Women Forced Orgasm
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Women Forced Orgasm
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Despite the name, you’re in full control here. 🙌
If you’ve never heard of a forced orgasm before, the name can understandably be confusing AF. Why would anyone have to force an orgasm to happen when it’s already the GD best feeling ? Isn’t it the same as saying “forced eating all the cheese cubes at a party” or “forced eye contact with a puppy”?
Well, here’s the big reveal: A forced orgasm doesn’t actually require real force or anything you don’t consent to. It’s actually most commonly part of BDSM play, where a submissive doesn’t want to orgasm but is made to anyway by their dominant partner.
This can be included in everything from an elaborate role-play fantasy (e.g., you’re a superhero captured and restrained by a villain who’s “punishing” you by making you turned on and/or climax) to routine dirty talk with your partner (e.g., asking them if you have permission to orgasm, which they can deny until you can’t take it anymore ).
The overarching theme here is that even though you’re playing the role of a submissive, this is for you and your pleasure. A partner should never be pressuring you to have a forced orgasm if that’s not your thing. Like we already said, consent has to be a part of this for it to work and feel good.
If you’re really into the idea of playing with these power dynamics, here are some things you can do:
1. Talk consent and safe words before anything else.
As with any sex act, consent is key, but it’s especially important when you might be tied up/gagged/in an even more vulnerable position than usual. This is something you want to do with someone you trust —no exceptions.
Like with all BDSM play, safe words come highly, highly recommended here, especially since some of the lines you might say during a forced orgasm include “no” but you actually mean “plz keep going.” So pick a term that’s short and easy to say that wouldn’t otherwise be plausible in the scenario (like “lemon” or “pineapple”).
2. Potentially plan out scenarios ahead of time.
This is optional, but especially if it’s your first time, it can feel empowering to give your partner a script for exactly how you want this to go . This can range from “Don’t let me come until I’m begging you like crazy” to a detailed play-by-play of them giving you a massage, tying you up, going down on you, and then pounding away. This is your forced orgasm—you make the rules here!
Again, not required, but recommended: The fantasy of a forced orgasm can feel just a little more real if you’re restrained in some way. Whether you use a scarf or belt you have lying around at home, grab some supes-affordable bondage tape , or invest in a bondage kit , being tied down can also free up your partner to do everything they (re: you) want.
Once more, this is not a necessity but a “Why the hell not?” kind of thing. Having your boo press a Magic Wand against your vulva or controlling a vibrator harness can be so much fun. Or if you have a penis, throwing masturbators or butt plugs into the mix can also be a great addition to a hot BDSM-style sesh.
Whichever way you decide to embark on forced orgasms is up to you—just stick with what you and your partner are comfortable with. Now go on and get off!
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Gabrielle Kassel
Gabrielle Kassel is a New York-based sex and wellness writer and CrossFit Level 1 Trainer.
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Sounds like an oxymoron, but can actually be part of a really fun (consensual) role-play scenario.
Forced orgasm may sound like oxymoronic hyperbole. Why would you have to force someone to experience a rush of toe-curling, back-arching pleasure that most of us wish we achieved more often?! (*Side-eying selfish exes everywhere*). But forced orgasms are indeed A Thing™.
“Forced orgasms are the name for the climatic releases experienced by someone who has consensually relinquished control during sexual play,” explains psychologist and sex therapist Megan Fleming, PhD, resident sexpert with LoveHoney.com . The key word here: consensually. The catch is that while these orgasms are dubbed "forced orgasms," nobody is actually forcing anyone else to orgasm. (When someone is actually forced to perform any sex act against their will, that is sexual assault. That’s not what we’re talking about here).
Common in the wonderful world of BDSM , forced orgasms can support a role-play scene, fulfill a fantasy, or satiate a desire, depending on the pleasure-seekers' choice to play with power, says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy. In a Dominant/submissive relationship, for example, a submissive might consent to be "forced" to orgasm over and over (and over!) again from whatever stimulation the Dominant chooses, explains sex educator Kenneth Play , Founder of Hacienda Villa , an international sex-positive community.
A forced orgasm could also be used to enhance a (pre-negotiated!) role-play scene between an “Abductor” and “Damsel in Distress,” for example. The “Abductor” might tie the “Damsel” to the bed, and then make them climax “against their will” as part of the scenario.
