Young 12 Y O Sex

Young 12 Y O Sex
He is a child too? That post sounds like he's a grown man!
So Sarah are you suggesting that a parent has no control over what a 13 year old gets up to? That's it's going to happen anyway, so we may as well accept it. Does the same go for a child drinking, smoking, shoplifting?
No, but I don't see having sex with a boyfriend, in a safe environment, in a relationship in the same category as shoplifting. There's an appropriate way to be supportive.
No, but I don't see having sex with a boyfriend, in a safe environment, in a relationship in the same category as shoplifting. There's an appropriate way to be supportive.
A 13 year old is a child . I could net condone a child having sex. If she like to get drunk would would you also see that is done is a "safe environment"?
Yes actually, maybe not at 13. But lots of teenagers start drinking before 18. When I grew up we would have a few drinks at parents parties etc aged 16- a safe environment. Not in the park with a litre of vodka, behind their backs.
Regardless of age, for parents it will always be difficult to come to terms that their children are having sex. 13 is young but I guess when we're all in our 20s, 30s, 40s 13 seems even younger. She may be 13/14 but to me sounds far more mature than any 13/14 year old I know My 20 year step daughter acts like she's 14 most of the time! And as for my husband he acts 18 [emoji13] As long as she's careful, sensible and has the support around her, that is all that matters Locking them up and stopping her from seeing him will only make matters worse. What will the outcome of that be? If you want to ruin the relationship you have with her then do just that x she will forgive you one day x
Yes actually, maybe not at 13. But lots of teenagers start drinking before 18. When I grew up we would have a few drinks at parents parties etc aged 16- a safe environment. Not in the park with a litre of vodka, behind their backs.
We are not talking of 16 year olds though- we are taling about 13 years olds. So you suggest getting drunk at home at 13 is OK. Sarah I would suggest that neither of these scenarios is appropriate- either drinking vodka at home at 13 in a "safe" environment, not in the park. Same with sex at 13.
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I allow my 14 year old step son have a taste of beer, although he hated it! I would much rather him start the occasional one at home rather than peer pressure by friends
13 year olds are children . Nothing will convince me otherwise. They need our protection.
Not particularly helpful I feel and I hope you never find yourself in the OPs unenviable position. Kirsty - I feel your pain. I too have a 13 yo daughter - shes not 14 until next august! - and she has recently got her first boyfriend. She lied about who she was out with for 2 weeks (not where she was,, just who she was with) and I KNEW something was amiss. Obviously I was not happy about it to say the least but what can you do? Lock her away? Ground her indefinitely? Shes still got to go to school right?! I found out on a Tuesday and on the Friday she was bringing him round to meet me. Meeting him made me feel very strangely better. He was no man, he was a gangly 14 year old kid with braces. It was her father I was more worried about and I truly felt for him when I rang and tell him. Don't shoot the messenger I said. And he was devastated to hear this about his little girl. But the week after he paid for them to go to the cinema together, and the week after that he met him - albeit briefly! Even though hes my ex and I could strangle him sometimes, I was very proud of him for that as it must have been hard for him. But I took stock and was grateful that, after the initial lying, she was now being honest with me. Obviously I initially went mad and can 100% identify with ALL of your emotions!! But like I say, I took stock and realized that I cannot lock her up 24 hours a day and that at least she was being honest and open - even though it is early days and she insists that they will not be having sex, I however am a realist and realize that that may not always be the case! But I will cross that bridge when I have to! With regards to the comments of her being a child yadda yadda yadda, yes, she is, of course, a child, but children will be children and at that age they think they know it all don't they? I certainly did at 13! I also have a 17 year old son, would he be described as "a child"?? In the eyes of the law he certainly is but somehow that's acceptable. Huh. I think you are doing amazingly - if only we could laugh at this over a glass of wine! - and I totally understand your feelings towards her initially but you've taken a huge step in speaking to her again and she must be feeling incredibly relieved that this is all out in the open now. As I said to my daughter, she is a child playing an adults game but what are you going to gain by going mad about it? Ostracizing your daughter, making her sneak around behind your back anyway and exposing her to more danger. I think your handling of it is spot on! You don't mention his parents? Do they know about this? Are you friends with them? Could you talk with them about them being round his house so that can put your mind at rest a bit? I would rather have them round my house than possibly unsupervised at his maybe? No one can criticize you about it until they have walked a mile in your shoes. And Ive just put my trainers on to run to catch up with you! From one frazzled mother of a 13 year old girl to another - chin up and as long as you keep talking your daughter will hopefully look back at this episode and realize why you were so worried and be grateful that she had such a supportive mum to guide her and keep her safe. That's what I'm hoping anyway! xxxxxxxxxx
We are not talking of 16 year olds though- we are taling about 13 years olds. So you suggest getting drunk at home at 13 is OK. Sarah I would suggest that neither of these scenarios is appropriate- either drinking vodka at home at 13 in a "safe" environment, not in the park. Same with sex at 13.
