Women Watching Men Masturbate In Public

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Women Watching Men Masturbate In Public
Women being masturbated at in public isn't as rare as you might think
From grandmothers to school-age children, and from buses to toy stores, this form of harassment is becoming increasingly prevalent – and it's time to take a stand


Too many women are touched, grabbed and groped without consent
Hundreds of women and girls reported being masturbated at to the Everyday Sexism Project in only two hours. Photograph: Eric A. Nelson/Getty Images/Flickr RF
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"When I was 13, a man sitting across from me on a crowded train took his penis out and fondled it. No one did anything."
There are some experiences that sound so extreme, so shocking, that there is a general consensus they must be very rare indeed. People would like to assume, understandably, that this story is a horrifying anomaly. But when I retweeted one woman's experience of being masturbated at this morning, the response was overwhelming.
A deluge of replies flooded in from women who had experienced the same thing. From grandmothers to girls who were six when it first happened, their reports came from London, Sydney, Frankfurt, Paris, Berlin, Barcelona, Brussels, Las Vegas, New York, San Francisco, Canada, Mexico, Ireland, Ukraine, Peru, and even Vatican City.
Within two hours, over 400 women and girls had come forward with their own experiences of being masturbated at. Many emphasised that these were not isolated incidents.
"Multiple occasions"… "At least once a year" … "Too often to count"
One woman wrote that she had brought up the subject with the women in her office at their morning meeting: "Practically all of us have a story of this happening".
The locations were as varied as the victims – from libraries to buses, courthouses to hotels, parks to toy stores.
Several women listed multiple experiences: "First time was in front of school aged 14, guy opposite watching us and masturbating. The second was on a bus in Italy; guy pressed against me and started rubbing his erection against me. Third time in Richmond Park, he had his trousers down."
Looking at the Everyday Sexism Project database, I realised that in the past two years, 525 women and girls have reported this particular experience. Certain words jump out from the entries, repeated again and again: "frightened"… "horror" … "frozen" … "fear".
A staggeringly high proportion of the entries, both on Twitter and to the Project website , specify that the victim was a child when the first incident occurred. The phrase "I was thirteen" recurs again and again, as do mentions of uniform and walking to school. One tweet read: "I was 11 walking home from school, man following masturbating. Police got involved and I didn't even know the word to explain".
When I spoke to a group of teenage girls at a careers event last year, they used the word "normal" to describe men masturbating on the tube in front of them while they were on their way to school in their school uniform. Girls are growing up in a world where this is such a widespread experience that some don't even see it as something unusual – just part of being a woman.
As with so many forms of gender inequality, harassment and abuse, many women reported that the problem had become so much a part of daily life that they simply modified their own behaviour to try and avoid it. Some described changing their route, or avoiding particular areas. One simply described it as a "hazard of bus travel". Some recalled reporting incidents to the police, but many more said they had never told anyone – out of shame, fear, or the worry that they wouldn't be believed. Some women kept quiet because, when they did try to tell someone what had happened, they were blamed, or asked: "What were you wearing?", as if they had somehow 'provoked' the incident.
The fact that so many victims are so young, and the sense of fear and helplessness they report, point to the important fact that, like rape, this is a crime that is about power and control. This is about men feeling entitled to sexual ownership of women's bodies in public spaces, about a sense that they are powerful and in control and a belief that they will not be punished. It is also about the normalisation of sexual offences within a culture that suggests women should just shut up and get used to it.
In reality though, these incidents are crimes and, if victims or witnesses feel able to do so, should be reported to the police. The British Transport Police launched Project Guardian last year specifically to deal with these kinds of sexual offences on public transport. Now police in the West Midlands are rolling out a similar scheme called Project Empower . Inspector Ricky Twyford, Manager of Project Guardian, stressed to me today that masturbation in public is a criminal offence in the UK. 2000 officers have been specially trained to deal with cases of unwanted sexual behaviour on the London transport network and, according to Twyford, reporting has already risen by 27%.
But while it's important to encourage reporting of these crimes, there's also a wider problem that needs to be addressed. Again and again, victims described witnesses turning away, ignoring the problem and failing to step in and help.
"Nobody said a thing" … "Nobody stopped him" …. "Nobody cares"
Of course it's not always safe to intervene, but in many situations, bystanders choose to look away when they could support a victim and send a clear message to perpetrators that what they're doing isn't acceptable. Every time a perpetrator gets away with masturbating in front of a woman or girl and witnesses turn away, it sends the message that they can get away with it again. Meanwhile, victims are reminded that they shouldn't expect any help, because this is just the way things are. We all have a role to play in standing up, stepping in, and shattering the illusion that this (and the related sexual harassment women all too often face in public spaces) is somehow a 'normal' part of our society.
