Xconfessions

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Xconfessions
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Emma and Olivia are two ex-pats living in sunny, vibrant Barcelona. Recording themselves every week for their explicit podcast, they read aloud the sexual stories and fantasies of their list... Read all Emma and Olivia are two ex-pats living in sunny, vibrant Barcelona. Recording themselves every week for their explicit podcast, they read aloud the sexual stories and fantasies of their listeners, and of each other. Emma and Olivia are two ex-pats living in sunny, vibrant Barcelona. Recording themselves every week for their explicit podcast, they read aloud the sexual stories and fantasies of their listeners, and of each other.
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Older people are asking to see representations of older people having sex, and Erika Lust wants to give it to them.
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The first frame of indie-porn director Erika Lust 's new sex documentary, Soulsex , shows two clasped hands; one is amply freckled, and the other appears soft and delicate. The second frame shows an attractive, fresh-faced woman with a serene smile and gray hair. "He’s my best pal," she says, patting her partner on the thigh. If you know how Lust's sex docs work , then you know that after the interview portion of this piece, we're going to see this couple have sex. True to form, about 12 minutes in, Annie Campbell , 71, and John Campbell , 72, are both naked, their arms and legs wrapped around each other.
They met in 2013 through an online dating site . Annie, who studied neuroscience at Oxford, ended up pursuing her true passion of documentary filmmaking, ultimately winning a British Academy of Film and Television Arts award; John has six children and is a retired oil and shipping businessman. They now teach courses like the Art and Science of Loving Relationships, and they have sex every day. "If we make it to 100, we'll still be making love," Annie tells me via Skype from the Canary Islands home she shares with John.
People Annie and John's age are having plenty of sex — an October 2017 study by the University of Michigan’s National Poll on Healthy Aging reported that more than half (54 percent) of adults between 65 and 80 agreed that sex is important to their overall quality of life — but you wouldn’t know it.
Television sex scenes tend to feature teenagers and twentysomethings — an exception being Grace and Frankie , a show that broke ground by focusing on the dating lives of two single women in their 70s — and pornography is similarly youth-obsessed. "MILF" was the third most-searched term on Pornhub last year, but female performers in videos tagged "MILF" can be as young as 25, says Shira Tarrant, a professor and author who writes about sexuality and gender. Simply put, seniors are often left out of the sex conversation.
"There's no series that really showcases that when you have that age and experience, there's a tremendous amount of sexual power and sensuality that come with it," says Bree Mills, who runs Gamma Film, one of the largest and most active porn production companies in Los Angeles. On December 19, she published the first episode in a series called Age & Beauty , featuring mature women, ages 45 and above.
This is why Annie and John wanted to work with Lust: They know a thing or two, and they want to share it. In an era when young people learn about sex through free online porn, where facials, anal, and one-off hookups are the norm, they could use a little encouragement to explore the slow, intentional sex that Annie and John call "soul sex.” We all could.
“I had climaxes and multiple climaxes and all those things with conventional sex, but this is so different,” says Annie, who started the practice just over a few years ago. Deep connection is the point, not an orgasm . “When you truly focus mindfully on your own sensations, you're nurturing yourself, but, in a sense, that means you're nurturing your partner.”
"MILF" was the third most-searched term on Pornhub last year, but female performers in them can be as young as 25. Simply put, seniors are often left out of the conversation.
Their XConfessions film , Soulsex , will be released on March 14. Read more about the project in our conversation with Lust below.
ALLURE : What drew you to Annie and John?
ERIKA LUST: I find them to be two interesting people with a lot to say, and we have a lot to learn from their relationship. People need to start thinking a little more about this whole concept of slow sex, "soul sex" — mindfulness in your sexual experience. I had also wanted to shoot an older couple for years, but there are not many active people in pornography over the age of 35. There are not many Nina Hartleys.
E.L.: The market, I guess. But it's probably also because many people get into porn to earn money and then get out of it. We have this prejudice, as always, about porn stars: We see them as promiscuous, strange creatures who are into orgies and sex parties. Most of them are not at all. The performers I meet are driven and planning for their futures. They intend to earn a certain amount of money, which, in this line of work, you can do pretty quickly; buy an apartment, and figure out the next thing.
ALLURE : Why did you want to feature a mature couple in the first place?
E.L.: I wanted to show that sex can be absolutely beautiful and wonderful and sexy even with older bodies . We never see that. It may be a niche category in porn, but it has this nasty, fetishized spin: "grannies."
