Women Not Interested In Sex

Women Not Interested In Sex

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From low libido to painful sex, help is available

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According to Hollywood rom-coms, you should want to get hot and heavy with your partner every chance you get. But for some women, sex isn’t all that.

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There are many reasons you might not be into it, says women’s health specialist Pelin Batur, MD . Intercourse might hurt. You might have trouble reaching a climax. Or your libido might be taking an extended slumber.
Whatever the reason, you don’t have to grin and bear it. “Your sexual health is important, and you should know you have options,” Dr. Batur says.
Sex drives exist on a spectrum from “More, please,” to “Meh.” And your own sex drive is likely to cycle up and down, depending on factors like hormones, stress, relationship issues, and whether you’re dating someone new or climbing into bed with your partner of 20 years.
“Sex drives have a gas pedal and a brake pedal, and the speed is going to vary throughout your life,” Dr. Batur says.
If you’re happy with the quality and quantity of your sex life, stop right there. You don’t need to get more action unless you want to. But if you want to? Here are some common problems that might be holding you back.
Stress can do a number on your libido, Dr. Batur says. If you’re being pulled in a million directions — or if a global pandemic has cranked your stress level to 10 — it’s no wonder a roll in the sheets isn’t at the top of your to-do list.
“Ask yourself how vacation sex would be,” she says. “If your sex life is great on vacation, then it’s probably stress, rather than a medical problem.” Finding ways to de-stress can help your sex life bounce back.
“Pain during sex is like a flashing neon sign telling you something’s wrong,” Dr. Batur says. Common causes of painful sex include:
“Underlying anxiety or depression can get in the way of your sex drive,” Dr. Batur notes. Issues such as relationship troubles or a history of sexual trauma can also affect your interest in physical intimacy.
In such cases, a mental health professional can help you work through the underlying difficulties.
Sometimes, a sluggish sex drive is a matter of mindset. “A lot of women have what’s known as responsive desire — you might not be that interested in initiating sex, but once you get into it, you realize, ‘Hey, this is fun,’” Dr. Batur says. “Sometimes, you just need to go with the flow and let your brain catch up.”
But sometimes, it’s not enough to fake it till you make it. Some women have a low sex drive in the absence of any other underlying problem. This is called hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). Another term that’s used is female sexual interest/arousal disorder. Your doctor can prescribe medications that can help put you in the mood.
If sex just doesn’t feel great, start with a refresher course in sex ed, Dr. Batur explains. “Lots of women think they should be able to climax with intercourse, but many — maybe even most — women need external stimulation to reach orgasm.”
Try shaking things up or adding some toys to your routine. Dr. Batur explains, “Lots of women bring vibrators into the bedroom. There’s no shame in that game.”
If that doesn’t work, there are treatments to help increase arousal, including prescription medications, hormones, and topical oils and creams.
Low libido, arousal problems and painful sex are all-too-common problems. It might feel awkward to bring it up with your doctor, but she won’t even flinch, Dr. Batur says. “It may be a sensitive subject for you, but your Ob/Gyn or women’s health specialist has probably talked to four other women about it just this morning,” she adds.
Don’t expect to solve the problem in a few minutes during your annual exam, though. You might need to schedule a dedicated appointment to discuss your sexual health history and figure out the problem. Depending on the issue, your doctor may refer you to a specialist. But any initial awkwardness will be worth the effort, Dr. Batur says. “Sex is an important part of your life, and you deserve good sexual health.”

Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit academic medical center. Advertising on our site helps support our mission. We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Policy

Don’t enjoy sex? It’s more common than Hollywood rom-coms would have you believe. But help is available to boost your sexual health and happiness.

