Women Like Oral Sex
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Women Like Oral Sex
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Women now enjoy receiving oral sex more than any other type of sexual activity, research suggests.
Going down, so it seems, is on the rise and rise.
Women now enjoy receiving oral sex more than any other type of sexual activity, research suggests. This is because cunnilingus has become a mainstream sexual activity, reflecting a change in the tide of sexual behaviour.
A recent survey shows that the act is fast becoming as common as fellatio, as oral sex is now extremely popular among teenagers and young adults (Bay-Cheng & Fava, 2010 in psychworld.com).
The sexual activity is becoming increasingly common for young women and is a fundamental part of the 21st Century sexual revolution, University of Alberta researcher Brea Malacad (www.unicell.inc) said about a recent study she conducted into oral sex trends.
All the women in her study of 18-25 year olds who'd had sex also had oral sex, she found. Most women who had oral sex did so because they enjoyed it. And almost a third said they enjoyed giving fellatio because it made them feel powerful and empowered.
Surveys also show that many young people are not aware that they can pick up a wide range of sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV, the herpes simplex virus, human papillomavirus (HPV), hepatitis B, gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia through unprotected oral sex (advocatesforyouth.org). Barriers such as dental dams, femidoms and condoms are absolutely required for safer sex.
Not surprisingly, it's more popular among women with good sexual self-esteem. Researchers have found that women who view their genitals positively have more sex and enjoy it more than others. In contrast, those who view their genitals negatively get less pleasure out of cunnilingus (Reinholtz & Muehlenhard, 1995, psychworld.com).
Women who have greater sexual openness, self-awareness, and assertiveness tend to experience cunnilingus earlier and have more cunnilingus partners (Bay-Cheng & Fava, 2010, psychworld.com).
Plainly put, it gets the job done. Around 70 percent of women can only orgasm if their clitoris is stimulated directly with lips, tongue, fingers or items such as vibrators, while a minority (about 30 percent) of women can climax through vaginal intercourse. It's a controversial point but most sexologists believe the clit is the source of all female orgasms. However, women can climax through vaginal intercourse if their clitoris is also stimulated due to the position chosen (The Grind is one of the best known positions for this).
Oral sex is more of a sure bet, though. And the tongue is a favourite because it is soft and warm, and because saliva is a natural lubricant that prevents 'burn' from dry stimulation. It goes without saying that the more aroused a woman is from foreplay, the easier it is for her to orgasm in oral play as the genital area becomes increasingly engorged with blood the more she's turned on.
Oral provides greater orgasmic opportunity
To reach an orgasm, women need ongoing, steady stimulation which means that the giver needs to be patient and not rush. In vaginal intercourse, guys typically orgasm more quickly from the stimulation this provides the penis - and women usually need to be stimulated for a longer period than their partners are able to last.
In cunnilingus, it's more likely that the giver will provide the right kind of stimulation as there are no distractions to curtail the event - such as his own impending orgasm. The giver is also able to stimulate different spots simultaneously using hands and mouth; multiple stimulation is more likely to take a woman past the point of no return. And if his tongue tires, his fingers or a vibrator can easily keep up the pleasure strokes.
Yet even if a woman doesn't climax from oral play, if she's close she may find that vaginal intercourse provides the final push over the edge - especially in a sex position that massages the G-spot or provides dual vaginal/clitoral stimulation.
As awareness of women's sexual response grows, especially that stimulating the clitoris is the singularly most important route to female orgasms, pleasuring a woman orally is increasingly likely to take centre stage.
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Generations ago, oral sex was considered taboo. Now it's a pretty mainstream type of sexual activity for all kinds of couples. How common is it? One 2020 survey found that on average, people perform oral sex 5.3 times each month, and they receive oral sex 5.2 times per month. Oral sex has benefits that go beyond physical pleasure: Research from 2018 suggests that couples who engaged in oral sex were more satisfied with the quality of their relationship than those who did not.
Still, not everyone understands the full range of what oral sex is, how it's done, and the variety of positions that can make it more exciting and novel. Here's everything you need to know.
Basically, oral sex is when you stimulate your partner's genitals with your mouth, lips, or tongue, or they stimulate your genitals using these body parts. This might involve fellatio (sucking or licking the penis), cunnilingus (sucking or licking the vagina, vulva, or clitoris, or anilingus (sucking or licking the anus).
Oral sex is often thought of as foreplay, meaning it happens before penetration with a penis or sex toy. It might also occur after intercourse, or it could replace intercourse entirely. Everyone has their own preferences, and there are no rules, provided both parties consent to the activity.
