Women Masturbate
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Women Masturbate
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Gigi Engle
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator.
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“The clit, the clit, the clit, the clit!"
Seriously, why is there no female version of the masturbation scene in American Pie ? That minute of cinematic magic normalized the bizarre masturbation habits of guys everywhere. Now, it's time for ladies to embrace that same desire to get freaky however they please.
There are so many ways to explore the inner (and outer) workings of your bod—from trying new masturbation moves , to exploring different vibrator settings, or experimenting with sex toys.
Need some inspo for where to explore next—and how? These 10 women are sharing their favorite techniques:
“The clit, the clit, the clit, the clit! If you don’t know where it is, you better find it! Just get in touch with that thing and BOOM. Your life will be changed forever.” —Jessica, 26
“I like to put a blanket or t-shirt between my vagina and my vibrator. It deadens the feelings a little bit in a way that feels like another person is touching me. I do this while watching some seriously raunchy porn. I won’t get into the kind of porn because…awkward! But it works!” —Malia*, 24
“I'm in a long-distance relationship, and we see each other about once a month for a long weekend. Since we can't be together as often as we'd like, phone sex and masturbation obviously happen a lot. A couple of things that help both of us:
“One: We have a shared, private Dropbox folder where we upload sexy pics and videos. Watching him get himself off is very arousing, and it gives me clues about what he likes, for the next time we're together.
“Two: We intentionally leave clothing (pajamas, underwear...) at each other's homes. Smelling him on one of his t-shirts definitely gets me in the mood, if I'm not already.” —Frankie*, 36
“Find a vibrator that works for you and marry it. I went through a bunch of sex toys before I found a vibrator that does it for me every time. The thought of not having it or it breaking gives me serious anxiety. No thanks!” —Hannah, 29
“I really enjoy my favorite clit-vibe. It’s a small toy, but it is powerful! I just stick it right on my clit. I can have an orgasm in a few minutes flat. It’s the best way to relax ever. It’s better than sex.” —Britney, 29
“I need penetration to orgasm. I always have. So, sometimes masturbating is hard. Or, I guess it WAS hard for many years. All my friends thought I was weird for not just ‘rubbing one out.’
“I’ve finally got it down and I’m hoping other women will appreciate this info. I use a suction dildo, one of those dildos that can stick to a wall or floor or wherever—but I put it on a chair. That way I can lower myself onto it, cowgirl-style. I then use my hand to get my clitoris in on it, too. It works great for me!” —Michelle, 32
“I like to come down from the top of the clitoris. If I put anything right on it (even during sex), it’s kind of a bit too much, you know? If I approach the clitoris sort of from a downward angle with a vibrator, it gives me all the pressure I need to come, but without making it so over the top that I can’t get there. I also like experimenting with different kinds of vibrators and really take my time with it." —Angie, 36
“I don’t know if this is cheesy, but I set a whole mood for myself. I light candles, have a special playlist, and take a long hot bath. I guess I’d say it’s seducing myself. If I want to enjoy masturbation, it needs to be a complete experience or I don’t like it as much. It’s especially great when I’m in a bad mood or have had a really stressful day. I remind myself that I’m sexy and it feels really good.” —Julia, 28
“My girlfriend and I usually masturbate together, which is hot. It’s sexy to see her touch herself and it definitely turns her on to watch me. We sometimes watch porn, but mostly it’s just the two of us. I even think about the times we’ve gotten off solo-but-together when we’re having partner sex sometimes. It’s just so hot and weirdly voyeuristic.” —Janis*, 30
“To be honest, my best technique for masturbation is just doing it a lot. The more you masturbate, the better it gets. At least, for me. I try to keep it consistent as much as possible. I’ll be lying in bed and think, ‘Oh, I haven’t masturbated in a few days!’ So, I grab my vibe and go for it. If I go more than a week or so without using my vibrator, I find it harder to get off next time I get around to it.” —Lily*, 29
Gigi Engle is a sex educator and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.
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You won’t believe some of the things she uses to get off
When Trevor (not his real name) came home a little early from a night out with the guys, he expected to climb into bed with his girlfriend. But instead, he was faced with what he described as “a clitoral exorcism” with a stuffed teddy bear.
