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Porn may not be on most parents' list of things they need to discuss with their children, but it probably needs to be.
Erotic images are available anywhere there's internet and a device.
Some kids use adult entertainment as a source of information and education about sex.
By not addressing the existence of pornography, parents may be leaving kids open to otherwise preventable self-image and mental health issues.
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The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
Posted October 14, 2022
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
Last week, I had an interview scheduled with essayist Rebecca Morrison. We planned to discuss body image for an article she’s writing, so I did what I do: I searched the web for her previous work. The following title, published in Salon , popped onto my screen: “Why I Started Watching Porn When I Turned 50.”
Huh? The subtitle read, “I suspected my teens knew more about porn than me. I didn't want to talk to them about it until I did some research.” OK, I was intrigued. While pornography had zero to do with our discussion topic, I couldn’t resist.
Rebecca wrote that she’d wanted to “satisfy her curiosity” and be knowledgeable for her teens. By the end, she’d reported learning, for example: why porn's so popular, the difference between "soft" porn vs. other ratings, how adult entertainment widely influenced personal hygiene styles, and how to find female-friendly sites with ethically-sourced porn (e.g., respectful and consenting, legally made, and celebrating sexual diversity). That all got me thinking.
I realized that my primary education in erotica happened in college in the 90s. Back then, to attain videos such as Mummy Dearest or Chatterbox (yup, her vagina spoke), we’d have to work for it. We’d physically get in a car and drive to a local video store. Then, there’d be that “back room” with the black curtain. We’d scan the store to make sure no one was looking and then we’d almost jump behind the fabric. With a racy video finally in hand, there’d be one more step to get the porn back to the dorm. We’d head to the checkout counter where (probably to make us goodie-goodies squirm) we’d hear, for example, “Your Edward Penishands is due back on Monday.” (Did he have to say the title so loudly?)
Notice all the effort that went into attaining erotica? None of that’s needed nowadays. Online, kids may accidentally type the wrong address or a well-intended search term that results in porn images. Kids can also get random adult entertainment popups. Pornography is available anywhere there's the internet and a device, such as at home, school, a classmate’s tablet, or a playground.
For adults, pornography use tends to be personal and often secret, and may be associated with feelings of shame. It makes sense that parents and guardians might prefer to avoid the topic with their kids. Yet, by not addressing porn, you may be leaving your kids open to otherwise preventable self-image and mental health issues—possibly even legal problems.
According to a study published in 2022, of the 385 undergraduates surveyed, “28.2 percent of males and 23.7 percent of females recalled their exposure [to porn] as occurring between 9 and 11 years" of age. A small number of participants were exposed even earlier.
Though COVID and lockdowns could have blown up the ability to trust existing studies and data, so far, research indicates that porn use by minors has remained fairly steady.
Various studies confirm that youngsters sometimes use pornography as a source of information and education about sex. A 2017 synthesis of articles, published by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, offered the following key messages:
While many parents hope and believe their kids won’t fall prey to influences based on violence or fantasy , that's not necessarily the case. For instance, a 2019 study suggested that exposure to violent porn may be one risk factor for teen dating violence (TDF). In the study, female adolescents who were exposed to violent porn were “over 1.5 times as likely to perpetrate physical and threatening TDV, whereas male adolescents who were exposed were over 3 times as likely to perpetrate sexual TDV.”
It may also be important to consider the various styles of sex that kids may be exposed to through porn, especially those that it's especially important to be thoughtful, safe, and mindfully consenting about (e.g., BDSM ).
Yes, the ongoing, built-in risk of kids witnessing adult sexualized stills and videos leaves a lot to discuss with innocent, young minds. When the time is appropriate, consider the following.
Please do what you need to ensure you can have the healthiest and most honest, helpful, protective, and shame-free conversation possible with your kid(s).
This blog is for informational purposes and does not provide therapy or professional advice.
