Women I Sex

Women I Sex
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Sex and science. All the good stuff.
How do you like yours? (Credit: Shutterstock)
What do women want? You’re going to have to ask them. That’s the conclusion of the largest study to analyse the diversity of female sexual pleasure, published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy . The researchers aim to break down the ways in which women find pleasure, giving couples insight about how to boost their love life.
Debby Herbenick at Indiana University and her colleagues discovered that women’s preferences in the bedroom vary dramatically, but there are a few things that most tend to enjoy. A word of warning: this is going to get graphic.
The study asked 1,055 heterosexual women in the U.S. to answer a questionnaire that covered everything from sexual attitudes down to their preferred pattern of genital stimulation. The participants ranged from 18 to 94 years old.
Their answers were revealing: More than 36% of women reported needing clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, while less than a fifth reported that intercourse alone was sufficient. An additional 36% said that clitoral stimulation wasn’t necessary, but made for a better orgasm.
The majority of women said that some orgasms feel better than others, whereas 10.8% reckoned they all feel the same.
When asked about their ideal techniques, two thirds preferred direct clitoral stimulation. Of those that preferred indirect stimulation, the majority preferred touching "through the skin above the hood," while a smaller number preferred touching "through both lips pushed together (like a sandwich)." Fewer than 10% of women enjoyed stimulation to their mons pubis – the squishy area of tissue above the pubic bone. Around 5% preferred it when their partner avoided the clitoris altogether.
When the women were asked about what pattern of stimulation they enjoyed, most indicated that a repeated rhythmic motion was ideal. The least preferred pattern involved a partner putting extreme emphasis on one part of the motion – for instance, more pressure on the left side of the genitals.
That said, the results suggest that it's hard to go wrong in this department – 13 out of the 15 different patterns of stimulation given as options were endorsed by the majority of respondents.
Something else most women agreed on: light to medium pressure on the genitals is best. Only 1 in 10 said they preferred firm pressure during stimulation.
The results show – unsurprisingly – that there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to getting hot under the covers. The women in the study showed a wide variety of preferences as a group, yet on an individual level tended to endorse a narrow range of techniques that they specifically enjoyed. Which all just underscores the value of talking about sex with your partner.
There are a few things that will get you by in the meantime. More than half the women in the study said that spending time to build arousal, having a partner who knows what they like and emotional intimacy contributed to better orgasms. And one last thing: stamina is less important than you might think. Less than one in five women indicated that "sex that lasts a long time" made orgasms feel better.
I’ll be investigating other aspects of your love life in future posts. I'll be finding out whether the G-spot actually exists, uncovering the science of female ejaculation, discovering why orgasms are good for the brain and how soon we’ll be getting our hands on a male contraceptive pill.

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Women’s sexual pleasure is often considered something of a mystery by straight men. How does it work? Is it different from ours, and if so, how?
And the answers are often conflicting. Yes, the penis and the vagina function differently; but no, they’re not completely opposite body parts; in fact, if you take into consideration the nerve endings below the surface, they’re anatomically very similar.
One area where penis-havers and vagina-havers differ in important ways, however, is in the act of sex. Simply put, the sex positions that feel good to men and those that feel good to women are often vastly different. And that’s not even taking into account unrealistic porn-inspired sex positions or advanced sex positions that require yoga-level flexibility.
So if you genuinely want to pleasure your partner, keep reading — we have a list of illustrated sex positions that are geared toward women’s pleasure.
Missionary is one of the most popular sex positions because it delivers results. It is intimate, allowing you to gaze deep into your lover’s eyes as you reach the finish line. “The positioning and motion stimulates the woman’s clitoris , which is what the majority of ladies (close to 70 percent) need in order to orgasm,” says sexologist and Sex With Emily podcast host Emily Morse. “Perhaps this is why women have been rating it their top pick over the years.”
“The romantic and softer side of me really enjoys missionary,” adds adult entertainment performer Jelena Jensen , who is known for her work with studios such as Girlfriends Films . “While in missionary, I’m able to see him above me, look into his eyes, and wrap my entire body around him. There’s much more of a connection while in missionary, especially with someone you have feelings for.”
Adult performer and fetish model Casey Calvert also agrees on missionary being a favorite. “In my book, relaxation is step one to orgasm,” she says. “But besides that, missionary is my No. 1 position because I can control the angle of my pelvis to make sure he's really hitting just the right spot. I can do the same in cowgirl; I'm just more of a girl-on-the-bottom kinda girl!”
Morse notes that missionary is so great because there are plenty of ways to spice it up. “For example, instead of laying chest to chest, try holding your partner's legs against your chest, crossed at the ankles with her thigh muscles clenched,” she suggests. “Women will still love this variation because the clenched thighs provide the same amount of clitoral stimulation (if not more), and allow for a little more hip movement to help your partner hit that sweet spot. Men will definitely enjoy the tighter feel, the ability for deeper thrusts, and the increased visibility won’t hurt either.”