Medically Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD
Living with libido loco? For a growing number of women, declining hormones, job stress, relationship issues, menopause, and other problems are taking their toll in the bedroom.
Loss of sexual desire, known in medical terms as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is the most common form of sexual dysfunction among women of all ages. A recent study showed that nearly one-third of women aged 18 to 59 suffer from a lost interest in sex, and it's not all in their heads.
Unlike men's main sexual complaint, erectile dysfunction, women's biggest sexual problem is caused by a combination of both mental and physical factors, which aren't likely to be cured by merely popping a pill.
"Women's sexuality tends to be multifaceted and fairly complicated," says sex psychologist Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD. "Although we would love to simplify it so we could have the one-two or even a one-punch treatment, it doesn't tend to work that way."
But the introduction of anti-impotence treatments in the last few years has spurred more research into the causes of sexual dysfunction among both men and women, and effective therapies are available to help put the lust back into women's lives.
Contrary to popular belief, experts say frequency of sexual intercourse has nothing to do with sexual desire or satisfaction.
"One of first things I do in speaking to women who come in with sexual concerns is let them know that there is no normal frequency or set of behaviors and things change with time," says Jan Shifren, MD, an assistant professor at Harvard Medical School. "If it's working for them and/or their partner, there is no problem."
But when a woman experiences a significant decrease in interest in sex that is having an effect on their life and is causing distress, then it's considered a problem of low sexual desire or HSDD.
Kingsberg says that sexual desire is more than just an issue of low libido or sex drive . She says sexual drive is the biological component of desire, which is reflected as spontaneous sexual interest including sexual thoughts, erotic fantasies, and daydreams.
Kingsberg, who is an associate professor of reproductive biology at the Case Western Reserve School of Medicine says, "It's about your body signaling that it wants to be sexual. Whether or not there is any intention to act on it, we all have a certain level of drive."
That sexual drive declines naturally with age based on physiological factors. But sexual desire also encompasses interpersonal and psychological factors that create a willingness to be sexual.
"Above and beyond horniness, it is the sense of intimacy in the relationship," says Kingsberg. "If you are mad at your spouse, you could be horny but you're not going want to be sexual with that particular person."
Therefore, all of these aspects of sexual desire must be examined in order to determine the root of the problem.
Common causes for a loss of sexual desire and drive in women include:
Because a loss of sexual desire in women is caused by a combination of physical and psychological factors, it usually requires more than one treatment approach to fix the problem.
"For women, it is much more complex. They're not just complaining of one plumbing problem, says Shifren. "So we have to be more thoughtful in our approaches to treatment."
Once the factors causing low sexual desire have been determined, potential treatment options may include:
In addition, several therapies involving testosterone pills or skin patches specifically designed to treat female sexual problems are currently being studied in hopes of FDA approval in the near future.
For example, Shrifen is involved in research using a testosterone skin patch to treat low sexual desire in women. Initial studies have shown that the patch significantly improved both sexual desire and satisfaction compared with placebo among postmenopausal women who had their ovaries removed.
She says a phase III clinical trial of the testosterone patch involving several thousand women worldwide is currently wrapping up, and results should be published soon. For the first time, this study looks at the effect of the testosterone patches in naturally menopausal women as well as those who have undergone surgical or early menopause caused by chemotherapy or removal of their ovaries.
When evaluating treatments for sexual problems, experts say it's important to recognize that there is an especially large placebo effect, which is based upon the user's expectations of the treatment. That's why drugs must be tested against a placebo (sugar pill) in order to scientifically measure their effect.
It also helps explain why many supplements claim to be effective in treating sexual problems, such as low sexual desire. Because expectations play such a large role in sexual desire, over-the-counter products may claim that they're effective, but it's likely just a placebo effect.
"It's really important for women to realize that any of the over-the-counter products they may use have not been tested for efficacy and safety," says Shifren.
Phyllis Greenberger, MSW, president of the Society for Women's Health Research says more women report sexual problems than men, but research and treatment for women's sexual problems still lags behind.
"For example, from 1990 to 1999, nearly 5,000 studies were published on male sexual function, but there were only 2,000 women's studies," says Greenberger.
But experts say research into women's sexual function is slowly catching up in the post-Viagra era.
"This is one of first times we've seen really high quality studies for sexual dysfunction in women," Shifren tells WebMD. She says that until recently, the only studies on women's sexual issues were very small, often short-term, and rarely well designed.
"I think it's very exciting, not only that we're hoping to have more products available for women, but that the studies are going on and they are well-designed studies," says Shifren. "It's really a good thing."
SOURCES: Sheryl Kingsberg, PhD, clinical psychologist;
associate professor of reproductive biology, Case Western Reserve School of
Medicine; head, American Society for Reproductive Medicine's Sexuality Special
Interest Group. Jan L. Shifren, MD, assistant professor, obstetrics,
gynecology, and reproductive biology, Harvard Medical School; director,
menopause program, Vincent-Ob/Gyn Service, Massachusetts General Hospital.
Phyllis Greenberger, MSW, president, Society for Women's Health Research. FDA.
WebMD Medical News: "Testosterone Increases Libido in Women." WebMD
Medical News:"Helping Women Get In the Mood" WebMD Medical News:
"Hormones Can Help Some Love Lives -- but Can They Hurt
Too?"
Here's how to avoid the most common mistakes.
What do you know about locking lips?
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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Is it so amazing that we don't love giving you orgasms all the time when we don't necessarily get them in return? Come on, dudes!
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What I didn't get around to saying is that I have a hypothesis about why:
Because men either aren't attuned enough to women's sexual pleasure, or else they get lazy about making sure it will happen — and it's a lot easier to be interested in sex when you're getting off 100 percent of the time that you have it.
It's much less easy when you're getting off only a fraction of that time.
Dudes of America, if I may ask for your attention, please realize that while it may be nearly automatic for you to enjoy the act of man-on-woman sexual intercourse — for you to enjoy jabbing your phallus into the most sensitive female body part, again and again and again, often disrupting one's stomach, full of one's evening meal (not to mention a few other vital organs involved in digestion) — it's not always so straight-forward for women. Think about it, hombres: We allow you to poke that tuberous body part of yours repeatedly into a place where it barely fits, while you crush us from the waist-down with your greater body weight, and often tear at our hair — or simply pin it down under your forearms so that we can't move our heads without disrupting the whole firecracker that we are praying will explode now in the hopes we can get to sleep that much sooner! — and you are often biting us in the process. Plus, you guys pretty much always experience the bliss of orgasm, whereas we have no guarantee that we'll enjoy such nirvana.
So is it really that surprising we don't always love it?
I mean, many of you hetero guys define sex as: "Any act which results in the getting off of the male." I personally, as a woman, would prefer it if your definition was more like: ""An interaction which results in the getting off of the male — and the female."
Of course, the female orgasm is a relatively complicated matter, compared to male ejaculation. Often, both partners needs to put in some time, and to have patience and dexterity if a lady is to achieve climax. I do think an adult woman should know how to orgasm, on her own, and if she's never had the experience, she shouldn't put the pressure on you, the man, to provide it. She should get herself a vibrator (opens in new tab) and figure it out. But once she's done that bit of homework, it's up to both of you to make sure she enjoys orgasmic pleasure on a regular basis —if you want to keep her around, and keep her interested in the shagging.
So, maybe, guys, just maybe, if you feel your sex life is flagging, you should put a little more effort into pleasing your lady! Just saying.
(Mens and womens: Do you think I'm onto something here?)
And I know, I know: You males are gonna say we females should tell you what we want — otherwise, how are you to know? And fair enough. It's just that it can be kind of annoying to feel you have to ask every time, or remind a person, or have a discussion about it. So can you meet us halfway, please?