Bernstein, S., Warburton, W., Bussey, K., & Sweller, N. (2022). Mind the gap: Internet pornography exposure, influence and problematic viewing amongst emerging adults. Sexuality, Research and Social Policy. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-022-00698-8
Bőthe, B., Vaillancourt-Morel, M. P., Dion, J., Paquette, M. M., Massé-Pfister, M., Tóth-Király, I., & Bergeron, S. (2022). A Longitudinal study of adolescents' pornography use frequency, motivations, and problematic use before and during the COVID-19 pandemic. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51 (1), 139–156. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02282-4
British Board of Film Classification. (n.d.) New research commissioned by the BBFC into the impact of pornography on children demonstrates significant support for age-verification. https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-us/news/children-see-pornography-as-young-…
Jochen, P. & Valkenburg, P. M., (2016). Adolescents and pornography: A review of 20 years of research. Journal of Sex Research, 53 (4-5), 509-531. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00224499.2016.1143441
Morrison, R. (2022, April 16). Why I started watching porn when I turned 50: I suspected my teens knew more about porn than me. I didn't want to talk to them about it until I did some research. Salon.com
Perry, D. L. (2016). The impact of pornography on children. American College of Pediatricians. https://acpeds.org/position-statements/the-impact-of-pornography-on-chi…
Quadara, A., El-Murr. A., & Latham, J. (2017). The effects of pornography on children and young people: An evidence scan. Melbourne, Australian Institute of Family Studies.
Rostad, W. L., Gittins-Stone, D., Huntington, C., Rizzo, C. J., Pearlman, D., & Orchowski, L. (2019). The association between exposure to violent pornography and teen dating violence in grade 10 high school students. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 48 (7), 2137–2147. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-019-1435-4
Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, MA, LMFT, LPCC, CEDS-S, is the author of MeaningFULL: 23 Life-Changing Stories of Conquering Dieting, Weight, and Body Image Issues.
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.
Psychology Today © 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC
The question is not whether you’ll change; you will. Research clearly shows that everyone’s personality traits shift over the years, often for the better. But who we end up becoming and how much we like that person are more in our control than we tend to think they are.
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In November 2016, Cameron Cook was shopping with his mother, Heather, at their local Target outside Boston. While walking through the store, Cameron, 17, noticed a suspicious-looking man.
Cameron said the man had a “demonic look” in his eye, so he kept watching him. It wasn't long before the curious teenager realized the man was fixated on a little girl whose mother was using the restroom at the time. He could tell the man did not know the little girl, and the more he observed, the more uncomfortable he became.
Just seconds later, the man thrust himself up against the girl, who looked visibly confused.
Without hesitation, Cameron threw himself between the man and the girl and confronted him head-on. He showed no fear — and what he did next is nothing short of heroic.
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THE search for a missing mother and son took a shocking turn when cops found a woman's body in the trunk of the car they were believed to be in, police said.
Texas teen Tyler Roenz, 17, was hospitalized in serious condition following a car chase and crash 900 miles from where he and his mother were reported missing.
Family members reported Michelle Roenz, 49, and her son Tyler missing from Humble, Texas on Thursday morning.
The report prompted an alert to be issued across the state with the public urged to be on the lookout for a black 2011 Mazda.
After getting a call from the Harris County Sheriff's Office saying that the car might be in Nebraska, state patrol spotted it in Aurora.
Nebraska troopers tried to stop the car before the driver led them on a chase.
The car hit speeds of up to 110mph before smashing into the back of a semi-truck and tree after around nine miles, NSP said.
First responders found Tyler injured at the wheel and a woman's body was discovered in the trunk of the car, Texas authorities said.
"The male driver has been identified as missing teen Tyler Roenz," law enforcement said.
"Tyler is being treated at a hospital and said to be in serious condition.
"The body of a deceased female has been discovered in the trunk of the vehicle; the identity of the person remains unknown at this time."
Harris County Sheriff Ed Gonzalez initially said that the mother and son's disappearance was "under suspicious circumstances or came up missing under suspicious circumstances," but did not clarify any details, ABC 13 reported.
ABC 13's sources revealed that blood was found inside the family home.
While many questions remain, court documents reviewed by the news outlet showed that Tyler was apparently facing sex assault charges.
ABC 13 reported that he was charged with attempted sexual assault in March after an alleged attack on an 18-year-old woman inside a car.
Tyler allegedly took her phone and hit her when she tried to get it back, according to court documents.
He then allegedly ripped off her shirt and kicked her in the face.
The woman reportedly took a video after the event which she gave to police, ABC 13 reported.
Gonzalez said the allegations were not a current factor in their investigation.
"I don't believe there is any connection," Gonzalez said according to KHOU 11 .
"I did hear that there were some possible charges pending that are in place."
Tyler remained hospitalized and was reportedly under arrest on Friday night in Nebraska.
The sheriff said that the investigation is still active and Harris County Sheriff's County Homicide Investigators are working with local authorities to find answers.
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