Work Wife

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Work Wife
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Geraldine is a GR8NESS Contributing Editor who writes about self care, clean makeup and beauty, mental health, and relationships – as well as natural remedies and fitness. She’s a coffee enthusiast with Venezuelan roots, a former ballerina, and the sunscreen patrol. Most of the time, you can find her working on her skincare routine or trying a new dance workout.
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Before I knew about the existence of the now coined term “work wife,” I had one. As new team members, we both found ourselves learning the ins and outs of what it meant as young women to be part a new company. When we both felt down, we supported each other to make the most out of the tedious tasks of the day. Our friendship quickly moved through the levels of co-working and flourished in what I call a real-life work marriage.
We confided in each other about professional matters, always checked in with one another about office gossip, and eventually opened up about our personal relationships and goals. Whenever she was out of the office, I missed her terribly, sometimes even more than my personal partner.
One day, we joked about how we’ve suddenly become “work wives.” It was pretty straight-forward, we spent most of our days together, the things that mattered to one were important to the other one, we both worked towards the same goals, and we somehow were in it together.
But, I’m not alone. Around 50% of female employees and 44% of male employees said that they had a work spouse at one point in their career, according to a survey by SimplyHired .
In a nutshell, a work spouse is a term we use to refer to a coworker, usually of the opposite sex, with whom you share a special relationship. Your relationship has grown in a way where you’ve developed bonds similar to those of a marriage.
We’re wired to communicate with others. From an early age, we’re told to be open communicators, paying close attention to how people talk, move, and think to try your best to use similar tone of voice, words, and even body language when we’re communicating.
When you start engaging with someone this way for a long time, it’s natural for you to develop an affection for them. Not in a romantic way. Actually, research shows that these close relationships don’t lead to romantic relationships.
The truth is that several studies suggest that having close friends in the workplace increases job satisfaction. By creating a sense of teamwork, having a work spouse also gives you a source of strength and resilience when things go sideways.
Not to mention, our careers are a huge portion of who we are as individuals and our daily life. Often, family members and out-of-work friends don’t have a real appreciation for what your career entails. A work spouse understands every aspect of your workplace, and is able to empathize with you at a deeper level.
If all the stuff I mentioned previously hasn’t convinced you yet, let me go into a bullet point list of why finding a working wife today will be the GR8EST thing you’ll do in your career.
Does all of this sound familiar? Most people have a work wife or work husband without realizing. Odds are you’re always together, you have inside jokes, you talk outside of work all the time, and you’re continually mocking each other.
My rule of thumb? If someone has already compared you to a marriage, you’re work spouses.
If you’re not sure, look out for these clear signs:
Take a minute to consider all these factors and think if you already have a work wife sitting close to you at the office. If you don’t, I encourage you to find one. My work wife moved on from the company, but there’s still a Post-It note that says “Forever Work Wife Goals” that reminds me that we’re still best friends, and that’s a pretty amazing relationship to have.
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to implement real change and share your thoughts along the way.
Keep an eye out for new features with GR8 Labs and profile enhancements as
we grow with you. Participate in exclusive surveys that influence product
development and testing while making connections with subject matter
experts. Make your GR8 voice heard.
Start on a journey to a GR8ER you, on your terms and at
your own speed. Whether you're looking for tips on diet and
nutrition, or in-depth content on self-care, self-development
or the human mind, you're in the right place.
When you select your interests and interact on the site, we'll
begin to curate content that's tailored to your unique interests. No
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I was reading an online article about work relationships, when a comment caught my eye . The commenter, bookbug273, wrote: “I have a ‘work husband ’, and my real husband has a ‘work wife’! We tease each other about it, but it’s all totally OK.”
That’s when I realised: there was a name for my husband’s friendship with his co-worker, Kimberly. She was his ‘work wife’. And I was definitely not cool with it.
The phrase ‘work wife’ made complete sense to me. After all, she was Matt’s closest friend at work, the one who understood all of the issues he had with his boss and the corporate structure. And their closeness was making me uncomfortable and jealous.
That night, when Matt got home, I said, “Kim’s your work wife, isn’t she?”
He grinned. “Yeah! I guess you’re right. She is!”
That was not the response I wanted. A denial would have been preferable. To have Matt so comfortable with acknowledging his intimacy with Kim – even if it was just as a friend – was unnerving.
Is 'work wife' on this list of breakup reasons? (Post continues after video.)
Three years ago, when Matt told me that he was training a new woman named Kim at his office, I didn’t bat an eyelid.
