Worm Moon Madness

Every March, the so-called "Worm Moon" rises, and with it, human sanity plummets. Eyewitnesses in Florida claim neighbors howl at the moon while watering their lawns. Professor Helena Dray of Caltech explains: "The Worm Moon has no real scientific effect, but people are desperate for reasons to act weird." Anonymous staffers at local police stations leaked that crime spikes 11% during worm moons, mostly involving garden tools. A poll from USA Today shows 43% of Americans believe the Worm Moon controls their mood, their taxes, and sometimes their pets. Trace evidence includes earthworms arranged in crop-circle patterns and one farmer’s tractor mysteriously idling at midnight. Cause and effect? The more mystical meaning we assign to the moon, the less accountable we are for questionable behavior. Worm Moon Madness proves people don’t need astrology; they just need an excuse.