Yes Mommy

Yes Mommy
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May 26, 2021 May 12, 2021 by valplowman

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Teaching kids to obey with a simple “Yes Mommy”. This is an effective solution to get first-time obedience.
Requiring that simple response can change how well your child listens to you.
Does that sound too easy? I think it does.
It sounds easy enough that at times I let it fall off my radar. Many times over my parenting years, I have let this simple requirement slack.
Despite the easiness of the way, let me assure you that it absolutely does work.
“Of all the practical helps we can offer, this one has undoubtedly the most impact on a child’s willingness and ability to comply the first time ”
When you give instructions to your child, you want to require him to give you a “yes, mom” (or yes, dad) response.
For you, hearing a “yes, mom” lets you know your child heard what you said. If your child doesn’t obey, you know it is because he chose disobedience, not that he didn’t hear what you said.
So often we give instructions and then do not correct our child when they do not listen because we worry they didn’t really hear us.
For your child, “yes, mom” is your child committing to obey.
Years ago, a person’s word was completely trustworthy. If someone verbally committed to something, they did it.
We have been taught in our modern age to lie, cheat, and steal to get where we want to go. We tell people what they want to hear. If you want a commitment, you need it in writing.
But our children haven’t learned that yet. They are still pure. We all know that morally, a verbal commitment should be honored as much as a written one.
Of course, your child will have moments where he “yes, moms” and then doesn’t follow through. But it really does make a huge difference on the rate of obedience.
There is a communication theory that many people have heard about. It is called “self-fulfilling prophesy.” This theory basically states that if you tell yourself something will happen, it likely will–for better or worse.
When your child agrees to obey, he is creating his own self- fulfilling prophecy.
The first time I tried “yes, mom” I knew we had a winner.
Because it was so hard for Brayden to say. He didn’t want to say “yes, mom.” He was avoiding eye contact. He was struggling internally. He tried just nodding.
I told him no, I wanted a “yes, Mama.” He finally gave it.
I knew that he knew if he said “yes, mom” that he would be committing himself.
There are some things you will want to do to set everyone up for success with the “yes mom” approach.
Sit down in a time of non-conflict and explain the new rules about obedience.
This means that it isn’t in the heat of the moment when your child is hesitant to obey. You teach it at a time when there is no battle of wills going on.
You will talk your child through what will happen from now on, as outlined below. Explain what you will do and how you expect your child to respond.
Call your child’s name or say your child’s name before you give the instruction. You say your child’s name and then you pause. You will then require two things: eye contact and the “yes mommy” response.
Require eye contact when giving instructions . If your child is used to ignoring you, you might need to hold his face in your hand to get that eye contact initially.
Eye contact helps your child focus on instruction. Also, it is a great communication skill for your child to develop.
When you first start “yes, mom,” you need to tell your child to say it . You tell your child “In five minutes, it is time for your nap. Say ‘yes, Mama.’ ” Your child should then say it.
So here is how it will work once you and your child have this down:
Mom: “Brayden” (pause and wait for response) Brayden: Looks at mom and then replies, “Yes Mama” Mom: “It is time for nap. Please clean up your toys.” Brayden: “Yes Mama” and then he cleans up
As you are just learning, it will will look like this:
Mom: “Brayden” (pause and wait for response). Remind the child to look at mom. Brayden: Looks at mom Mom: “Say, ‘Yes, Mama’ “ Brayden: Replies, “Yes Mama” Mom: “It is time for nap. Please clean up your toys. Say ‘Yes Mama’ “ Brayden: “Yes Mama” and then he cleans up
After some time, your child will surprise you by saying “yes, Mom” on his own without any prompting. Be sure to thank him and tell him what a good boy he is to say that without you reminding him.
Practice what you preach . If you are going to require your child to respond “yes, mom” when you call his name, you should do the same for him.