If you think that being masturbated at is a rare experience, today's torrent of tweets should change your mind. It's time to face up to the prevalence of the problem. It's time to take a stand.
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Breaking taboos one vibrator at a time.
This just in: women masturbate! It's totally normal and healthy! Everyone does it! Yay! So, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about on-screen female masturbation scenes—which are pretty few and far between compared to their male equivalents because for some reason people get super uncomfortable with the idea that women like sex (opens in new tab) . And more specifically, like touching themselves.
Even now, this is considered pretty scandalous—so cheers to films and TV shows like Fleabag , Girls , The Deuce , and Reign for breaking taboos.
The scene: Single mom Bridgette [Shaw, who also created the series] masturbates to photos of her ex's new girlfriend after a hilariously failed attempt to get off with a vibrator earlier in the episode.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: “Part of what I’m drawn to when I’m writing is sort of a fantasy aspect [of women] and the secret life. So, a lot of this is a huge discrepancy between reality and women’s fantasy lives."
The scene: Fans think Sam and Gabe are on again in the season two premiere—until its revealed that their hot and heavy sex scene is actually Sam's fantasy, and that she's in bed alone with a vibrator.
Her comments on it: None, because BFD.
The scene: Aimee Gibbs gets in touch with her own sexuality during her first masturbation experience, trying out lots of positions and techniques to figure out what works for her.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: "It’s just so weird because [in school] you would hear boys talking about, 'Oh, I watched this video last night. I had the best wank, da-da-da-da-da.' They'd be shameless about it at school, and it was all the girls being like, 'I don't know what that is. We don't masturbate.' It was a complete taboo. I think debunking some of those myths about if a boy plugs away, a girl's going to have a great time, but no, girls need to be like, 'No, this is what I want.' So I'm really happy that that's in the show.
The scene: Textbook housewife Betty Draper is at home, doing housewifey chores, when she notices that the washing machine is shaking. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that the vibrating machine is actually totally fine and indulges in a fantasy.
Her comments on it: None, about the washing machine love scene. Jones has talked about Betty's sexuality more broadly, however, recalling (opens in new tab) that Mad Men creator Matt Weiner, "keeps telling me: 'She is a sexual person, she’s not some prude.'" 
The scene: Samantha meets a very hot man of the cloth (Friar F*ck) and, given his vow of celibacy, she has to take care of her urges all on her own.
Her comments on it: None, because BFD.
The scene: Wasikowska's character, India, masturbates in the shower while thinking about her uncle committing murder on her behalf. The scene (like the entire movie) is a twisted exploration of the link between sex and violence—including a rare look at how the two intertwine from a female perspective.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: “If you’re gonna go there, you go there. The anticipation is worse than actually filming it. It’s a closed set, and they’re such specific, small shots, and they yell ‘Action!’ And then after you’re covered right up. So you’re not that exposed, thankfully!"
The scene: Titular character Fleabag is minding her own business masturbating in bed (as ya do)—the catch is her boyfriend's asleep next to her and she's masturbating to Obama videos.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on the scene: "Ah yes, the masturbating-to-Obama bit! That was in the play. Originally, she was looking for something to distract herself from having a bad wank so she turns on the news and, well…I mean, it's Obama, can you blame her?"
The scene: Rooney's character gives herself her first ever orgasm thanks to masturbation. Because you really don't need another person to enjoy yourself, mmmkay?
Her comments (opens in new tab) on the scene: "When they said we’d be doing that scene, I thought 'Yeah I’ll do that. Why not?' How many times have you seen a boy having a wank? All the time! It’s all they talk about! I thought: 'Let’s do it for the girls.'"
The scene: Marnie masturbates in a public bathroom while leaning against the door.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: "A scene like [that] just gets added to the pile and gets smushed in. It's been really interesting being interviewed and being asked about it so much, because I'm like, 'Oh, yeah, well there have been seven episodes since that scene.' I also feel like we are showing these very intimate, private and specific moments in our characters' lives and it just sort of is a part of Marnie's puzzle."
The scene: Lest you forget, Reign is a CW show. And CW shows don't typically show sex, let alone masturbation. But this scene features a royal bedding ceremony with witnesses—one of whom is so turned on that she runs away to masturbate.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: "This is the thing: I don't care about being naked on screen. I don't care about masturbating on screen; I don't care about sex scenes on screen . The aftermath is fine; I don't care who sees it. It's the actual process of filming it that sucks. It's unsexy, it's incredibly technical, it's incredibly boring and also incredibly embarrassing. You're just like writhing around in front of a group of maybe 30 dudes because the set is primarily men…. But the act of a woman actually taking care of herself in that way is incredibly powerful."
