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One mom has no idea what she should do after she discovered that her 18-year-old son was having sex with her sister-in-law. Originally, she thought that having her brother and his family come stay with them at their farm would be a nice change. Their families could bond, she reasoned. But perhaps her son and his aunt took that spirit a little too literally.
They own a house on a large farm, she explained on the r/relationship_advice forum, and because they'd all been working from home they thought "it would be a good chance to stay together as family and for my nieces to spend time on the farm," she explained.
As for the mom, she has three kids of her own: a 13-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old daughter, and a son who's 18 years old.
Like when they recently went grocery shopping together and he splintered off from his mom to go buy "gym supplements."
"I saw condoms in my son's plastic bag when we arrived at the house two packs with 36 condoms each so 72 in total (didn't think anything of it thought he had gotten a GF and wanted to be safe)," she wrote.
It seemed very "normal" until recently when the mom was baking in the house and realized that she never actually saw them run around the property.
"I asked about it and they said they decided to hit the road (I thought nothing of this everything seemed normal)," she continued. "My SIL and son seemed to have a very good bond."
She was coming home from a friend's house before the sun came up when she noticed there was a light on in a cabin that they have on the property.
"I thought maybe one of the employees had forgotten to lock up," she explained. "So I went to close the door and switch off the light as I got closer I heard people having sex and I took a [peek] and it was my son and SIL having sex. I didn't confront them I was so in shock."
Does she confront them? Does she tell her husband? Does she tell her brother?
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sure they have been having sex for a while from the condoms (my son was always at the house, never brought a GF), the morning runs around the farm (do they really go on a run or do they have sex?), the close relationship," she mused.
"I grew up on a farm and I'm just going to give you the advice no one here has yet -- hide the guns," one person advised. "Lock them up in a safe if you have one and put the key in a new place. No matter how you handle this it's gonna be bad."
"Tell husband first, then brother when son (and SIL + kids if possible) is out of the house," someone else suggested. "Come up with a plan with your husband to get them not living in your house anymore. Get a therapist for your son. No matter how 'consensual' this was, he's still young and this was a trusted family member who went after him. The months of lies alone will make him question his own integrity and could lead to issues.
"Lock up the weapons, not saying anything about your brother at all, but desperate people do desperate things," the person continued. "You never know how anyone involved will react. Hope for the best, plan for the worst."
"Tell your husband then sit down and talk to your son together, away from everyone else. Say, 'I know you and your aunt have been having sex. I need [you] to tell me what's going on,'" the person wrote. "Do not elaborate and do not tell him what or how you know. He will spill more information this way than if you give him details, because that means he can't lie as easily. Then get him and ALL of the kids out of the house before you talk to your brother."
In an update to her original post, she shared that she first went to her husband (who could barely believe it was true) and then her son, who'd seen her first post online and already knew that his mom knew about the illicit affair.
"He didn't deny anything, he confessed," she wrote. "He told us him and SIL have been having sex since February last year (he was 17 at the time). My son said it started on SIL's birthday party he attended they got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and they have been meeting at hotels ever since and sneaking off at family gatherings."
She wrote that her son told her the SIL initiated their first encounter and was the one setting up hotel rooms, buying him meals and giving him "an allowance."
He sent their son to stay in a condo they owned "in town as he didn't want to see him in front of him at this moment."
"When my son was gone my husband stormed into my brother's room and told my brother everything (SIL was not in the house at that moment)," she continued.
He demanded to know where his nephew was to "teach him a lesson," but the parents refused to tell him. Meanwhile, her SIL never returned -- which means her brother called her or her son tipped her off.
"In all the screaming and shouting my daughters heard everything and are devastated that their family might be ruined they miss their brother and are afraid my husband won't ever let him in the house again," she wrote. "My husband hates all forms of infidelity to the core and has always drilled this in our two eldest children that they must never cheat on anyone or be in a relationship with someone in a relationship."
He won't answer her calls or texts, and her husband advised her to give him space to "heal."
"My son has left the condo because he is afraid of what my brother will do to him and is now hiding at a friend's and he won't tell us which friend," she wrote. "No word on SIL."
It is probably best if her brother and his family leave the farm and allow them to work through things on their own, while she and her husband work together to get her son into therapy. Hopefully he can both get the support he needs but also realize that his actions have MAJOR consequences.
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Her fellow Mumsnet users are far from sympathetic... with many of them saying she should have set better boundaries
A MUM has been left "mortified" after accidentally telling her son a bit TOO much information about her sex life.
Mumnset user bestoutofthree said she was "taken by surprise" by her 12-year-old's questions, and now regrets letting her secrets slip.
The mum explained that her son asked: "How often do you and Dad have sex?" and, after checking that he was sure he wanted to know, she said: "Once or twice a week I guess".
At which point, her son replied: "Oh. Now NEVER say that again," leaving his baffled mum to reply: "You asked! And I double checked!"
Her post continued: "I am a very modest person and never talk about sex with friends at all, but DS (dear son) has far fewer inhibitions and often mentions things I find embarrassing.
"I would never in a million years have asked that question of my mother! Has anyone had discussions like that with their DC (dear children)?
"I expect normal 'what is sex' conversations but didn't expect personal questions like that."
But most of her fellow mums felt she shouldn't have given so much away.
Among them was steff13, who wrote: "I would have told him it wasn't his business."
While TheStoic said: "I probably would have asked why he wanted to know. Seems like an odd response to your answer."
And FenceSitter01 added: "There are boundaries in any relationship. It is inappropriate for anyone to enquire about your sex life, unless its a HCP (health care professional).
"Be that your parents, children or friends. Some things just are private."
While YetAnotherSpartacus warned: "Maybe he's comparing with his friends over Facebook and you'll earn the most embarrassing parent award cos (because) the others won't admit they have done it since the conception of the enquirer?"
She added: "Oh - and they'll all share with their parents and you'll see lots of raised eyebrows. Also - your DS will need therapy."
And MrsOverTheRoad wrote: "I think you should have used the opportunity to teach him about boundaries! It's an inappropriate question."
After hearing from the other mums, bestoutofthree added:  "Now I regret answering.. I was caught off guard."
But VladmirsPoutine was more sympathetic, writing: "Tbh (to be honest) he asked and you felt ok in answering.
"It's not as if you casually mentioned it to the cashier at Tesco or something.
"It's typical that he'll feel grossed out by it. But there we go. He asked a question and got an answer."
TheStoic added: "Just leave it. It's not your fault, you were caught off guard. Nobody expects a question like that out of the blue."
And Lethaldrizzle joked: "I'm impressed with once or twice a week!"
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