Worst Movie Sex Scenes

Worst Movie Sex Scenes

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Jon O'Brien Saturday 17 Mar 2018 11:00 am
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Recent releases Red Sparrow and Fifty Shades Freed have both been mocked for their sex scenes.
The Guardian described those in the latter as though they were directed by someone who has never actually had sex.
But they are far from the worst culprits when it comes to hanky-panky on the big screen.
Featuring everything from ridiculous pool-based hysterics to cringe-inducing dirty talk, here’s a look at ten all-time terrible sex scenes far more likely to amuse than arouse.
What better way to kick off this list than the sex scene widely regarded as the most unintentionally hilarious of all time.
Indeed, former Saved By The Bell star Elizabeth Berkley’s career never recovered after appearing in Paul Verhoeven’s much-maligned erotic drama, although the film has since been reevaluated as something of a camp cult classic.
One particular sex scene is largely to blame, as the one-time Jessie Spano and should-know-better Kyle MacLachlan wildly thrash around in a swimming pool like a couple of dolphins caught in a fishing net.
Berkley and MacLachlan appear relatively restrained compared to the two adulterous leads in 1992 drama Damage.
Here, Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche dramatically writhe around like two wild cats on heat in various scenes which aim for lustful but end up being purely laughable.
As you’d expect from a film celebrated for being the worst ever made, The Room’s bedroom action is also comically inept.
You have to sit through three interminably long sex scenes in the first half-hour – two of which essentially share the exact same footage – in the so-bad-it’s-brilliant masterpiece.
But we’ve gone for the very first time you see Tommy Wiseau’s bare buttocks and his thrusting at poor Juliette Danielle’s belly button.
‘It’s turkey time! Gobble, gobble.’
It wasn’t so much the sight of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez – then a real-life couple – getting it on that made people laugh at 2003 romantic comedy Gigli for all the wrong reasons, but the latter’s terrible fowl-inspired dirty talk.
Poor Lea Thompson. The actress has starred in one of the all-time greatest film trilogies, Back to the Future, and landed her own four-season sitcom (Caroline In The City).
But to some, she will forever be associated with having sex with a guy in a creepy duck suit in the seven-time Razzie-nominated stinker, Howard The Duck.
Stan Collymore and Sharon Stone: not two names you would ever have expected to share the big screen together.
Yet the former Liverpool striker and erotic thriller regular did more than just that in the opening scene of sequel-that-nobody-asked-for Basic Instinct 2.
Indeed, just moments before Collymore’s drugged character meets his grisly end, he and Stone’s femme fatale decide to get hot and heavy while driving along in a sports car at 100mph.
And it’s not exactly a pretty sight.
Killing Me Softly was another erotic drama designed to titillate which instead caused much tittering thanks to comical scenes.
Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes’s lusty lovers embrace their kinky side with an array of silk ropes.
Unfortunately, it has the effect of making them look like a pair of dancing marionettes.
The nadir of Madonna’s largely dismal film career, Body Of Evidence saw the Queen Of Pop play a woman, accused of killing her lover during sex, embark on a sadomasochistic affair with her lawyer (Willem Dafoe).
The wax candle-dripping sex scene may be the film’s most famous, but the most excruciating to watch occurs when the pair bump uglies on top of a car, strewn with broken glass, in an underground parking lot.
The second-hand cringe factor goes off the scale in a painfully awkward sex scene between Patrick Wilson’s Nite Owl and Malin Akerman’s Silk Spectre II in 2009’s Watchmen.
Everything about it just fails miserably – from the graceless fumbling and highly unsubtle symbolism of the thrusting spaceship setting to the pretentious mood-killing choice of Leonard Cohen dirge Hallelujah.
It was always going to be tough to make a sex scene involving Avatar’s 12ft-tall blue humanoids look anything other than comical.
And this creepy dreadlock-interlocking display makes you wonder why James Cameron even bothered.