“I walked into the bedroom and AC/DC's ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ was blasting; it was dark, there were candles and a wine glass, and she was humping this teddy bear so fast and furious to the music with this really intense, scary look on her face like she was possessed.”
He continues: “I kind of wanted to laugh, but I was more freaked out. The teddy bear thing made me wonder if there was something in her childhood that went wrong.”
It might surprise you to know that nothing in this “freaky” scene is really out of the norm.
“Often times, the first thing a woman uses as a little girl to masturbate with is something she'll continue to use into adulthood,” says Moushumi Ghose, a licensed marriage and family therapist. “Her masturbation practices have been with her longer than her sexual practice with men.”
Since the typical girl didn’t have access to sex toys as a kid, Ghose says, she probably “used stuffed animals, furniture, and an electric toothbrush. It doesn't make her a freak, nor is it a sign of sexual abuse. It really is more common than most think.”
That said, going fast and furious with a teddy bear to heavy metal music is the least of the oddities when it comes to the habits around female masturbation .
Most have heard about women using vegetables in lieu of a dildo, sitting on a washing machine for the good vibrations, or using the showerhead for clitoral stimulation. Well, it goes way beyond that.
In an informal survey of female masturbation habits conducted by the HealthyStrokes.com website—which bills itself as “a site about masturbation and you!”—some of the most frequently mentioned masturbatory objects, aside from dildos and vibrators, are candles, cucumbers, carrots, bananas, hairbrush handles, bottle tops, pencils, and markers.
Less frequently mentioned—but still cited enough to make the survey—were icicles, teddy bears, wood sticks, hammers, and electric toothbrushes.
“It's simple—women need to rub it on something. Women masturbate with weirder things than men,” says Ghose.
That’s true for an 18-year-old Hispanic bi-sexual woman in the Healthy Strokes survey, who stated: “Will hump anything.”
(There are so many complicated, awesome things about her sexuality, and you need to start taking notes. Find out What Actually Happens During a Female Orgasm .)
Chris Donaghue, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture , advises men not to overreact to the discovery that their partners have... let's say, eccentric tastes in self-pleasure.
“Women's sexuality is far more complex than men’s,” he says. “And because of this, women have worked to find diverse and creative ways to get themselves off. Use it as inspiration to push the boundaries of partnered sex.”
Before you worry that you need join in on something that's not quite up your sexual alley, consider this: “How she masturbates usually looks very different from what sex with you looks like—99% of the time. This is her private practice, and it doesn't mean you have to bring a teddy bear to bed,” says Ghose.
Some of Ghose's male clients are also threatened if their partner masturbates a lot, fearing that they may not be fulfilling their partner's needs. But, in the first annual Masturbation Report—a survey of 600 U.S. women, to be released next Monday by sex toy company We-Vibe—3 in 4 women claimed that they were just as likely to masturbate while in a relationship as they would if they were single. And 59% stated that there is no difference in the frequency in of their masturbation, regardless of their relationship status.
As for Trevor’s girlfriend—whose masturbation included a night of music, wine, and candles—this elaborate scene is also a common way that women masturbate. The We-Vibe survey revealed that women were two times more likely than men to listen to music as part of a general routine when masturbating.
“We like to set the atmosphere, infuse candles, music, sex toys, and different hand movements,” says sexologist Emily Morse, Ph.D., the host of the Sex With Emily podcast who will be teaching “The Master Masturbation Workshop” on May 15th at Hustler Hollywood in Los Angeles.
Another surprising result from the We-Vibe survey: a car was the third most popular destination for masturbation. 19% of women (and 20% of men) claimd that the car was the most unusual place they’ve masturbated.
(Just make sure the car isn't in motion when you’re doing it. Here’s evidence of why you should Never Jerk and Drive .)
Since there is no “normal”—but a hell of a lot of left-of-center behaviors—when it comes to sex and masturbation, Dr. Morse advises men to avoid passing judgment. Instead, join in. 39% of women in the We-Vibe survey reported that they have masturbated in front of their significant other.
“Mutual masturbation is a great way for partners to show each other the moves that take them over the edge,” she says. “You can even join in by placing your hand over hers, so you can see the exact pressure, speed, and rhythm.”
To that end, The Healthy Strokes survey says that the average woman took only 10 minutes to achieve orgasm through self-pleasure. How often have you given a woman the Big O in just 10 minutes?
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