Like I said, eye contact is a great communication skill. It tells the speaker that you are listening. When your children call to you and talk to you, you should respond with a “Yes, Brayden ” and look him in the eyes.
I have also read in an article that responding with a “Yes, Brayden ” or “Yes, Honey” to your child is a lot more inviting and friendly than a “what.” You are more approachable with a “Yes, dear.”
If you want your children to be kind to you and others, you need to be kind to them.
You can be pretty confident that the day will come that your child refuses to say “yes, mom.” Be prepared for how to deal with that so you aren’t standing open-mouthed.
Brayden quickly learned that when he said “yes, mom,” it meant he had to comply.
Shortly before Brayden turned three, we were outside and I told him in five minutes it would be time to go in for his nap. I told him to say “Yes, Mama.”
I said, “You don’t have the freedom to tell Mommy, “No, Mama.” You need to say, “Yes, Mama.”
He then let out a whimper but said, “Yes, Mama.”
When the five minutes were up, he went inside, washed up, and got in bed with no problem.
You also will likely have moments when your child says “yes, Mom” but then doesn’t follow through.
If/when this happens, be sure you have a consequence. “I am sorry you chose to disobey Mommy, now you won’t get to play outside after your nap” for example.
Be sure you have a consequence fitting for the offense, will mean something to your child, and also that you follow through with that consequence.
Do not worry about consequences until you have worked on this skill with your child. Depending on the age of your child, you might wait only a few days before starting consequences or it might be a few weeks.
You can use this parenting skill even for older babies and young toddlers who cannot talk yet.
You can start with requiring eye contact when you are talking to your kiddo.
Instead of requiring an actual “yes mommy”, nod your head as you tell your little one to say “yes mommy”.
Nodding the head yes can be a form of non-verbal communication your kiddo can use to essentially say “yes mommy.” If your baby can sign to ask for more food, she can nod her head to agree.
As your kiddo gets older, she will start to try to say yes mommy and one day it will happen!
One day, I was in the kitchen and heard Brayden (3) talking to Kaitlyn (14 months).
He had this tendency to parent her–something we were always working on.
I heard him telling her not to do something, then he said, “Say, ‘Yes, Brayden‘, ” pause “Say, ‘Yes, Brayden!’ ” The frustration was building. “Say, ‘Yes, Brayden‘! “
I composed myself and went in to the two of them and explained that Kaitlyn couldn’t say ‘Yes, Brayden‘ at this point in her vocabulary. That appeased him.
I had to smile at the situation. It was one of those moments where I knew without a doubt that he understood what was supposed to happen after an instruction was given.
He knew the importance of a response. He knew the reason behind me requiring that.
Kaitlyn was a two year old. While she was quite obedient, she still had her battles dealing with her wanting to do everything herself and deciding when she will do it.
Whenever she hesitated to obey me, I repeated my instruction and followed it with “say Yes Mommy.”
So let’s say I had told her to come to me so I can help her get dressed. She would look at me and start to tell me why she couldn’t come at the moment.
I would say, “Kaitlyn, come to Mommy so you can get dressed. Say Yes Mommy.” What was her reaction? She smiled a big smile, said “Yes, Mommy” and ran to me.
Does it sound too good to be true? It works!
For Kaitlyn, it was 100% effective.
She has grown up witnessing “Yes Mommy” with an older brother since she was a second child. She has also been told to say “Yes Mommy” for quite some time.
I started this concept later in life with Brayden, but saw results so quickly that I was sure to use it with Kaitlyn from as early we could.
I am still shocked, amazed, and pleased at how well it worked in getting my independent two year old to obey me. It is well worth your efforts!
We do still use this for attitude as it comes up with our eight year old Brinley. Whenever she gets “wise in her own eyes”, I remember this tool and implement it.
In conclusion, don’t let the easiness of the way deter you from using “Yes, Mom” with your child. You will be surprised and pleased by the results.
This post originally appeared on this blog May 2008

Valerie Plowman, known as "the Babywise Mom", is the happy mother of four children. She has been helping parents with their parenting concerns since 2007 and loves helping others absolutely love being a parent.

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