The scene: Gyllenhaal's character masturbates after sex thanks to not orgasming during the deed itself. Relatable!
Her comments (opens in new tab) on the scene, and why she *asked* for it to be included: " I thought here’s all this performative sex, all this transactional sex. I wanted to know what her desire looks like. And after we filmed it, he was like, 'Okay. Okay. We’re okay. We have made something feminist. We have.'"
The scene: Beth's roommate finds her masturbating in the bathtub with a shower head. Everything happens off screen, but the hijinks!
Her comments on it: None, because BFD.
The scene: Boo is seen getting off with the end of a screwdriver, because when in jail, you gotta make due.
Her comments on it: "I jumped up and down like a little girl. I was that excited. Because I knew it was going to be something that people will remember. And indeed, it is. The first take, I started laughing because I made the mistake of thinking about what I was doing. That's a huge mistake when acting—you shouldn't think about it. So, the first take was one of the first shots on our gag reel. It was me, starting to masturbate, and howling with laughter. It's just like, 'What am I doing? I'm getting paid to do this.' I can't tell you how many people have asked me to autograph their screwdrivers."
The scene: Glazer performs her "pre-masturbation ritual," which involves a mirror, candles, and a giant vibrator. Treat yourself.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on female sexuality on the show in general: "It's like these girls are horny but not under the male gaze. They're horny, period. Just starting from the vagina, not starting from some man looking at them."
The scene: Adams' very pregnant character masturbates in bed while looking at a photo of her husband.
Her comments on it: While talking about the most difficult scene to film in the movie, Adams said "It's a toss up between the masturbation and the hospital...it was such an intimate and vulnerable moment."
The scene: Allen is seen masturbating in the bathtub as the screen changes from black to color.
Her comments on it: None, because BFD.
The scene: Kate Walsh's character masturbates while sleep walking.
Her comments on it: "We actually shot all of those on the second day of shooting. [Director Courteney Cox] was great; she made me feel super safe."
The scene: Gyllenhaal's character fantasizes about her boss while masturbating.
Her comments on sex in the film: "I love the fact that people wanna talk about sex. I mean, I wanna talk about sex, too."
The scene: Rachel is masturbating to porn with a vibrator in the back of a van.
Her comments on it: "The opening and closing scenes of episode 105 of UnREAL really sparked a conversation. Who knew a women pleasuring herself would be so newsworthy."
The scene: Keough's character, an escort, enjoys watching herself masturbate.
Her comments on it: "We wanted to show things that you don't really see, like the girl getting her period or the girl masturbating… You really feel like you're creeping in on this girl, so it's a bit uncomfortable. It's not like we're showing her masturbate just to have a masturbation scene. It's showing every part of this person and her private moments."
The scene: Her character stands completely naked and masturbates as Michael Sheen's character watches.
Her comments on it: "That was shitty. I could not have been more well protected...crew was as paired down as possible, these are my friends now. I just remember sitting in my trailer feeling for the first time since being on the show that I don't know if I can walk out there. What is it going to take to be able to walk out there and do this."
The scene: Young (10-year-old) Sally Draper has her sexual awakening while watching an episode of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. While the scene does not depict Sally masturbating on screen, it's implied and later confirmed by her mother, Betty's, reaction afterwards.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: "I was very in the world of Sally when we shot that scene. I knew that her mother was really ashamed of what she’d done, and I played off that."
The scene: Issa just casually wants to quench her thirst solo and is frustrated to find that the batteries in her vibrator are dead.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: "In the [writers’] room we were talking about what it feels like to be thirsty and how we don’t really get to see female characters masturbate. Even in a funny way. Especially black women! So we wanted to portray that, while remaining true to our show and showing sexual frustration."
The scene: Adèle touches herself while thinking about Emma.
Her comments (opens in new tab) on it: "The first time we filmed a sex scene, I was just laughing. I was supposed to touch myself and it was supposed to be my fantasy and then when I opened my eyes and saw her we laughed so much. We were embarrassed. And he shoots for such a long time, I was thinking, 'Man, you can stop there!'"
The scene: Hawkins' character, Elisa, slips into the tub while she waits for an egg to boil and casually and quickly brings herself to climax.
Her comments on it: None, but director Guillermo Del Toro did discuss the scene, saying (opens in new tab) , "We are used to either never depicting female sexuality, or depicting it in a glamorized, artificial way. I thought, most of the sexuality in the movie is not glamorized."
Mehera Bonner is a news writer who focuses on celebrities and royals.

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