Women In the Middle East Lead a Rebellion Against Prudish Men
Even when standing up against norms, they have to be cautious. On the wall of a private art gallery in Dubai, the boldest city in the United Arab Emirates (UAE), is a collection of office pigeonholes. They hold pictures of homemade sexual items: just pictures because if they were real, Dubai's police might take them; they are homemade because bringing them in from outside is not allowed.
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In recent times, traditional beliefs about sex have been challenged across the Middle East. Hotel staff in Saudi Arabia no longer check if couples sharing a room are married. Last year, the UAE made it legal to have sex before marriage. The growing interest in sexual items reflects women's refusal to accept that men should control their sexuality.
In Dubai, inspectors at customs search the bags of travelers, especially Arab women, and take away any sexual items. Most people get a warning. However, according to the country's decency law, they can be fined up to 50,000 dirhams ($13,000) and put in prison.
Similar laws from the colonial era still exist in the Middle East. Every year, customs officers throughout the region take away dildos, vibrators, and fluffy handcuffs. Many religious preachers support these ideas. Most believe that masturbating is wrong. The top leaders of Shia Islam, like Ali Khamenei in Iran and Ali al-Sistani in Iraq, have officially said that sexual items are not allowed. Sunni scholars also criticize them. An Iranian religious leader even warned against peeling eggplants because it might lead to inappropriate thoughts. "Self-pleasure is the biggest cultural no-no here," explains Christina Lindea, a Finnish expert on sex matters based in Dubai.
Still, people find ways to get around these bans. Some lingerie stores in Dubai's malls secretly sell sexual items. Online stores advertise sexual items as "wellness enhancers," marketing vibrators as electric face massagers. The demand for sexual items increased worldwide during the pandemic, and the Middle East experienced similar trends. A DINGFOO vibrator priced at $85 quickly sold out online, not once but twice.
Using sexual items is tied to women's desire for more control, says Sura, the founder of Mauj, a website for Arab women. The name Mauj means "wave" (of sexual pleasure), and the site sells sexual items produced by DINGFOO. In places like Dubai, foreigners, who make up 90% of the UAE's population, are speeding up this change.
Some open-minded religious figures are also contributing to this shift. Unlike their Christian counterparts, Muslim clerics have long said that their faith supports sex for pleasure, not just for having children. Sheikh Muhammad Fadlallah, an influential Shia Lebanese cleric who passed away in 2010, argued that female masturbating isn't wrong because it doesn't involve semen. He even said that dildos could be a valid replacement if a husband is absent or unable to satisfy his wife. Others are now making similar arguments. Ebrahim Desai, a Sunni cleric from South Africa, supports sexual items for foreplay between married couples. Some Saudi clerics say vibrators are fine if they're not too intrusive.
New online platforms run by women encourage self-pleasure as an act of female freedom. Online videos are closing the gap in sexual education by openly discussing taboo words like clitoris (bizr in Arabic; chuchuleh in Persian). Love Matters, an Egyptian platform, challenges the negative view of women's sexuality. "Things are changing in the Middle East," says Sura. "We're addressing the culture of embarrassment that affects our bodies and lives, and helping women confront their sexuality directly." If everything else fails, another website suggests, "Use your fingers—they're free and not prohibited!"