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It’s every parents worst nightmare – having your kids walk in on you while you’re doing the deed.
And it’s probably equally as horrifying for them, however, luckily for this Aussie mum her kids are young, but young enough to know what was going on? She surely hopes so because the experience has left her mortified.
Jessica Hood, a Melbourne-mum-of-four, took to her Instagram on Thursday to let her more than 54,000 followers know of the moment she was thought to be suffering from a cardiac arrest. And not in a positive way because she was “mid thrust”.
Jessica Hood from Melbourne, blogs under the name House of Hoods and is committed to sharing the ‘raw-relatable’ side of motherhood. Picture: Instagram/House of HoodsSource:Instagram
“It’s 9.30pm on a Wednesday what could possibly go wrong? Little bit of nookie never hurt anyone right?” she began her hilarious post.
“I thought my heart couldn’t race any faster during such an intimate moment but now I’m on the verge of cardiac arrest.
“No amount of chairs or even a chested draw was gonna (sic) stop it. It was like a stampede of elephants except there was no warning. I mean why would there be?! They’re meant be asleep!”
Then it happened, her kids barged into her room while Ms Hood’s legs were “sky high” but explained her husband Karl’s “pastey white ass” was blocking her “5’oclock shadow”.
Otherwise “it could of been so much worse”.
In her latest post, she detailed the moment her kids walked in on her and her husband Karl having sex. Picture: Instagram/House of HoodsSource:Instagram
She said her mum instinct’s kicked in and she did what anyone else would do in the situation – she played dead.
“I even threw a little bit of the tongue out the side of my mouth. YEP I actually did that. Lost my dignity and any sense I had too during my most valuable time.
“Reaching around for a blanket Karl flew over me like batman with his cape, hiding any evidence of the act.”
“So were we quick enough? What did they see? Oh my God they’re going to be in therapy for life!!”
The blogger said her children are young but not as innocent as she would like.
She described the experience as a ‘nightmare’. Picture: Instagram/House of HoodsSource:Instagram
“Lily is 7 and already gives the impression she knows a lot!” the Melbourne mum wrote.
Then from beyond the doona the couple heard a little voice asking, ”What are you doing?” to which her husband responds, “We are play fighting. I’m giving mummy a massage.”
“Karl then tells them to get back to bed and our act of love seem to go unnoticed without any questions.”
“That was until I heard Lily walking off with Logan up the hallway, she *giggles* Mum and Dad were doing sex.”
“Then Logan let’s out a big laugh. Just wonderful! I’ve scarred my kids for life, either that or I’ve set them up for a life of ‘blackmailing Mummy and Daddy’.”
Jessica explained how she hoped ‘playing dead’ would cover the act, but it didn’t work. Picture: Instagram/House of HoodsSource:Instagram
Ms Hood said children are more clued on than what some parents may think and joked with her followers not to be surprised if next week they have a pony in their backyard and a brand new swimming pool.
“Tomorrow will be an interesting day. I plan to act like nothing happened and stick to ‘story’,” she said, adding “if all else fails I could just play dead … right?”
Have you experienced something similar? Tell us in the comments below.
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We didn't do the whole family bed thing. Twins + Queen bed = No sleep at all. They slept with us in Arm's Reach co-sleepers for the first four months and honestly, although I am sure we probably had sex during that time, I certainly have no memory of it (don't tell the Mister; we'll let him go on thinking it was spectacular).
There is nothing wrong with having sex while baby snoozes nearby, or even in the same bed (unless you're the types who roll around like Roman wrestlers).
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But the truth is, most people are a little uncomfortable doing the nasty in the same bed, or even the same room, as their babies and small children. Still, needs are needs and sex is an important part of a relationship, so what do all those co-sleepers do?
And what about when baby grows up a little?
We have friends who did the family bed thing until their oldest was about 10. They never had sex in their bed. Baby number two was conceived in a hot tub (chicka chicka bow bow) and sometimes, after the kids were asleep, they would sneak off to the couch and get a little action there. But their sex life seriously suffered.
To me this sounds like way too big a sacrifice. We bought that nice mattress for two things: sleep and sex. And I am not going to let it go to waste. Plus, to my mind, a healthy, happy marriage is as much a part of a strong family as healthy, secure children.
I'm lucky, though. I don't have a big problem with having sex in the same room as my kids. We are blessed with very sound sleepers. It doesn't come up often (the kids are in their own room), but I am not too worried about it when it does. If they catch us I can always explain that mommy and daddy were wrestling (just like the Romans!).
Are you ready for a little over-share? Stop reading here if the answer is no.
We recently did it at family camp. In a cabin. With our kids asleep in bunk beds about six feet away. They slept right through it. It was fun. I am proud.
I am also glad we don't have to think about the logistics and geography of our sex life every time the mood strikes.
Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.
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