The legal ages are different, please don't be so patronising. I don't care what your suggestion is. I will class what I think is appropriate myself. I said a few drinks at home. In your world you can't do anything until the legal age limit.
How awful 13 is so young but having been a 14 yr old (almost 15) when losing my virginity. i can only suggest not to punish her too much because she'll resent you. I wish i had a mum i could talk to back so be firm but fair on rules.
We are not talking of 16 year olds though- we are taling about 13 years olds. So you suggest getting drunk at home at 13 is OK. Sarah I would suggest that neither of these scenarios is appropriate- either drinking vodka at home at 13 in a "safe" environment, not in the park. Same with sex at 13.
Might I suggest Maron, that rather than sounding like a disapproving grandmother, you stop with the legal age limit tut tutting and actually offer some advice to the OP? As so far you have merely made disparaging remarks with regard to it being "wrong" but with no actual advice on what the OP should do. Maybe a cage for her daughter might be more "appropriate"?? Agree with Sarah. Stop being so patronizing!!
I haven't read others replies so I'm sorry if I'm repeating anything. I'm abit ashamed to admit it but I started having sex when I was just turned 14 (I was very careful never had any accidents. not that that makes a difference) I didn't feel 14 I'm my own head and i did feel ready. I never felt like I was doing anything wrong and just felt like any other person besotted with my boyfriend is what I guess I'm trying to say. people used to say i was very mature for my age. is your daughter? Now I'm not saying your daughter is right in what she is doing in the slightest. but I do think that it doesn't matter what u do its not going to stop her doing what she feels ready to do. I know if I had a daughter I'd probably freak out too and I can definately see why your worried. but I think the best thing u can do is support her the best u can. be there for her and try not to be angry about it with her. she's already done it now so there isn't any turning back really and u wouldn't want to risk pushing her away because of it as that could make things alot worse. I never told my mum about any of the things I used to get up to as a teenager so I'd say the lies are quite normal no matter how great ur relationship is with her, there's just some things teenagers don't like to discuss with their moms. the only thing I can really suggest is properly educate her about babies etc and make sure she is using protection. I'd like to say ban her from having sex ban her from her boyfriend keep her locked away but I honestly don't think that will work as it's already past that point. and trust me when i say there is NOTHING u can do from stopping her finding a way if u did as teenagers are stubborn. u really just need to have a sensible mature conversation together about it and try and look past the anger for now. ps. I do think it's absolutely amazing that her boyfriend approached u about this. how very mature and sensible and damn right brave of him. I dont know many lads that age that would do that xxx
I haven't read others replies so I'm sorry if I'm repeating anything. I'm abit ashamed to admit it but I started having sex when I was just turned 14 (I was very careful never had any accidents. not that that makes a difference) I didn't feel 14 I'm my own head and i did feel ready. I never felt like I was doing anything wrong and just felt like any other person besotted with my boyfriend is what I guess I'm trying to say. people used to say i was very mature for my age. is your daughter? Now I'm not saying your daughter is right in what she is doing in the slightest. but I do think that it doesn't matter what u do its not going to stop her doing what she feels ready to do. I know if I had a daughter I'd probably freak out too and I can definately see why your worried. but I think the best thing u can do is support her the best u can. be there for her and try not to be angry about it with her. she's already done it now so there isn't any turning back really and u wouldn't want to risk pushing her away because of it as that could make things alot worse. I never told my mum about any of the things I used to get up to as a teenager so I'd say the lies are quite normal no matter how great ur relationship is with her, there's just some things teenagers don't like to discuss with their moms. the only thing I can really suggest is properly educate her about babies etc and make sure she is using protection. I'd like to say ban her from having sex ban her from her boyfriend keep her locked away but I honestly don't think that will work as it's already past that point. and trust me when i say there is NOTHING u can do from stopping her finding a way if u did as teenagers are stubborn. u really just need to have a sensible mature conversation together about it and try and look past the anger for now. ps. I do think it's absolutely amazing that her boyfriend approached u about this. how very mature and sensible and damn right brave of him. I dont know many lads that age that would do that xxx
Fabulous advice! I gobbled up every word and will be chanting it as a mantra for my own daughter! xx
Some of you women are so judgemental you may find yourselves in this position one day! To the OP I'm sorry I have no advice but to me it seems as though you are dealing with your situation admirably.
I don't think many have been judgemental at all actually, most are just trying to give advice! I think the best being Tisha's so far. Maron I'm curious what you would do in op's situation?
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Countering "going to do it anyway."

I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.

We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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