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Is it so amazing that we don't love giving you orgasms all the time when we don't necessarily get them in return? Come on, dudes!
Celebrity news, beauty, fashion advice, and fascinating features, delivered straight to your inbox!
Thank you for signing up to . You will receive a verification email shortly.
There was a problem. Please refresh the page and try again.
What I didn't get around to saying is that I have a hypothesis about why:
Because men either aren't attuned enough to women's sexual pleasure, or else they get lazy about making sure it will happen — and it's a lot easier to be interested in sex when you're getting off 100 percent of the time that you have it.
It's much less easy when you're getting off only a fraction of that time.
Dudes of America, if I may ask for your attention, please realize that while it may be nearly automatic for you to enjoy the act of man-on-woman sexual intercourse — for you to enjoy jabbing your phallus into the most sensitive female body part, again and again and again, often disrupting one's stomach, full of one's evening meal (not to mention a few other vital organs involved in digestion) — it's not always so straight-forward for women. Think about it, hombres: We allow you to poke that tuberous body part of yours repeatedly into a place where it barely fits, while you crush us from the waist-down with your greater body weight, and often tear at our hair — or simply pin it down under your forearms so that we can't move our heads without disrupting the whole firecracker that we are praying will explode now in the hopes we can get to sleep that much sooner! — and you are often biting us in the process. Plus, you guys pretty much always experience the bliss of orgasm, whereas we have no guarantee that we'll enjoy such nirvana.
So is it really that surprising we don't always love it?
I mean, many of you hetero guys define sex as: "Any act which results in the getting off of the male." I personally, as a woman, would prefer it if your definition was more like: ""An interaction which results in the getting off of the male — and the female."
Of course, the female orgasm is a relatively complicated matter, compared to male ejaculation. Often, both partners needs to put in some time, and to have patience and dexterity if a lady is to achieve climax. I do think an adult woman should know how to orgasm, on her own, and if she's never had the experience, she shouldn't put the pressure on you, the man, to provide it. She should get herself a vibrator (opens in new tab) and figure it out. But once she's done that bit of homework, it's up to both of you to make sure she enjoys orgasmic pleasure on a regular basis —if you want to keep h
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