Just because oral sex doesn't lead to pregnancy doesn't mean it's not sex. Like other kinds of sex, oral sex can feel super pleasurable; a Canadian study found that 69% of women described being on the receiving end as "very pleasurable." Oral sex can keep couples feeling emotionally connected, and it can result in an orgasm (or multiple orgasms). It's not a lesser form of sex just because it's not penis-in-vagina sex. Some couples exclusively have oral sex, while others do it only occasionally or never. It's all up to your own personal preference.
While oral sex can offer deep physical and emotional pleasure, it also has one of the same dangers as intercourse. Oral sex can spread sexually transmitted infections (STIs) , including chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and HPV. "Many people are surprised to learn how dangerous it can be to have oral sex when it comes to STIs," Sherry A. Ross , MD, ob-gyn and women's health expert in Santa Monica, California and author of she-ology and she-ology. the she-quel , tells Health .
Whether you're the giver or receiver of oral sex, you can contract and/or spread STIs. An HPV infection of the throat can even lead to throat cancer, the same way HPV can lead to cervical cancer. To protect yourself, make sure you and your partner are STI-tested; if you're not sure about your partner's status, experts advise using condoms or a dental dam, which is a thin piece of latex that covers the vulva.
There's no one way to have oral sex, but a good place to start is by asking your partner for their consent to kiss, lick, nibble, or stroke their genitals with your mouth, lips, or tongue. If you get the go-ahead, start slowly and experiment with different moves, such as soft kisses or firmer tongue swirls.
Pay attention to their response. If your partner is becoming more aroused and doesn't ask you to stop, keep going. If you get the sense that a move you're doing isn't having the desired effect, switch it up and try something else. As long as it feels good to give and receive, you're doing it right.
Great sex is all about communication, and that goes for oral sex as well. So don't hesitate to ask your partner what they like and what you can do to make them feel good. "This is especially helpful with a new partner," SKYN sex and intimacy expert, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author Gigi Engle tells Health . "Something that worked with one woman may not work with another. The vulva is as unique as a snowflake and no two are the same." Same goes with the penis.
What exactly should you ask? Here's a few questions to throw out: Does she like internal stimulation while she receives oral sex? Does she enjoy having her labia licked? Is her vaginal opening particularly sensitive? "Being able to communicate with your partner is extremely hot," Engle says. "She'll appreciate that you care enough to find out what brings her pleasure." This tip works for sexual partners of all genders, of course.
There are as many positions for oral sex as there are for intercourse (more on these later). But often the most comfortable way to do it is for the receiver to lie back with their legs open either a little bit or all the way, and for the giver to sit or stretch out over them.
Propping a pillow or two under your partner's hips can give you better access to their genitals, though not everyone enjoys this because it makes them feel more exposed. Oral sex can also be performed from behind, with the receiver in the doggie style position. Another popular oral sex style is 69 : when both partners lie down so their bodies form a 69 shape and they can give and receive oral sex simultaneously.
"Let's be honest, the taste of a penis is not exactly like chocolate cake," says Engle. If you're not into your partner's taste or want to taste something more fun, flavored lube is the way to go. "Adding a little tasty lubricant changes the whole game," she says.
Problem is, a lot of flavored lubes are too sweet, too minty, or taste too much like cough syrup. So experiment with different flavors to find one you like. However, it's important to remember that flavored lube is not necessarily good for vaginas, since many are made with artificial ingredients and sugar. This means if you use it on a penis, be sure to rinse it off thoroughly before having penetrative sex.
Testicles can be very sexually sensitive, so to get them in on the oral action, a vibrator is your best sex accessory. "Sex toys aren't just for clit stimulation," Engle explains. Grab a vibrator and hold it in your hand to massage the balls. You can also press a vibe into the perineum, the patch of skin between the balls and anus or anus and vagina, which is a nerve-rich pleasure center. "Sex toys up the sense of eroticism during oral sex; it can be extremely intense—in a good way," she adds. Just make sure to ask your partner if they like what you're doing.
A study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that 37% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Another 36% said that clitoral stimulation isn't necessary to have an orgasm, but it makes the experience better.
Still, for many women, direct clitoral stimulation can be too intense, especially at the onset of oral sex. Engle suggests touching it through the clitoral hood; another idea is to perform oral sex with a thin piece of fabric, like underwear, between your tongue and your partner's body. "This will provide just the right amount of pleasure without causing discomfort," she says. Another trick is to blow gently on her clitoris before making contact with your tongue, which can increase arousal.
If your female partner enjoys internal stimulation during oral sex, use your finger or a vibrator to play with her G-spot while kissing, licking, or sucking the vulva. How do you know when you've found the G-spot? Work your finger an inch or two inside the vagina along the front wall, and feel around for an area that can be slightly spongier than the rest of the vagina. "When stimulated, you're accessing the root of the clitoris, the back end that you can't see externally," says Engle.