If you liked this story you should give our new sex podcast Good Sex Bad Sex a listen – it’s out every Wednesday.
The show is available now on iTunes here and on Soundcloud here .
Metro bloggers Miranda Kane and Bibi Lynch co-host the show, chatting to a different guest about all things sex and relationships each week.
Think good cop bad cop – but with more handcuff action.

The 10 Best & Worst Movie Sex Scenes
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Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s the most romantic day of the year (at least, if you’ve been listening to the endless advertising), and we hope you’ve made your plans, movie-related or otherwise (we’d argue that nothing says Valentine’s Day like the twists and sexual politics of “ Side Effects ,” but other options are available…). Now, February 14th is about many things: wining, dining, flowers, cards, chocolate, declarations of undying love. But all being well, it’s about something else too: knocking boots.
Yep, sex is as much part of Valentine’s Day as love and romance, even if Hallmark aren’t quite so keen to push that side of things. The history of the cinematic sex scene is a decidedly spotty one; just as it’s tricky to write a convincing literary coupling, it’s easy for movies to descend into cliche and unintentional comedy when it’s time for their characters to make the beast with two backs. So, in honor of all those getting laid tonight — and to give those of you who are single something to do — we present a brief history of the movie sex scene, with a somewhat random selection of ten of our favorites, and ten of what we consider to be the very worst. Let us know your own favorites (and not-so-favorites) in the comments section below. Oh, and everything that follows is pretty much NSFW , obviously.
“Don’t Look Now”
Unquestionably one of the single greatest ever committed to film, “ Don’t Look Now ” somehow managed to reinvent the sex scene in a way that only few have dared try ( Steven Soderbergh being one of them, but more on that in a minute). What makes the “Don’t Look Now” sex scene so hot and so damn brilliant, is that director Nicolas Roeg cuts up the action, and this chronological unmooring actually adds to the sensuality and emotional weight of the moment. Yes, we get to see Donald Sutherland (and his argyle socks) and a lithe Julie Christie getting to know each other in the biblical sense, but interspersed with that we also see them getting ready to leave their apartment, so while they’re writhing around naked they’re also putting on their jewelry and adjusting their blazers. The sequence is disorienting and amazing, with sexiness to spare. It was so sexy, in fact, that several seconds had to be clipped from the domestic release to secure an R rating. Those cuts have been reinstated for the now out-of-print DVD release, which for some reason still carries the R. Rumors have persisted that the scene was not simulated, and watching it now, you can understand why many thought it was the real deal.
“Mulholland Drive”
You could argue, in a way, that David Lynch ‘s “ Mulholland Drive ” is almost entirely a sex scene — a fevered, guilt-ridden masturbation fantasy as Naomi Watts ‘ failed actress Diana mourns the woman that she’s in love with, who she’s hired a hitman to murder. But regardless of your interpretation of the film, there’s one rather more straightforward sex scene that marks among the most memorable of recent years. It takes place as Watts’ Betty and the amnesiac Rita, hiding out in the apartment of a dead woman, finally consummate their passion. It’s unashamedly titillating stuff (though chaste in comparison to some similar scenes), but, as with so much about the film, it’s Watts that elevates it. Her nervousness and uncertainty (“Have you ever done this before?”), and almost unwillingness to believe her own luck, makes it not just sexy, but downright romantic. And by the time they’ve gone through the rabbit hole at Club Silencio, there’s a retrospective pain to the scene, knowing that Betty/Diana is remembering, or fantasizing about, better times with the woman she’s just had murdered.