ALLURE : It’s fetishized because the idea of older women, in this case, having sex is taboo?
E.L.: Exactly. That's not at all what I wanted to do. I just wanted to make an honest movie showing two people and their wonderful relationship. John and Annie’s concept of "soul sex" is such a powerful message. It’s really about the importance, for a long-lasting couple, of touching each other every day. When we stop doing that, we stop desiring each other, and we stop having this special relationship. It’s a powerful approach, especially in this world we live in, where everything is so fast and furious. "Four minutes! Bam! Bam! Bam! Go! Go! Go!" Through the lens of mainstream pornography, sex has become something so aggressive. It's only about hard penetration.
ALLURE : What have been the other hurdles to working with mature actors?
E.L.: The difficulty was finding the right people, but that's always the thing with casting. For me, it's a long process to find the right people. I need to make sure that we’re on the same side and that we have the same values. That comes through with John and Annie. So many of us have these anxieties about our bodies, and I think watching people onscreen who are strong in their sexuality and personality can help us find more confidence.
ALLURE : We’re living longer lives than ever before, so watching John and Annie gives me hope that my sex life will be long, too. Also, I love that they both got turned on to this particular form of lovemaking later in life.
E.L.: Yes, after other people dying around them, even. Annie lost two partners to cancer. She and John met five years ago, so they’re still a new couple, in a way. When you see people of that age, you tend to assume that they've been together for a long time. But no — later on in life, you can have other experiences with new people and evolve, sexually and as human beings.
ALLURE : This film is part of your sex doc series, but do you also consider it porn?
E.L.: John and Annie don't consider it porn, but porn is difficult to define. Some define it as a film showing explicit sex. Does this film have explicit sex? Yes. But, in our society, porn has all of these bad connotations; most of us, when we close our eyes and think about porn, we see boobs and ass and the tube sites. It's smutty, not erotic, and this film is obviously different from that.
ALLURE : I think of porn as a film showing explicit sex with the intention of titillating the viewer. So, in a way, porn is in the eye of the beholder, right? Because the viewer controls what turns him or her on?
E.L.: I definitely made this film with the intention to arouse, because that's what I do. It's just another kind of arousal than what we are used to. Most of the XConfessions stories are fictional, but lately, I've been making films in which we get to know real couples and we get to see the kind of sex they have in their ordinary lives. The idea is that these documentaries will show you different ideas around sex, because I think that people — we have so many questions.
ALLURE : In the past 10 years, mainstream pornography has lost the beauty of filmmaking and eroticism. It’s all videos showing body parts. We lost the idea of actually seeing people have sex, which is really about connection, right?
E.L.: Yes, and sexuality. And different kinds of it. It's not that porn isn’t showing diversity, but it's the way it’s being shown. On those tube sites, every possible aspect of who we are is fetishized: If we have a fuller body, then we are in the "big ass" category; if we are older than 35, then we are "MILFs"; if we are black, then we are "ebony." This is one of the problems that we need to talk about, because in all other aspects of life, we don't let that happen.
Porn has somehow gotten the right to exist in this space where free speech is so open that we are letting it get into racism and misogynistic language. Go to Redtube or Pornhub and you will see things like "tiny teens getting destroyed," "nailing my pervy sis," and "slutty Latinas." We have to relabel our thinking, because porn has become this huge, influential genre. It wasn't like that before: Porn wasn't available at any time to anyone for no price. That really changed only 10-12 years ago with the Internet.
"Many people feel that they are not represented. Older viewers want to be included."
ALLURE : This is your main motivation for doing the work you do, right? So many kids are learning about sex from watching this stuff.
E.L.: They watch it and then they reproduce in their real lives what they see . We need to educate children better. I'm not going to send my daughters to a bar without talking to them about alcohol and drugs and the risk of leaving your glass somewhere, but we tend to leave children with access to the Internet without talking to them about what that involves.
At some hours, in some countries, the traffic driven toward pornography sites makes up one-third of Internet usage. That’s a huge number. It’s important to show real sex, authentic sex. It's not something that is only for beautiful, young, white bodies. It's for everyone.
ALLURE : Back to John and Annie: You wanted to make a film with an older couple because you felt that they're often left out of the sex conversation, but also because your audience requested it, right?
E.L.: XConfessions is a community of people, and they write to me. They give me critical feedback and they tell me what kinds of films they want to see , and one of the requests I get a lot is more films with older bodies.
