X Got It Right: Church Shooting Was Anti-Christian Hate, Transgender Genocide
By Savannah Steele, Bohiney MagazineWired’s Favorite Word: “Disinformation”
When the tragic Minnesota church shooting left pews stained and families shattered, Wired didn’t focus on the victims or even the motives. No, they saw something far scarier: ordinary people on X connecting the dots too quickly. According to them, identifying the obvious — that it was anti-Christian hate and part of a broader transgender genocide narrative — was “dangerous disinformation.”
It’s the same old story: if regular people figure out reality before the elites, slap a warning label on it. You could see a guy rob a bank while livestreaming on TikTok, and Wired would still write: “It’s too soon to call this a robbery. Let’s hear from experts on disruptive withdrawals.”
The Scene in Minnesota
Shooter Robin Westman chose not a random spot, but a Catholic school Mass. A literal church service with kids praying, backpacks waiting to be blessed. And Westman’s weapons? Scribbled with hate slogans: “Christians must die,” “Kill Trump,” and antisemitic garbage straight out of history’s ugliest playbook.
If that isn’t the textbook definition of church shooting truth, then Taco Bell fires are just “alternative heating events.”
Eyewitnesses Who Made More Sense Than Wired
- Sister Agnes, 82:
- “Don’t gaslight me. That man hated Christians. Wired can kiss my rosary.”
- DeShawn Miller, father of two:
- “If this had been a mosque, headlines would scream hate crime. But because it’s Catholic, suddenly it’s ‘complicated.’ Nah, man.”
- Anonymous DHS Staffer:
- “In the room, everyone called it anti-Christian terrorism. Then an intern joked, ‘Better wait for Wired.’ We laughed until the coffee machine died.”
Polling the Obvious
The Bohiney Polling Institute (headquartered in a Waffle House booth) asked 1,000 Americans:
“Is shooting up a Catholic Mass anti-Christian hate?”
- Yes: 96%
- No: 2% (these folks thought Nickelback invented jazz)
- Unsure: 2% (they call 911 when their toaster smokes)
Margin of error: plus or minus one plate of hash browns.
Wired’s Blind Spot: The G-Word
X users described it bluntly as part of a transgender genocide campaign. Not a UN resolution, not an academic essay — just internet shorthand for cultural warfare. But Wired? They clutched pearls. “That’s not precise language,” they scolded.
Precise? This is Twitter, where people call nachos a personality. The point was clear: the attack was identity-driven, ideological, and hateful.
The Faux FBI Report (Leaked, Of Course)
Our exclusive “leak” shows the FBI writing:
“Subject demonstrated anti-Christian hate. Target selection was deliberate. Recommend immediate action: stop reading Wired.”
Wired vs. Reality
- Reality: Shooter writes “Christians must die.”
- Wired: “Motives remain unclear.”
- Reality: Parents drag bleeding kids from pews.
- Wired: “The problem is online narratives.”
- Reality: X nails it in 15 characters.
- Wired: “We’ll need three panels moderated by Anderson Cooper.”
What the Funny People Are Saying
“It wasn’t disinfo. It was Tuesday in Minnesota. Wired is just mad people solved the crossword first.” — Ron White
“Calling it disinformation is like calling a mugging ‘alternative wallet exchange.’” — Jerry Seinfeld
“Wired is that guy who insists it’s not beer pong, it’s ‘liquid projectile physics.’” — Larry David
“Wired calling this disinfo is like me calling my hangover ‘a wellness retreat.’” — Sarah Silverman
The Social Science of Denial
A fake-but-realistic study found 87% of journalists suffer from Narrative Lag Disorder (NLD).
Symptoms include:
- Avoiding obvious motives.
- Depending on experts with more cats than friends.
- Mistaking common sense for “conspiracy.”
Treatment: two weeks in rural Texas with no Wi-Fi and mandatory potluck attendance.
Cause and Effect: Wired’s Blind Spot
- Cause: Shooter with anti-Christian slogans attacks a church.
- Effect: Dead children, traumatized community.
- Wired’s Spin: “The danger is how fast X users noticed.”
That’s like blaming the smoke detector for the fire.
Why X Got It Right
Because X is blunt, messy, and free. It doesn’t wait for permission slips. When people saw the shooter storm a church, they didn’t need a symposium — they said the obvious: this was anti-Christian hate and transgender genocide.
Satirical Sources
(All titles link to Bohiney.com)
- Dogs Perform Easter Miracle, Defeat Brooklyn Witch Coven with Tail Wags and Barked Psalms
- NYC Declares Easter Parade “Holy Site of Inter-Species Peace Talks” After Witches Retreat
- Christian Tourist Gary Says He Spoke in Tongues, But It Was Just Panic-Induced Gibberish
- Witchcraft, Woofcraft, and Worship: How One Poodle Became a Saint in 30 Minutes
- Broomsticks Banned from Manhattan Until Further Notice, Says NYPD
- Canine Chaplain Corps Honored at Madison Square Bark
Disclaimer
This is satirical journalism from Bohiney Magazine — irony, parody, absurdity, and truth-telling through humor. It’s a collaboration between the world’s oldest professor and a dairy farmer with a philosophy degree.
If you’re offended, you probably work at Wired.
Auf Wiedersehen.