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Partnered Post | Claudia Khaw
8 Sep 2022
It happened when I was 10. It’s not like most stories that you might have read about; there was no struggling, no screaming, no taunting or violence. It was silent—mostly because I had no idea what was going on.
It didn’t happen in an alleyway, or in a sleazy motel room. Not even in my own bedroom. It was in a dusty half-lit store pantry on the ground floor of my grandfather’s house. With about 9 other relatives on the first floor. It happened when I wasn’t alone.
Was it frightening? Hardly. If anything, it was confusing. I was only 10.
I grew up in a conservative home. I didn’t know the word ‘f*ck’ until I was 15. I only understood its meaning a whole year later. And yet now we have 8-year-olds using the word in grammatically correct sentences. My parents were traditional in their ways (and very strict).
I never once asked them, “Mommy, where do babies come from?” Maybe I wasn’t quite an inquisitive child. I knew there was a hole somewhere in my nether regions but I thought it was just for peeing.
So when grandfather asked me to follow him into the pantry and put his hands down my panties, I just stood there like the good doll I was while he sat on a stool behind me. He was gentle. But determined. Quick—before anyone else came into the kitchen—but long enough for me to remember his stubby beard rubbing against my neck.
I can’t remember when I realised the disturbing intentions of his action. Maybe it was when I discovered porn by accident. Maybe it was when I studied Chapter 4 of Science in Form 3. Maybe it was during “girl talk” with my guy friends in school.
But even before I figured it out, I knew my grandfather did something bad. Bad enough for my parents to tell me to avoid going near him when we visit after I told them about how he touched me “down there”. However, in my 10-year-old mind, it couldn’t have been that bad since they never confronted him about it. There wasn’t any big hoo-ha or dramatic family intervention. They simply told me not to tell anyone about it—sorry, mom and dad, for this.
In their defence, they couldn’t have prevented it. Not before it happened anyway. They couldn’t have known that they shouldn’t leave me alone downstairs while they chatted happily just several metres away. They couldn’t have known that they should have told me from a young age to “scream for help and run if someone touches you here or here “. And for that, I’ve never blamed them.
That’s not the case for my grandfather. Although I listened to my parents and avoided him, it was out of obedience and ignorance. Not because I actually understood why I should. And when I finally did many years later, I hated him for it. Which is a difficult task to do even after all these years.
It might be because it’s hard to hate someone who’s been dead for at least 10 years (I don’t keep count of the exact number). There’s only so much hate that you can give to a dead person because you can’t really do anything about it.
I don’t have any extraordinary lesson for you, other than the predictable ones. Educate your children so that their understanding of “down there” is not lacking; be observant so that any changes in your child’s behaviour doesn’t go by unnoticed; and do something when your child confides in you so that they know they can trust you.
Because not every case of child sexual abuse and molestation is about a child kicking and screaming.
Sometimes it’s a silent one, not because they are unafraid, but because they are confused, unaware, and simply just don’t know any better.
I consider myself very lucky. It only happened once and I was still ignorant. Nevertheless I’m in no way belittling it. I’ve heard of horrific experiences from victims of abuse, and even if it happened once, twice, or many times, there is always one similarity between them—they will be affected.
I sometimes wish that my parents did make a big deal out of it. I wish my relatives knew what a creep grandfather was.
On the other hand, I’m relieved that they didn’t. I can’t imagine having to face the embarrassment and the humiliation. More importantly, I also can’t imagine handling the rejection if they all knew but still did nothing about it. Or worse still, didn’t believe me.
Am I traumatised and never able to trust men again? Not quite. I am, after all, happily married. But till this day, I can’t stand stubby beards.
Editor’s note: This article is in response to the sudden (but very necessary) interest in the ugly truth of child sexual abuse cases in Malaysia . The writer would like to remain anonymous; however she’d like to remind readers that if they have a sexually abused child, it’s your responsibility to make them feel secure and accepted. Lodge a police report, or seek professional advice from a child psychologist/counsellor. Let them know that they are significant and that their well-being matters.