E.L.: Many people feel that they are not represented. Older viewers want to be included. I also have requests from trans people and from African-American women. The latter is difficult because I live in Europe. We don't have as many black performers as you have here in the United States, and it's still expensive for us to fly people here for a shoot.
I've started to work with guest directors who are also making films. Trans people want to be included, too, but I think that they are better at representing what they want to see than I am. I want to give my audience the movies that they want to watch. I want to challenge my audience to understand how other people connect sexually with each other.
ALLURE : So what do you hope people will understand from watching John and Annie?
E.L.: What I would hope is for them to see that sex is something that probably will accompany them during all their lives, and to stop obsessing so much on that it's only something for young people. I do think sometimes seeing is believing. We can talk about how older people have sex, but there's something to really watching it that makes things click.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
Now let's dispel some myths about body hair:
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🔥 The XConfessions App is a FREE, fun game for couples to discover new, shared desires! 🔥 Download this free couple game right now to spice up your love life! The free game is easy: connect with your partner, and individually swipe your way through hundreds of hot fantasies. Swipe right to fantasies that you’d like to try and left to ones you don’t. When you and your partner swipe right to the same fantasy it will appear in your couple’s “bank” of fantasies, ready for you to bring to life together 😉 Swipe, match, play. Dare to spice things up! This sexy game is perfect for… - If you’re in love or have a longterm partner but you want to add more romance to your long term relationship or marriage. - When you’re dating someone new and want to discover what your new partner is into. - If you’ve met someone on a dating app and you’re trying to suss out whether they are a good match for you and worth meeting for a date. - If you’re single and on a journey of self love and discovery, you can play the game solo and find out what gets you hot and turns you on. - If you have romantic relationships with multiple people, there is no limit on how many people you can play the game with at one time so you can enjoy the XConfessions App with multiple partners, couples and “friends”! Playing the game and finding new fantasies with the XConfessions App: - Quickly and easily set up your profile for free. - Share your private code with your partner/s and connect. - Single or not in a couple? Play solo and get to know yourself better. - Dating multiple people? Play with as many people as you like. - Independently swipe through hundreds of hot fantasies. If you like one and you want to try it, swipe right. If you don’t, swipe left. - When your partner swipes right to the same fantasy as you, you’ve got yourself a match! - All of your matches go into your couple’s bank of fantasies that you both want to try. - Chat, schedule to meet and have a date IRL to go through your fantasies and have some fun 🔥 User security and privacy whilst playing the game: - Only users who you share your code with are able to play with you. - And, there’s no pressure: you and your partner will only see fantasies that you have both liked and swiped right to. The XConfessions App is a free, romantic, fun, friendly, secure and interactive truth or dare game. Couples of all genders and orientations are welcome to join and play 🏳️‍🌈. So whether you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual, or part of the LGBTQ+ community you can be proud of who you are with our orientation feature when you sign up and you’ll only see cards that are relevant to you! We welcome all genders too, not just women and men, so use the gender selector when you sign up to see the right cards for you. Our values are based on love, positivity, inclusivity and speaking openly about your desires. The fantasies are inspired by truth or dare games, but they are much hotter. Each card on the app caters for a wide range of fantasies. From special parties, to photos and romantic love scenarios. Whether you’re a swinger or an old school romantic, there are fantasies for everyone. If you have a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, friend with benefits, intimate friend, partner, you’re dating someone new, or you’re in a long term romantic couple, the XConfessions App makes it easier to talk to your partner about new fantasies. If you’re single, you can get to understand yourself better. Get fun in the best game for adults! ❤️
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Overall I really like it. My husband and I have matched on lots of things I wouldn't have known he was interested in. The concept is good, just needs some bug fixes. Also you're supposed to be able to add other people and play but mine doesn't show that option (my husband's does). And yes it does crash if you try to add a profile photo (we skipped it). **I contacted tech support and they said it would be fixed with the next update.**
16 people found this review helpful
The idea of the app is great and it has been super helpful for me and my partner in finding news things about eachother that we struggled to bring up and talk about. There are alot of common problems that aren't being acknowledged, let alone fixed by the Devs, adding a profile pic will cause the app to crash, there is no ? For if you need help understanding the app and I am stuck with the "come back in a few hours" screen for the past week now. All these features work for my partner's iPhone.
Like the app, sparks lots of fun conversations with my partner without having to be embarrassed of what to ask for or trying tk think too hard for new things. Wish that in your matched cards you could check off if you have tried them or not, it would be easier to sort!
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