“A History Of Violence”
Few filmmakers in contemporary cinema know how to use sex more effectively than David Cronenberg , and few actresses have mastered the form like Maria Bello (her scene with William H. Macy in “ The Cooler ” is another classic). So it’s no surprise that the two scenes in “ A History Of Violence ” are textbook examples of how to use sex scenes to show character and tell story, rather than to stop audiences from falling asleep. Early in the film, Bello’s Edie Stall dresses up as a cheerleader for her husband Tom ( Viggo Mortensen ), and the two make out like hungry teenagers, culminating in what must be the first mainstream cinema depiction of a 69. It’s an important scene (and a strangely charming one; see the bug-eyed excitement in Mortensen’s eyes, and the way Bello laughs as she pulls off her belt) in that it shows how deeply in love the pair are. But it also serves as a contrast to the later scene. Tom has confessed to his wife that he’s really mobster-on-the-run Joey Cusack, and the pair fight in the staircase of their home, an argument that turns violent, and suddenly sexual, as it appears that Tom/Joey, now off the chain, is going to rape his wife. Suddenly, he stops, but then she urges him to continue, the two desperately fucking on the stairs with a passion that is markedly different from the comfortable, romantic sex of the earlier scene. A sequence such as this is always going to require walking a fine line (see: “ Straw Dogs “), but the performances are so perfect, and the direction so finely judged, that Cronenberg pulls it off.
“Coming Home”
Sex and disability have been back in the headlines of late thanks to “ The Sessions ,” but for all the strengths of that film, it’s never quite as memorable as this classic scene from Hal Ashby ‘s 1978 Oscar-winner “ Coming Home .” After a certain amount of dancing around each other, as it were, conservative military wife Sally ( Jane Fonda ) and paraplegic vet Luke ( Jon Voight ) finally go to bed together. He’s been consigned to a wheelchair after being wounded in ‘Nam, but they work it out, Luke giving Sally her first ever orgasm by going down on her (which, if it’s a rarity in cinematic sex scenes now, was even more so then). Haskell Wexler’ s camera lingers on the intimate touches between the pair, and on Fonda’s face as she comes, giving it a real tenderness, while refusing to ignore the scars on Voigt’s back. It’s just about as sexy as anything that’s ever been put on screen, and one of the more memorable scenes in a tremendous film (released, coincidentally, thirty-five years ago tomorrow).
“Out Of Sight”
Borrowing from Nicolas Roeg ‘s uncanny “ Don’t Look Now ” sex scene (see above), director Steven Soderbergh rearranges the order of this sex scene between George Clooney (as an escaped bank robber) and Jennifer Lopez (as the federal agent tasked with chasing him down). We seem them getting to know each other at a cheesy hotel bar, in a kind of elaborate role-playing game, and at the same time we see them getting frisky, with both stars getting down to their skivvies. Even if it is a riff on something else, it’s clever and supernaturally sexy, aided by the slinky electronic score by David Holmes and the lush cinematography (the snow falling outside their hotel room window is a nice flourish). The sequence works so well because Soderbergh has an academic understanding of what made the Roeg sequence so powerful; it isn’t just a lazy photocopy, it’s its own thing – a living, breathing, totally sexy thing. The fact that it features two giant movie stars at the peak of their respective handsomeness is just an added bonus. This is an homage that has just as much of an impact as the original.
“Brokeback Mountain”
Regardless of the orientation and gender of its protagonists (and, indeed the viewer), “ Brokeback Mountain ” stands as one of the most searing and effective films about forbidden and semi-requited love out there, and it all starts with one night in a tent. Ennis ( Heath Ledger ) and Jack ( Jake Gyllenhaal ) have been hired to tend sheep over a Wyoming summer, and one cold night, after they’ve both been drinking, Jack invites Ennis into his tent. There’s a sense of inevitability in the moments beforehand, and even as they realize what’s happening, the pair are almost trying to fight each other, each instigating, then pushing back violently. But finally, it happens; without even a kiss, Jack takes his jeans down, and the pair have sex. There are more romantic scenes on this list, and ones that are more arousing, certainly, but thanks to Ang Lee (who also contributed some equally memorable, if more explicit scenes in “ Lust, Caution “), there’s a sensuality to go with the almost businesslike manner of the duo.