Don't worry if you've never dabbled in BDSM territory: Forced orgasms can be something fun for anyone to try, as long as you thoroughly discuss the setup beforehand. Asking your partner, "Can I cum?" or saying, "Wait until I give you permission to cum" can transition a regular O into forced O territory, according to Fleming. *Oprah voice*: You get a forced orgasm, and you get a forced orgasm…
Whether you and your boo have Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey vibes or are typically more into the vanilla side of the sex spectrum, it's natural to be intrigued by the idea of a forced O. Read on to find 6 tips for exploring these control-less climaxes, suitable to all (s)experience levels.
Do you have a partner in crime pleasure for this little sexploration? There’s only one way to find out: Ask!
How you ask will depend on how subtle you are, or would like to be. One option Fleming recommends is to send your S.O. the link to this article with a low-key note. For example: "Read this article and thought this might be fun to play with sometime. Give it a look and lmk what you think." (If you arrived here via a link-share, welcome!).
A second option is to explain why you’re interested in forced orgasms from the get-go. Try something like, "Baby, you know how we love role-playing professor/college student? I was thinking next time incorporating a forced orgasm could help enhance the scene and make it even hotter for both of us," to get even more explicit.
Play notes that if watching porn is something you and your partner typically do together, your third option is to watch something together. If you stumble upon a forced orgasm scene, he says, you can use that as a jumping-off point. “Just ask if they think it’s a turn on or turn off, or something that might want to try in real life,” says Play.
In detail , babes! Discussing the scenario, down to the bondage positions you might want to explore, can actually make the whole thing even hotter. Doing so will also eliminate the confusion of who's giving and who's receiving the forced O’s—an important detail to settle beforehand.
Beyond that, prepping also gives you time to stock up on pre-requisite props and pleasure products (more on that below). Negotiating your scene also helps set boundaries, while ensuring the most pleasurable experience for all involved. “You want to figure out what toys you’ll use, if any, to help,” says Fleming. “You also want to figure out if you’ll stop after a certain number of orgasms, or when the submissive partner uses their safe word.” (PS: If you can’t agree on what the scene is going to look like, don’t do it in the first place.)
Speaking of safe words…yes, you need one! Safe words, ICYDK, are pre-established words that anyone involved in a sex-sesh can say/utter/scream to stop play. “They are the quickest way to let your partner know you’ve reached your threshold of pain or pleasure, or that a boundary has been crossed,” says Sparks.
While good to have for all kinds of sex (including missionary), safe words are especially important for kinky play. As Play says, “With greater risk comes responsibility, and a greater need for a safe word.” Common safe words, random as they may sound, include giraffe, pineapple, banana, and unicorn. Basically, any word that you wouldn’t otherwise say mid-hookup is fair-game.
Oh, and if one or all of you are going to have something in your mouth at any point in the scene (for example, a ball gag, penis, or finger), Sparks says you should also establish a non-verbal safe word. “The safe signal may be to hold up one, two, or three fingers when you want to stop,” she says. Or, to pat your partner’s thigh three times.
As far as forced orgasm gear goes, Fleming says restraints and other bondage toys reign supreme. “Forced orgasms and restraints go together really well,” she says. Makes sense that it’d be wayyy easier to deliver a forced O when the receiver can’t move…
She recommends opting for a set of under-the-bed restraints which you can easily store away after use. Try the Liberator Bed Buckler or the SportSheets Under The Bed Restraint System .
Using a vibrator is optional (Your forced O, your rules). But if you’re planning on going for multiple forced orgasms, or playing with edging, Play recommends using at least one. “Vibrators are great labor-saving devices,” he says. In other words, these babies will save your hand and forearm muscles from cramping.
Hands aside, a vibe can also deliver sensation to your vulva, anus, penis, nipples, and any other erogenous zones in a way that fingers can't, notes Sparks. For penis stimulation, she recommends using a vibrating stroker like the HotOctopuss Pulse and Tenga Polygon Masturbator And for clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation, she recommends opting for the Zumio , or the Pillow Talk Cheeky Wand.
“Forced orgasms can cause a really intense endorphin and hormone rush,” says Fleming. Post-play, this can leave people feeling super vulnerable. (This sensation is often known as sub-drop and Dom-drop). That's where BDSM aftercare needs to come in.
“When the big event is over, you want to spend extra time tending to each other's emotional and physical needs,” she says. For some people that means cuddles and ordering Seamless, or for others that could mean taking a bath, or just drinking water.
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Hint: It's kinda what it sounds like.