Feature image adapted from http://www.doctorinsta.com/
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© 2021 GRVTY Media Pte. Ltd. (UEN 201431998C.)
Vulcan Post aims to be the knowledge hub of Singapore and Malaysia.
© 2021 GRVTY Media Pte. Ltd. (UEN 201431998C.)
*First Published: Dec 26, 2018, 9:19 am CST
Posted on Dec 26, 2018 Updated on May 20, 2021, 10:44 pm CDT
While YouTube tries to protect children f rom disturbing and obscene content , people who enjoy watching kids star in their own videos are still free to write whatever they want in those videos’ comment sections.
As the ORKA YouTube channel points out in a video that has accumulated nearly 150,000 views in two days, there are large numbers of videos starring children that have attracted commenters that seem to be attracted to those children.
Case in point: a video by a girl who goes by the name of MacCartney Kerr. She has less than 5,000 subscribers, but her video titled “Part 1 of trying on my summer clothes” has accumulated more than 520,000 views and apparently keeps showing up in the recommended section of people who might or might not be interested in watching content like this. The video is basically a girl who appears to be a pre-teen trying on clothes. It seems pretty innocent until you scroll down to the comments section.
In the short video, the girl shows off her bare midriff, and she dances around briefly in a tight dress. That apparently was enough to draw comments like “You look so beautiful in that dress” and “That black dress looks amazing on you, great figure.”
One commenter linked a time stamp where the girl nearly showed her undergarments and instructs viewers to slow down the video to .25 of its normal speed.
A number of commenters are asking the girl to take down the video, wondering where her parents are, and calling out the “pedos” and “sickos” who enjoy watching the content.
MacCartney has other videos in which she plays with slime, shows off her bedroom, and explains her daily makeup routine. None of them have drawn close to the number of page views of her summer clothes vlog.
If you click on her content, plenty of other suggestive videos starring children show up in the recommended sidebar. That includes a video called “Showing my shower routine” and another one called “How to do a cartwheel” done by a young girl wearing a skirt. All of them have hundreds of thousands of views.
Other videos that appear to be Russian show thumbnails of young girls in bathing suits in the bathtub, and another vlog in which a young girl tells about her nighttime routine has accumulated more than 1.3 million views.
On many of these videos, the comment sections have been disabled, so we don’t have to read the inner thoughts of those who might be pedophiliacs. But in one of the Russian videos, one commenter wrote, via Google Translate, “What a shame when she grows up.” And another commented, “Nice. Nipslip.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aqm5Ht7nQW0&t=4s
YouTube did not immediately respond to a Daily Dot request for comment on Wednesday morning. But it seems clear that protecting the children who spend time on the platform is not yet—or might never be—a job that is officially done.
Update 11:30am CT : YouTube responded to the Daily Dot by reiterating that content that endangers minors is unacceptable and that it aggressively enforces its policies against videos and comments that sexualize or exploit children. YouTube also pointed to its blog post in 2017 that announced how it was toughening its policies that would make children and families safer, including “a combination of automated systems and human flagging and review to remove inappropriate sexual or predatory comments on videos featuring minors.”
The platform also made sure to remind people that its terms of service state that the site is for people who are at least 13 years old, and if it’s determined that a user is not of that age, their channel will be terminated.
“Any content—including comments—that endangers minors is abhorrent and we have clear policies prohibiting this on YouTube,” a YouTube spokesperson told the Daily Dot. “When we become aware of new and evolving patterns of abuse, we take swift action in line with our policies. This includes terminating channels and reporting abuse to local law enforcement via NCMEC (the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children). Last quarter, we removed hundreds of thousands of individual videos and over 25,000 channels for violating our child safety policies. We are always working on new solutions, such as improving our machine learning classifiers to better identify inappropriate comments. We’re committed to getting this right and recognize there’s still more to do.”
Josh Katzowitz is a staff writer at the Daily Dot specializing in YouTube and boxing. His work has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, and Los Angeles Times. A longtime sports writer, he's covered the NFL for CBSSports.com and boxing for Forbes. His work has been noted twice in the Best American Sports Writing book series.
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