I’d forgotten about it, until Matt came home from work one day and said, “Guess what! Kim and I found out that we went to primary school together!”
I didn’t see what the big deal was. People cross paths all the time. But Matt was oddly excited that he and Kim had been at the same school, even though she was a few years older than him.
After that, Matt managed to weave in little facts about Kim into many of our after-work conversations. Kim used to ride horses, he said. Kim had grown up just two suburbs away from him. Their parents had holiday homes in neighbouring beachside towns. She had also been an exchange student in Europe. Both of them had parents who were medical professionals.
Naturally, I worried that Matt was having an affair, and I confronted him about it.
“Me? With Kim?!” he laughed. “She’s married! And her husband’s a really nice guy!”
As if that would make a difference.
I began to make excuses to visit Matt at work. I had a meeting in his business park one day, and stopped by the office so that we could have lunch together.
“You have to meet Kim,” he told me excitedly. “You’ll love her.”
I was shocked when I met her, because she was nothing like what I expected. I was thinking of all of the famous, sexy and alluring Kims…Kim Kardashian, Kimberley Davies.
But Matt’s Kim was nothing like that. She was seemed very sensible, even plain. Although I felt unbelievably shallow, I still felt relieved that she was not a sexual threat. And Matt was right: she was nice.
My sense of relief was temporary, though, when I started to notice that Matt was listening to Kim more than he was listening to me. (Post continues after gallery.)
Matt had been having troubles with his boss, Angus, and it was bothering him. He was considering calling a meeting to confront Angus. I warned against it.
“Just be nice, and be positive,” I suggested. “You’re a great worker. If you keep working hard, Angus is bound to notice eventually.”
“I don’t think that’ll work,” grumbled Matt.
A few weeks later, Matt seemed to be in a better mood. I asked him what had made him so happy.
“I just had a really great chat with Kim, and she made me realise that I’ve just got to keep being myself at work. You know, being optimistic and friendly. Angus will notice me eventually, she says.”
“That’s exactly what I said!” I cried. “I told you that ages ago. Why didn’t you take my advice then?”
“I know you said it,” Matt explained. “It just helped that Kim said it, too. She’s like you. I’m so lucky to have two smart women in my life.”
There was no way that I could agree with him. Kim and I were not alike at all. In fact, it was our differences that caused me the most concern.
There were things that Kim had in common with Matt that I could never have.
Like Matt, she was from a wealthy family. They both swapped stories about holidaying in the Maldives and skiing at luxury resorts, whereas I’d barely been on a plane before. Kim was naturally at ease and calm, while I was taking medication to manage my ever-increasing anxiety.
She was the perfect match for my husband.
The final straw was the day that Matt told me that Kim hadn’t been at work, because she had laryngitis.
“She couldn’t call in sick, and no-one knew where she was. So all day, people were asking me, ‘Where’s Kim? Is she OK?’”
“Wait a second,” I asked him. “They asked you? Why didn’t they ask someone else?”
“Well, I guess I’m her closest friend at work.”
I knew why they asked him. It’s because Kim is his work wife, and everyone knew it. And then, Matt said something which angered me even more.
“Kim says hi, by the way. She likes you. She’s always asking after you.”
It’s impossible to compete with someone who is perfect. Someone who is just so sweet and thoughtful that she’ll say hello to me, even though we’ve only met once. And even though I hated her.
I’ve asked Matt to try to distance himself from Kim, but he doesn’t think that there’s anything to worry about. As far as he’s concerned, he and Kim are just friends. But for me, that’s the whole problem. She’s his friend, and a better friend to him than I could ever be.
What do you think? Is it wrong to have a 'work wife' or 'work husband'? 
Emotional infidelity is a type of cheating in my opinion. I think it is a combination of an evolving workplace and too many TV sitcoms glorifying work "friends," but work is work and all coworkers should be held at arms length IMO. Any relationship beyond that is asking for trouble in a personal or professional sense.
I think you may want to re-read everything you wrote and reflect on yourself. He isn't hiding things from you, they both seem to respect eachother and men or women are not strictly to be good friends with the same sex. My husband has mostly female friends and his best friend was a female that he did most of his partying with. I have a work husband and am friends with his wife. We can talk about work things in depth. I can understand that side and diffuse so it isn't brought home. I think there is a deep seeded issue with many people re: relationships. Marriage doesn't mean we own anyone and we need to be comfortable enough with ourselves and comfortable enough with our partners to let them be free to be themselves. It sounds like you are jealous that you aren't the one stop sho
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