begin and end all the time. Or you may not like the person your teen is dating at all. If you choose to express that, do so very carefully.
Reinforce values . You’ve spent your child’s whole life teaching her about good and bad behaviors. As you model how to deal with the great and terrible emotions of dating, keep in mind that you’re also teaching her about your beliefs regarding privacy , respect, sex and love.
Your teen will likely challenge your authority when dating, such as by staying out past curfew . See this as an opportunity to reinforce the values you hold dear by insisting on sticking to an established curfew and knowing where he is when he's out. Make sure he understands and follows rules about who is allowed in his bedroom and when the door can be closed.
Talk and listen . This is about balance. While dating is a time when your child’s natural need for privacy intensifies, make sure to keep the lines of communication open . That includes continuing to talk about what’s going on at school and with friends
Trust your teen. By the time your child is dating, you’ve let go of a lot. You’ve sent her to school and let her cross the street by herself. She’s spent the night at friends’ houses and went away to camp. Those things took an incredible amount of trust.
As your teen starts to date – as you support him, while managing your emotions and modeling good behavior – remember and take comfort in knowing that you taught him most of what he knows. You’ve done a good job, and so will he.
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Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, international bestselling author and host of the The Verywell Mind Podcast.
Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP, is a board-certified pediatric psychologist, parent coach, author, speaker, and owner of A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC.

The prospect of your teen starting to date is naturally unnerving. It's easy to fear your child getting hurt, getting in over their head, being manipulated, or heartbroken , and especially, growing up and leaving the nest. But as uncomfortable or scary as it may feel to consider your child with a romantic life, remember that this is a normal, healthy, and necessary part of any young adult's emotional development.

But what exactly does teen dating even look like these days? The general idea may be the same as it's always been, but the way teens date has changed quite a bit from just a decade or so ago.

Clearly, the explosion of social media and ever-present cellphones are two of the biggest influences on the changing world of teen dating—kids don't even need to leave their bedrooms to "hang out." 1

This quickly morphing social landscape makes it more challenging for parents to keep up, figure out how to talk with their teens about dating, and establish rules that will keep them safe. To help you navigate this unfamiliar territory, there are five essential truths every parent should know about the teen dating scene. 2

While some teens start dating earlier than others, romantic interests are normal and healthy during adolescence. Some kids are more overt or vocal about their interest in dating but most are paying attention and intrigued by the prospect of a romantic life, even if they keep it to themselves. 3

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, dating helps teens build social skills and grow emotionally. 3 Interestingly, teens "date" less now than they did in the past. This is perhaps due in part to the influx of cell phones and virtual social interactions and the changing ways teens define their relationships. 4

In 1991, only 14% of high school seniors did not date, while by 2013 that number had jumped to 38%. Of kids aged 13 to 17, around 35% have some experience with romantic relationships and 19% are in a relationship at any one time. 4

But regardless of when it starts, the truth is that most teens, especially as they make their way through high school and college , are eventually going to be interested in dating. When they start dating, you’ll need to be ready by establishing expectations and opening a caring and supportive dialogue about these topics. 3

Just like starting any new phase of life, entering the world of dating is both exciting and scary—for kids and their parents alike. Kids will need to put themselves out there by expressing romantic interest in someone else, risking rejection , figuring out how to be a dating partner, and what exactly that means.

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