Women Describe Sex

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Women Describe Sex
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For the month of September, Bustle’s Sex TBH package is talking about sex, honestly. We’re delving into how women approach the things they’re taught to be shy or embarrassed about in the bedroom — and, in doing so, we're liberating people to live their best (sex) lives. Let’s do it.
Though sex can be magnetic and amazing and exhilarating, everyone probably would define it completely differently. After all, a lot of factors are involved — your tastes and preferences, your partner's tastes and preferences, your sexuality, their sexuality . In fact, there are probably as many ways to describe sex as there are sex positions. That's why it's important not to get too caught up in comparing your sex life to others .
"A healthy sex drive is different for each person," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, tells Bustle. "Overall, it's when we feel balanced in our desire (it feels good to us, as opposed to something being off, whether too high or low) and sexually fulfilled whether it's alone or with a partner."
Sure, sex has incredible health benefits , from reducing stress to lowering blood pressure, but the real answer to the amount of sex you should be having (and how long it should last, and what the best positions are, etc.) is whatever's best for you and your partner. We all have different sex lives — and that's one of the reasons sex is so fun to talk about. Here are the ways millennial women describe their sex lives in one word .
"Unique. Sex is never the same from partner to partner, ya know? Everyone, including myself, has different experience going in. So when you and someone else's sex lives mesh together, it's unique (bad/good/indifferent, whatever the case may be)."
"Habitual. Sex is chronic and habitual, as in never-ending, and not in a good way. It lacks originality, surprise, and is mostly habitual. It just is."
"Routine. Not necessarily in a bad way, because I do enjoy it, but it pretty much happens in the same way more often than not."
"Euphoric. I've been dating the same person for a while now, and one thing we make sure of is to never let our sex life get stale . I'd say it's 'euphoric,' because we try to make sure it's out of this world, or at least interesting, every time."
"Healthy. My sex life is healthy, as my partner and I talk about EVERYTHING — what we like, what we don't like, what we want to try, what we don't want to try. They say communication is key , and it's true in the bedroom (or on the kitchen floor !), too!"
"Magical. If you think about it, sex is magical. I mean, it's pretty easy and makes both people feel amazing (or at least should!)."
"Subpar. I know it could be better, but my boyfriend's not as into trying new things as I am. Then again, I don't want to have a 'subpar' sex life forever…"
"Fun. Let's face it: Sex is fun . Period. Yeah, we all get partners that are not as fun as others, so then the sex could lack, but it is what you make it!"
"Variety. I try to switch things up as much as I can. Even if my partner doesn't initiate something new, I do — it's my sex life , too!"
"Lonely. I'd say sex is lonely since I can rarely orgasm from my boyfriend . I can from his hand or other stimulation, but rarely during sex. "
"Surprising, because it's rarely planned, and also a new surprise with each new partner."
"Connectedness. To me, sex is all about connecting with someone, whether it's someone fleeting or a LTR. Even if you're not too attached to the person, you still connect on some level."
"Infrequent. Sadly, I don't have much sex. I'm not a swiper-for-sex person, and I don't have serious boyfriends much. When I do, I feel our sex drives are much different and they want to a lot less than I do."
"Spontaneous. I think the more often you have sex spontaneously, the better (i.e., more satisfying) it is for both people. This is true for me and my boyfriend now, and was true with me and exes, too."
As you can see, the way millennial women describe sex, and the way they experience sex, varies from person-to-person. No matter what word you use to describe it, know that sex may mean something different to everyone — and that's a good thing.

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The hottest thing you’ll read all day.
You’ve heard the usual Fifty Shades Of Grey BDSM fantasy, and the “have sex in public” fantasy over and over again, from every woman on the planet. Hot, sure, but that’s old news. So we asked a bunch of women for their dirtiest, naughtiest secret sex fantasies, ones that maybe you’ve never heard before. 
Feast your eyes and ears on these seven hot, forbidden fantasies, as told by the women themselves*. You won’t be disappointed.