Once upon a time, the topic of orgasm was fairly run-of-the-mill. Basically, you do the sex, and you climax (fingers crossed!). But these days, orgasms are anything but ordinary and basic, with options ranging from forced to clitoral to skin orgasms . Also on the list? A ruined orgasm. That might sound confusing, but sex experts say it's the *lack* of orgasm that is exactly the goal.
"A ruined orgasm generally refers to an orgasm that is not particularly pleasurable," says Jess O’Reilly , PhD, sexologist and ambassador for sexual wellness and sex toy brands We-Vibe , Womanizer , and Arcwave . But, she adds, that doesn't mean a ruined orgasm can't be eroticized. For example, a ruined orgasm might allow participants to play with power dynamics and (loss of) control. This ties into the eroticization of emotions like humiliation, which can be an element of BDSM and other sexual roleplay, O'Reilly says.
Or, even if you're not into BDSM, this might be of interest to anyone who likes to engage in role-playing or themes including submission and domination, says Janet Brito , PhD, a clinical psychologist and sexologist in Honolulu.
Another potentially appealing aspect of the ruined orgasm? It does away with the socially dominant norm or expectation that you’re supposed to orgasm in one particular way, O'Reilly points out.
Ahead, sex experts breakdown everything you need to know about ruined orgasms, including why it's different than edging and how to achieve one yourself.
Meet the experts: Jess O’Reilly , PhD, is a sexologist and ambassador for sexual wellness and sex toy brands We-Vibe , Womanizer , and Arcwave . Janet Brito , PhD, is a clinical psychologist and sexologist in Honolulu. Donna Oriowo , PhD, LICSW, CST, is the owner and lead therapist of AnnodRight , a therapy practice by and for Black womxn in Lanham, Maryland. Kate Balestrieri , PhD is a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, PACT therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, a group therapy practice in Los Angeles, Miami, NYC, Denver and Chicago.
A ruined orgasm is one that can lean on stop-and-start stimulation and teasing, and, in the case of BDSM practice , may involve a sexual act where the dominant partner provides enough stimulation to get the submissive partner to orgasm, but then stops, Brito says. A ruined orgasm may also include an interrupted orgasm.
O'Reilly agrees, offering the following scenario: "For example, if you usually stroke yourself right before or during orgasm to intensify pleasure, you may stop (or be told to stop) a few seconds early, so that you experience the muscular contractions (and perhaps ejaculation) that tend to accompany orgasm, but not the climactic pleasure."
Brito emphasizes that a ruined orgasm, or any power sex play, requires consent and for both partners to create guidelines, establish boundaries, and negotiate specifics before they begin to experiment.
The name of the act itself doesn't sound pleasurable, but it can be for many reasons, explains Dr. Donna Oriowo, PhD, LICSW, CST, the owner and lead therapist of AnnodRight , a practice by and for Black womxn in Lanham, Maryland. For some, it's about being in the moment and removing orgasm as the end goal. For others, it plays into the power dynamics between dominant and submissive while giving up control of your pleasure to someone else.
In the context of BDSM, a submissive can also experience pleasure from being denied— deprived by the ruined orgasm, adds Dr. Kate Balestrieri, PhD, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy, a group therapy practice with multiple locations across the country.
With ruined orgasms, timing is everything, and it plays a big role in how it feels. Maybe you're thinking to yourself, "How will I know if I had a ruined orgasm?" Well, there's a slight chance you've already experienced something similar.
"If you’ve ever been close to an orgasm, and your vibrator dies just as you were about to surrender, only to have your orgasm peter out pathetically, that is a ruined orgasm," explains Balestrieri. Sound familiar?
Kind of, but there's a key difference. Edging involves being *this close* to getting the thing you want (in this case, orgasm) and having it repeatedly taken away juuuust as you are about to climax until, eventually, you do orgasm. The reason for it, experts say, is the resulting orgasm packs much more ka-pow as a result of the back-and-forth teasing. But that's not a ruined orgasm, O'Reilly says.
"Edging generally refers to building to pleasure via pleasure peaks and valleys," she notes. "It’s often part of building an undulating crescendo to a more powerfully pleasurable orgasm, so it’s quite different from detracting from the pleasure of orgasm as you might with a ruined orgasm."
Brito agrees, breaking it down into a simple comparison: Both ruined orgasms and edging involve the use of the start-stop method, but in the case of a ruined orgasm, the technique is meant to slow down orgasm and reduce build-up, whereas edging is all about elevating pleasure by prolonging it.
Like edging, a forced orgasm —
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