“Y Tu Mamá Tambien”
Fittingly for a film that focuses on two adolescent boys who think with their dicks much more than they do with their brains, Alfonso Cuarón ‘s coming-of-age road movie “ Y Tu Mamá Tambien ” is pretty much obsessed with sex from the get-go, with the earliest scenes finding Julio ( Gael García Bernal ) and Tenoch ( Diego Luna ) both having sex with their girlfriends, and masturbating together by the pool. But their sexual competition becomes more pronounced when they head off on a road trip with Luisa ( Maribel Verdú ), the wife of Tenoch’s cousin, who, unbeknownst to Julio or Tenoch, has a terminal illness. She beds first Tenoch, then Julio, each proving awkward and less than skilled in the sack. But the film’s most memorable sex scene comes near the end, when the trio all go to bed together, drunkenly, Luisa going down on the boys while they kiss, passionately. It’s less panicked and awkward than previous encounters, Luisa’s demonstration of the boy’s latent attraction to each seemingly proving a release for the pair, even as they worship her (and to an extent, she them). It’s a touching and deeply sexy scene, even if it’s one of the unlikelier precursors to a ‘ Harry Potter ‘ movie you can imagine (Cuarón’s next film was the third Potter film, “ The Prisoner of Azkaban .”)
“Secretary”
Long after the then-shocking subject matter has been absorbed into the mainstream (hence the enormous success of “ Fifty Shades Of Grey “), Steven Shainberg ‘s “ Secretary ” has settled into its place in film history as a smart, rich and beautifully acted romantic comedy, albeit one with lashings of BDSM. Shainberg was setting out to help to normalize such non-vanilla relationships in the eyes of audiences, inspired by films like “ My Beautiful Launderette ,” and certainly succeeded, with his tale of the relationship between self-harming secretary Lee ( Maggie Gyllenhaal ), and her employer, attorney E. Edward Grey (everyone’s favorite cinematic perv, James Spader ). He’s initially infuriated by her incompetence at work, but the two gradually work out that her submissiveness, and his dominance, go hand in hand, and they tentatively fall in love. Bar the spanking et al, it’s a reasonably traditional love triangle — Edward the emotionally unavailable Mr. Darcy type, her boyfriend ( Jeremy Davies ) the harmless, hapless Bill Pullman figure. But even without all that much actual intercourse going on, at least in the more memorable moments, the sex scenes are almost revelatory, Shainberg letting them unfold slowly, placing Lee’s gradual awakening, and Edward’s emotional thawing, front and center. The director’s now prepping a film about a foot fetishist, so let’s see if lightning can strike twice…
“Team America: World Police”
Well, they can’t all be sexy, can they? Having featured a sex scene between Saddam Hussein and Satan in their previous movie, “ South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut ,” Trey Parker and Matt Stone had a job on their hands topping it, but managed it in “ Team America: World Police ” by throwing in everything but the kitchen sink. After a disastrous mission in Cairo, Broadway actor turned anti-terrorist agent Gary (Parker), and psychologist team-mate Lisa ( Kristen Miller ) share their feelings, and sleep together. Although, really, there’s very little sleeping involved; at least in the extended, uncensored version (it was cut in half to avoid an NC-17). The two puppets go through almost every imaginable sexual position and act you can manage to do with two people, from good ‘ol missionary to pissing and shitting on each other, and everything in between. It’s not exactly a turn-on, but it’s pretty damn hilarious. And perhaps more importantly, the scene gets to the heart of a more profound point; sex is pretty ridiculous, from the outside at least, and if you can’t laugh during it, you’re probably doing it wrong.
“The Postman Always Rings Twice”
Whether Bob Rafelson ‘s 1981 remake (or, if you prefer, second adaptation of James M. Cain ‘s novel) is preferable to the 1946 original is up for debate, but one thing’s for certain; the more recent film is a lot more explicit. As with previous takes, the film sees Frank
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