“I have this fantasy that basically recreates the airplane scene from the music video for ‘Toxic ‘ by Britney Spears, but the flight attendant is a guy. I’m sitting in my first class seat on the way to an exotic destination, and the sexy male flight attendant is pouring some champagne for me but “accidentally” spills some on my silk dress, all over my upper thighs. He reaches down to help me wipe the champagne off and slips his hand under my dress. We’re obviously attracted to each other like crazy so he slyly follows me to the bathroom when I get up to clean off. He gets in after me and locks the door. We have passionate, rough sex in the airplane bathroom. Nobody notices, and I never see or hear from him again after that flight.” -Nadia, 31
“I’m usually not interested in anything but plain, normal sex, but I really want to try double penetration at least once. I’ve seen it in porn so many times and it looks really enjoyable. I don’t care who the two guys are, I just want the experience and that feeling of being completely filled up.” -Sarah, 24
“I hate going to the doctor, but that doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about getting fucked by a doctor in an exam room. When the doctor walks in, he locks the door behind him without saying a single word. He slowly walks up to me and spins me around and bends me over the table. He pulls my panties to the side and fingers me until I’m panting and begging him for more. We have sex, then I thank the good doctor for his excellent patient care before leaving.” -Loni, 28
“I live on the fourth floor of a building in New York City, and there’s a fire escape that I can climb out onto from my bedroom window. The fire escape overlooks 14th Street, which is a pretty busy street, and ever since I moved into that apartment two years ago I’ve wanted to have sex on the fire escape where everyone on the street can see if they look up. We’d have our clothes on because I don’t want to get arrested, but the thought of having sex over a busy street really turns me on.” -Quinn, 27
“I’ve always wanted to have a threesome, but not just any threesome. I picture my boyfriend and I going to a bar, and spotting the most beautiful woman there. After we decide on someone, we approach her and have an evening of charming conversation. Then when the time is right I slip my hand onto her leg, then slowly ease my skirt up, revealing lace thigh-high stalkings and a garter built. Without a word, she understands, and we go back to my place for a night of insane sex.” -Sabrina, 29
“I had a sex dream about my fiancée’s father and ever since that dream I can’t get the idea of having sex with him out of my head. I love my fiancée to death, but I can’t help but fantasize about his father now. I imagine that he’s rough and dominating and tells me to call him Daddy, and has me wear lace lingerie and fluffy high heeled slippers. But to be fair, he’s only in his mid-50’s, he’s tall and fit, and is 100% a silver fox. A perfect Daddy image.” -Talin, 27
“A guy I dated sophomore year of college had full-length standing mirror by his bed and we would watch ourselves having sex. I thought it was the hottest thing ever, and it made me want to make a sex tape so I could watch myself having sex. It’d be shot from in front of me when I’m on my hands and knees so I can watch him when he’s hitting it from the back.” -Magda, 22
“I’m dying to dominate a man and be the boss for once. I’d wear a latex bodysuit and black spiked Louboutins, and have a whip in one hand and a feather in the other so I could take turns tickling his balls with the feather and taking the whip to his ass. I’d cover his mouth with black duct tape and pull some The Wolf of Wall Street moves. Real freaky stuff. ” -Hannah, 24






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Published: 17:39 BST, 30 January 2018 | Updated: 05:00 BST, 31 January 2018
No one forgets their first time having sex, even if it was an awkward or unfulfilling experience.  
And in an attempt to shed light on the vast first time sexual encounters girls can have, a group of young women spoke to Seventeen about losing their virginity, and how the experience felt. 
Their first time confessions describe where and when they had sex, with who and how they felt afterward.  
Blinded by love: Young women share the time they lost their virginity including Hafeezah who said she would have enjoyed losing her virginity if he had 'checked in' on her (stock image) 
Hafeezah expected her first time to be magical and told Seventeen that it would have been more enjoyable if the guy involved was more considerate.
She said: 'He knew I was a virgin and for some reason, I had this expectation of it being magical, which in all honesty, it wasn't. 
'He kept his face buried in my shoulder/neck the whole time and asked if I was okay once during, which I thought was kind of inconsiderate.' 
'I think I would have enjoyed it more if he had checked in with me to see if my needs were being met, which they weren't. At the time, I was blinded by my love, so I chose to look past that.' 
For other girls like Katie, their first time was shared with someone who cared about how they were feeling.  
'He told me to relax and that we didn't have to continue if I didn't want to, but I did. I felt a little ashamed and embarrassed because I imagined something different and I thought he was disappointed in the experience.'
'He was so understanding and he said it was fine and that he wanted me to be okay, and that we didn't have to continue. He made me feel better about the experience, and we are still together two and a half years later.' 
For Tori, her first time was with someone she was 'crazy about' and happened when knew she was ready.  
She said: 'I was almost 21, I was (finally) in a relationship with a guy I was crazy about, and I knew I was as ready as I'd ever be. I had waited to have sex because I wanted my first time to be with someone that cared about me and would be around to share not just the physical act, but the emotions that came with it as well.'
'I was scared that sex would hurt, and that fear made me more tense, so even though I was happy to be sharing that intimacy with my partner, I couldn't really relax and it hurt a bit. Afterwards, I was relieved that I'd finally gotten it over with, and didn't know if I would ever think sex was fun.'
'In the next weeks I learned that our culture obsesses about making the first time perfect, but chances are that the second, third, fourth, etc. times will be so much better. There's less subconscious pressure, and you'll learn what feels good for you.'
Tiffany wasn't in love the first time she had sex but that was something she had expected beforehand. 
'I wasn't 'in love' or whatever, but I guess I never expected to be. He made me feel comfortable and respected, so one night, I went over and we had sex. It wasn't awkward or weird, and it wasn't this special magical moment either.' 
