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Lane Moore
Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician based in New York City.
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When I think of double-sided dildos (which are pretty much what they sound like in that it's a dildo with two heads that can be used by two people on either end to have sex with each other), I think "gag gift" or "why." Not because they're not functional or valid, but because I don't know anyone who has looked at one of them for the first time ever and thought, Oh yes, that would not only be easy to use and would also instantly pleasurable for both parties! Double-sided dildos, as far as I can tell, take a certain Next Level of finesse because you're both in charge of keeping this thing in your vaginas (or butts) and maintaining a rhythm that seems akin to a game of tug of war but with a plastic dong that looks like a larger version of a water snake toy.
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My queer friends have never openly mentioned their love of double dongs in my company but it's totally possible they had never used them or maybe that's just the kind of thing you don't talk about while drinking pinot and watching Girls ? I don't know, so I decided to ask several women directly instead of waiting for the magic moment when they mention them out of the blue because they'd been on their mind a lot lately.
Adira, 43, says she's always been interested in double-sided dildos but felt like they wouldn't be right for her because she found "the products on the market are made for those with more room inside them than I have," due to some issues with her pelvic floor. She said, "Even if I wanted to go for it anyway [with a double-sided dildo], the pain during and afterward wouldn't be worth it. I really enjoy scissoring though and I want to take it to the next level, so I wish someone would start making smaller models!" That seems fair to me since the above photo looks like something you'd get someone as a joke for their 50th birthday.
Cassie, 30, echoed similar sentiments, saying she found them to be "scary" because of a scene she'd seen in Requiem for a Dream that involved a double-sided dildo that haunted her for life. Both reasons could explain why so few of my queer friends had much experience with them, but the women I found who had experience were more than happy to talk.
Here are some of the tips those women were able to give me to help you navigate double-sided dildo fun times with (greater) ease.
1. Start doing kegels, like, yesterday. Suzanne, 32, co-owner of PatsySue.com and dildo connoisseur, says that modern double-sided dildos like the Tantus FeelDoe have ergonomic designs that make it easier to keep inside you, but all double-sided dildo use really benefits from having strong pelvic floor muscles. She recommends kegel eggs for keeping your PC muscles in great shape for DSD action.
2. Size matters! Taylor J. Mace , a sex educator, says to keep the length in mind when shopping for a double-sided dildo. “A longer one reduces the risk of STI transmission (or infection, if you’re using both ends in yourself) as there will be less genital-to-genital contact, fluid passing from one partner to another, or the toy from going from your butt to your vagina. A few extra inches in between can make a big difference!”
3. Think about your dream peen. Mace says that as with any purchase, consider what you’re buying it for before throwing down your money. “Do you want one that looks like it could be your penis? If so, what does your dream dick look like?” Do you want to go with the realistic looking flesh-colored one? Or would your dream peen be glittery and a totally unrealistic neon color?
4. Probably don't use it on a one-night stand because the awkward potential is very real. Cassie says she and her wife have been together for a long time, so they have no problem laughing at sexual awkwardness, such as "if one or both of you is super close and the stupid thing slips out." But that's harder to do with your Tinder date whose name you think is Jan?
5. You don't need to use a harness — and actually it might be better not to use one if you're a beginner. Cassie likes to use a harness because she found the dildo has a tendency to slip out in certain positions, especially if you're going at it really hard (which you always are because it's always hard. Zing!) But Amanda Shea, 25, marketing and media manager for Eve's Garden , says harnesses are totally a personal preference. "Using a DSD without a harness tends to be a better option for those who have less experience with dildos or just want a more intimate experience." That makes sense because few things are more intimate than scissoring with a dong, going back and forth via the power of your pelvic floor only.
6. Definitely, definitely use lube on both ends. Amanda says you want the dildo to be inserted smoothly on both ends, so if you find that challenging, relax and add some more lube.
7. Double-sided dildos are not ideal for standing sex because gravity exists. Amanda says that DSDs definitely work better when you're lying down because it's a lot easier to have the dildo go up and down rather than back and forth. Which makes sense when you think about it because yes, of course the dildo would fall out between your legs. Gravity hates dildo-infused standing sex.
8. Be forewarned: Being on top is definitely more exhausting than topping with a regular strap-on. Cassie says that it takes a lot more energy to top with a DSD because you have to focus not only on pleasing your partner but making sure the dildo stays in place, but she thinks the effort is worth it because "it feels really fucking good."
9. You might want to switch dildo positions during sex because that's just fun. Cassie says she and her wife switch positions in terms of who is the penetration driving force depending on the mood they're in. "Usually one of us will instigate it specifically by saying, 'I want to fuck you,' or, 'I want to be fucked,'" says Cassie. "Most of the time, the other person is game."
10. If you want to change positions, you should clean up real quick. Amanda says switching from active to passive participation is easy, but also recommends washing your dildo and re-lubing both ends before you switch positions to avoid infections.
11. Like all dildos, you need to keep that thing clean and/or use a condom. Victoria, 33, host of the sex podcast Livin' and Lovin' in NYC , recommends using condoms on both sides because it makes cleanup easier and adds lubrication, plus it reduces the risk of STI transmission if you switch sides. The ones she's used, she says, were meant to be boiled or run in "sanitize mode" in the dishwasher, but if you live with roommates, boiling can be awkward, especially if you forgot to do it before and have to ask your sex partner to hold on a second while you go boil your dildo.
12. You can masturbate with a double-sided dildo and it is awesome. Suzanne says a lot of people love DSDs because you don't have to reach as far to hold onto the dildo, making it like having a perfectly angled handle and much less chance of getting a hand cramp if you're really getting up in that.
13. You might be shocked by how awesome it feels (cool problem to have, I know). Cassie says she couldn't believe how great having sex with a double-sided dildo was and that she "felt like a 14-year-old boy blowing his load after a few thrusts" because she came so quickly. If you're not psyched to try it now, I don't know what else I need to say.
14. Don’t be afraid to get handsy! Dr. Carol Queen , sex educator and resident sexpert at Good Vibrations, says if you’re using a double-sided dildo with a bulb that stays inside one partner, deciding who will do the moving might take some getting used to. “Thrusting towards each other might work,” she explains. But also, don’t be afraid to grab it in the middle and add some motion and stability that way.
15. Not all double-sided dildos are the same. Coco Cameron, sex expert at Lovehoney , says within the umbrella category of double-sided dildos, there are different types. For solo play, you can try the Lovehoney Mini Double Penetration dildo, which has one slightly smaller end for anal play. For couples, Coco recommends the Hoodlum Double Dildo , which has a beginner-friendly shape and size.
16. Add vibration! Lisa, Sex Educator at Babeland , says this way “Even if there’s some slippage or re-positioning needed, the constant buzz will keep the good sensations going.” Lisa recommends the Fun Factory Sharevibe , which is specially designed to hit all the right places inside the vagina, with extra ridge to hit the wearer’s clitoris. Or, you can upgrade any non-vibrating double-sided dildo by slipping a vibrating penis ring over one or both ends!
17. Check in with each other. Like with all sex things, communication is always a good idea. Lisa says “Using a double-ended toy requires some finesse and taking the guesswork out by communicating with your partner is a great way to expedite the process. Things may be feeling great for one partner, while the other’s foot is falling asleep because of the wild position the toy has thrust you both into.” Some awkward fumbling around is bound to happen, but if you communicate with your partner, you both might end up having a really good time.
Follow Lane on Twitter and Instagram .
Additional reporting by Carina Hsieh
This post was originally published in March 2016 and has been updated.
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