Press around the area to offer pressure-based stimulation, or move your fingers in a grounded, circular motion. "Don't forget to pay attention," Engle says. "G-spot stimulation isn't every woman's cup of tea. Experimenting is great, but be willing to learn and hone your skills with each new partner."
Face-sitting is an oral sex position that has the receiver sitting on or straddling the giver's face. The close contact makes this a very intimate position, and it's not something everyone is comfortable with. But it allows for deeper access to your partner's vulva and vagina, and in heterosexual relationships, it's typically female dominant, putting the woman in control.
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We asked women to tell us the most common mistakes guys make during cunnilingus
Oral sex can be tricky: some men may think they have all the right moves, when in fact they're doing it all wrong. While most research indicates that clitoral stimulation is key for women to reach orgasm, that doesn't mean that men should only spend a few seconds down there and expect their partners to be satisfied. Making a woman come takes time and effort, and the only thing worse than being bad at oral sex is not trying to please your partner at all.
To figure out some of the most common mistakes men make during oral sex, we spoke to six different women to get their takes. The next time you head down south, keep these tips in mind, so you can turn that “'Oh, no” into an “'Oh, yes."
Let’s be honest — sometimes, it can take a long time to find a woman’s clit. That said, knowledge is power, and being familiar with the female anatomy will only aid your cause. Unfortunately, this is all too rare: according to C osmopolitan 's Female Orgasm Survey , 50% of women said their partners couldn't quite help them achieve orgasm, and 38% of women also said their partners didn’t give them enough clitoral stimulation for them to be close to orgasm in the first place.
These numbers seem to suggest two things: 1) men can't quite figure out where the clitoris is, and 2) they may not be trying to stimulate their partners’ clitorises at all.
“There have been multiple times I have been with a man, and, for the life of him, he can’t find my clit," said Allison, 29. "It’s not this huge mystery where it is, but for some guys it seems like they are just lost in my vagina.”
So guys, just take a second and look! By looking first, you’ll be able to see the labia, the folds of skin around the vaginal opening, and, yes, the pea-sized bump directly above where the lips meet, a.k.a. the tip of the clitoris (the rest of it is actually inside!). While not every woman achieves orgasm from clitoral stimulation , many do (75 percent, according to one study), so getting to know your partner's anatomy is crucial.
Yes, it is possible for you to literally rub a woman the wrong way, so it's up to you to figure out what works best for your partner. The clitoris is a very sensitive area, and when it’s stroked too hard, it can actually be incredibly painful.
“One time a guy rubbed my clit with such vigor and rapidness, I was like, ‘Um, no thanks, that’s OK, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but that actually hurts. Please stop,'" said Katie, 35.
It’s great to be excited, and it's awesome that you want to get your partner excited too, but remember to be careful. To avoid irritating your partner, try to engage all sides of the clitoris — inside, outside, and side to side. (For more tips, check out our ultimate guide to oral sex .) Use a combination of both your hands and your mouth. By lightly flicking your tongue lightly around your partner’s clit, as well as inserting a few fingers in her vagina and moving them in a come hither motion at the same time, you can really get your partner going.
Sometimes, it takes a little bit of courage to speak up and tell your partner what is and isn't working for you in bed. That's why it's so important to remember that communication is key, both inside and outside of the bedroom.
It’s important to be up front about your needs and to feel comfortable enough with your partner to talk about what you do and don't like in the bedroom. And it's important to make sure your partner is feeling heard as well. “I hooked up with someone a while back, and over the course of him going down on me, he didn’t once ask me how it felt or if I was enjoying myself," Jessica, 25, said. "The whole experience made me feel like he just didn’t really care.”
A good way to avoid this? Checking in and asking, “Hey, how does this feel?” or “Is this working for you?” It lets your partner know that you care and that you want them to feel good — which makes sex more fun for everyone involved.
Often, there is the assumption if you go down on someone, they will do the same to you. But the truth is, not everyone is up for returning the favor. People have a wide range of attitudes about specific sex acts, and for whatever reason, some women just don’t enjoy giving head , or they only like doing it in certain contexts (if they're dating a man seriously, for instance). So don't assume that if you go down on a woman, she'll go down on you, because you might be disappointed.
“I used to not even let guys go down on me at all," Lindsey, 28, said. "I'd be intimate with a man, and they'd just lightly tongue around my clit for maximum of two minutes and then immediately pull their penis out...the fact that they expected [oral sex] after such a dismal performance was a huge turnoff.”
Rushing through something that's supposed to give your partner pleasure isn't fun for anyone. If you take your time and focus on how your partner feels, they will be more inclined to treat you the same way.
No two women are alike, so it's important to understand that what one of your partners wants, another might hate. You should always try to meet your partner
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