'We went to a diner the next morning for breakfast and texted my best friend group chat the link to Lonely's Island's 'I Just Had Sex,' and I think they were more excited about it than me to be honest.' 
Still friends: Kelsey still talks to the guy she lost her virginity to on a hotel balcony (stock image) 
And for Kelsey, her first time was unplanned but an experience she doesn't regret at all. 
'I was on senior week, and I was hanging out with the boy I liked. His friend was asleep in his hotel room, so we did it on the balcony. It was completely unplanned, but I've never regretted it. I'm still friends with the guy, too.' 
Kylie was 19 when she lost her virginity and said it happened during a 'Netflix and chill situation' which she later felt guilty about. 
'The guy I had been talking to didn't know I was a virgin, and I didn't tell him because I was afraid it would scare him off.' 
'Once I got home, I felt guilty because it wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity, and not something you get back. I cried for a little bit and then decided there wasn't anything more I could do about it. I couldn't change what had already happened. All in all it wasn't terrible, and I'm not sure I would change it.' 
Unromantic and messy: Bianca said her first time was in the back of a guys car at a beach concert (stock image) 
Debby and her boyfriend were both 17 when they had sex and waited until Christmas Eve so they would have the place to themselves.  
'We waited until Christmas Eve when his parents had left for a holiday party. I was so incredibly nervous — l think we both were. So we lit candles and took it slow. To be honest it hurt like hell. But other than that l think it was pretty perfect as far as virgins go.' 
But for Bianca, her first time was 'not romantic at all' and happened in the back of someones car.
'It was messy, drunk and horny. I was 17, drunk at a beach concert, called a guy that we had an on and off thing and we had sex in the back of his pickup car. Then, he went to study abroad and we never spoke about it, until like 2 years later.'
Get it over with: Lee decided to have sex with her guy friend but recommends people wait until they're ready (stock image) 
Shannon said that although she was an early bloomer, she wanted to wait until she went to college to lose her virginity.
'I was 20 when I lost my virginity. I decided that I wanted to wait until college to lose it, but when I finally got to college, I didn't really meet anyone that I wanted to have sex with, especially not for my first time. I ultimately decided to lose it to a guy that I really, really liked but wasn't in a relationship with.' 
'I was just so ready to 'get it over with,' and this guy was (and still is) a great guy. My one regret in the entire experience is that I didn't tell him that I was a virgin. To this day he doesn't know! I was so scared that I was going to freak him out, but really, a lot of awkwardness could have been avoided if I'd just been honest.' 
Like Shannon, Lee also wanted to 'get it over with' so she decided to have sex with her guy friend who she had known for a while.   
'We were both virgins and just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't pleasurable or even fun, and throughout the entire process all I could think about was, when will this be over? Moral of the story — wait until you're really ready.'
Kayleigh lost her virginity when she was 15 years old to her boyfriend that was two years older than her.  
She said they decided to do it after about three months of dating, which is when she knew for sure she was ready. 
She said: 'We used a condom. Honestly, I didn't feel different after than I did before. Maybe just a little more mature. If you really think you're ready, and you and your partner protect yourselves, it can be a really cool thing.'
Not like it she imagined: Katelyn said she was expecting her first time to be amazing but instead it was painful and didn't last long (stock image) 
Katelyn was 16 when she lost her virginity to her boyfriend at the time who she had been dating for about eight months.  
She said: 'Things were getting serious, so we decided to do it. I was expecting it to be so nice and amazing, but instead it was so painful.'
Cassidy's first time happened during her freshman year of college with an upperclassman frat bro who avoided her after it happened.
'He didn't text me at all and when I saw him at a party the next weekend he completely avoided me. If I walked into a room and we made eye contact he would immediately turn and walk out. It felt like a huge slap in the face. I liked him, but he had finally gotten what he wanted and that was it. He was over me.' 
'I wanted nothing more than to go up to him and yell and ask him why he was being so mean to me when I had done nothing wrong, but every weekend he would completely avoid me or be talking with another girl when I walked by. I have to admit that I'm still not 100% over it or him.'
Sex isn't a requirement: Mikayla said her boyfriend suggested they have sex to see if there was a spark between them (stock image) 
Mikayala had been dating someone for less than a month when he suggested they have sex to 'figure out if we have a spark to continue dating.' 
'I was 18 and wanted to lose my virginity so I could fit in, but also because I really liked this guy. We had sex in a car (how romantic, right?). I was so nervous that he wouldn't feel that 'spark,' but he did. At the time, I felt amazing.' 
'I thought I found the guy of my dreams and that we'd get married. We're no longer together, but I don't regret the experience. I just wished I had known I didn't need to have sex with a guy for him to approve of me or continue dating me.'  
And for Brooklyn, she felt unprepared for sex despite having an open conversation about it with her mom.   
'My mom tried to have an open and honest conversation about having sex so that I would feel less nervous when the time came.'
'But the conversation was always about boys, never being sexual with girls, so I felt completely unprepared when I went to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time.'
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