If we were going by most enjoyable positions for men, doggy-style would definitely take a top spot. “It’s no secret why men love this porn-tastic position,” says Morse. “It is naughty, allows for full range of motion, and you really can’t beat the view.”
For women, on the other hand, doggy-style is not always a slam dunk. Morse suggests a variation of doggy-style that both men and women can get behind. “It’s a lot like the well-known spooning position, but instead of staying on your sides, you and your partner are stacked on top of one another,” notes Morse. “Have your partner lay face down on a bed or some other soft surface with her legs slightly spread. Lie on top of her, using your arms for support (kind of like a plank), and enter her from behind. Not only does this face down configuration provide more intense friction with each thrust, the rocking motion will also create some pleasurable pressure against [her] clitoris for a double whammy.”
If the stacked feeling proves to be a little bit too much, you can also try placing a pillow underneath her pelvis. “The slight elevation allows for much deeper penetration , and also puts her at the perfect angle for some effortless G-Spot stimulation,” says Morse.
There are other spins on traditional doggy that are great for women, too.
“While in a flattened doggy, the man is able to hold the woman down by the small of her back,” shares Jensen. “Not only is this great for women that like to be restrained, but the lower back is also an erogenous zone of the female body. This position can also allow for more G-spot stimulation.”
When it comes to female-friendly sex positions, being on top is definitely a go-to.
“With the man on his back, ladies get full control of depth and speed of motion, and are free to grind their hips in whatever way will provide the best direct clitoral stimulation,” notes Morse. “From a visual perspective, this position is just about as good as it gets for guys. Plus, because this position focuses more on rocking back and forth than thrusting in and out, men tend to last a bit longer too!”
According to Morse, women tend to skip over the standard cowgirl position because they’re too self-conscious in their movements.
“If this is the case, or if you just feel like trying something a little more comfortable, take this position to the nearest couch or chair,” she says. “Sit up normally and have your partner straddle you so that you are face-to-face, or breasts-to-face, depending on height. Instead of bouncing up and down like they do in all of your favorite movies, have your partner swirl around in circles and rock back and forth so that the penis hits the wall of her G-spot over and over again. This grinding motion should also do some pretty magical things for her clitoris too, hopefully resulting in an elusive blended orgasm.”
Sometimes, incorporating some sex toys into your bedroom activities can help keep you from falling into a routine. Even positions you’ve done a million times can feel brand new again with the right accessory. It’s essentially the same thing as bringing a third into the bedroom without the guilt of cheating.
“Don't think that adding sex toys means that your sex is boring or less than satisfying,” says sex expert Laurel House . “The opposite is actually true! It shows you're open to exploring many avenues of pleasure because you feel safe and simultaneously liberated within your relationship. The key is to communicate with your partner. Talk about what you would like to try, then have a conversation after you put your new toy to use to honestly discuss if you liked it and if you want to try it again.”
Also, if you haven’t already, you should find yourself some good lube. “Making things slick is fun,” says psychologist and sexpert Antonia Hall. “It's best to use a lubricant that's free of chemicals like parabens and mineral oils, which are toxic and can break down silicon products.” Pjur Natural Lubricant, $29.95 at AdamEve.com
According to Hall, another good lube option is Aloe Cadabra, "which is edible and safe to use with condoms and toys.” Aloe Cadabra Lubricant, $10.95 at Amazon.com
Bondage is something that you can’t knock until you try it. This item is great if you don’t happen to have a headboard, as it’s set up so you can just slide the straps under your mattress to turn your bedroom into a playground. Under the Bed Restraint System, $28.95 at Amazon.com
Sure, anal's not for everyone, but it can definitely add a new dimension of pleasure to your sex life if you and your partner are open to it. The Rosie Plug is a great starting point with its gentle arrow shape, allowing for easy insertion with a gradually increasing diameter. Rosie Plug, $28 at Goodvibes.com
Deeper penetration (or changing the angle of penetration) can often be a simple way to instantly increase her pleasure. This will lift her pelvis (or backside) at a 27-degree angle, welcoming a new dimension to every position. Liberator Wedge, $79.99 at Amazon.com
This’ll turn an innocent tickle into a pleasure-filled moan in no time at all. There are two distinct ends to this whip, so be sure to switch it up, as it’s the contrast that will be a big part of the stimulation. Sex and Mischief Whip and Tickle, $19.95 at AdamEve.com
This adjustable couples vibrator also has a remote access smartphone app so you can have fun even when one of you is not there. We-Vibe Sync, $199 at AdamEve.com
This updated version of a classic sex toy can be used for either Kegel muscle exercises, or if she’s looking to stimulate herself. Lelo Luna Pleasure Beads, $59 at AdamEve.com
All illustrations by Carlee Ranger.
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