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Labels are hard to shift. I know. I pissed myself in class in grade 2. Since then I got labelled as “that kid who peed his pants.” My friends would say, “Hey remember that time you peed your pants?” Hard to forget when it’s frequently brought up over 8 years. I escaped that identity only when I changed schools. I suspect being labelled “slut” is much worse. I’ve never once called a girl a slut. I’ve had girlfriends who cheated on me though. Not pleasant. Then again, I’ve cheated on girlfriends. Not proud. You might say that’s karma for being a man slut. But perhaps, just perhaps, we all are. Yes. If you’re reading this and you’re female, you’re a slut! Wow, that’s the first time I said that to a girl. Anyway, here’s why you are…
Women are sluts and men are, well, men. We think of men as man-whores already. Hence there’s no point of stating the obvious. But the truth is both sexes love sex. Women are just as promiscuous as men, otherwise the numbers don’t add up. If men were sleeping around with all these women, there has to be “all these women” to sleep around with in the first place. The average male reports having twice as many partners as the average women report. This could only happen if there are twice as many women in the population. Either men exaggerate or women understate. But someone’s lying here.
In nature it’s the male species that use physical appearance to vie for female attention. In humans, it’s the opposite. Women in the Kayan tribe of Thailand extend their necks with brass rings. Women in Ethiopian tribes scar their bellies or insert plaques into their lips. In Japan, women cosmetically unstraighten their teeth, while a tribe in Indonesia file their teeth to be pointy. Women of 19th century Europe wore tight corsets. Meanwhile daughters in Mauritania are sent to fat camps to get stretch marks. Different methods but to the same end. To attract men. It’s true in every society in every part of the world at any time in history. Come to think of it, short skirts, see-through blouse and six-inch stilettos are a bit tame comparatively. Step it up a bit ladies!
Once you’re tagged a slut, it sticks with you. It’s not that you can’t shake it off but often because you won’t. Your resistance to the slut label is the glue that keeps you tied to it. Carl Jung said it best. Whatever you resist persist. So embrace it. Wear it as a badge of honour of your sexual empowerment, and pretty soon the word loses all negative undertones. Take the “Slutwalk” movement. The protest was against victim-blaming and slut-shaming. Women declared loudly and proudly they were sluts. After a while people just told them to shut up about it. The movement died but so did some of the word’s power. What you embrace dissolves.
You have plump breasts. No other primate does. Not unless they’re breastfeeding. It’s a trait non-essential for survival. In the animal world, it’s always the male species that have these “handicaps.” But there’s an adaptive payoff that outweighs the energy cost and survival risk. And that is sexual advantage. Peacocks get more peahens. Women get more men. In nature, sex mostly only occur when the female is ovulating. To prevent males searching for other mates while she’s not ovulating, a woman’s breasts signal she’s continuously sexually receptive. Push up bras, plunging necklines, fishnet crop tops, breast implants. Enhancing your assets opens up your options. It’s not slutty. It’s called natural selection.
While men are typically penis-centric, women have a lot of erogenous zones. Virtually every part of their body can be a feel-good button. The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis. It’s there for fun. The organ has no other function. Women were made to find sex pleasurable, arguably more than men. In our ancient past, humans evolved to find sweet and salty taste pleasurable. Times of plenty were rare. So when we did have access to those type of food we tended to gorge on them. Today this adaptive mechanism doesn’t serve us. But we still have the biologically urge to choose coke and fries over the salad and kale juice. Women are naturally geared towards getting sex when she can. The problem? Sex is now plentiful.
Stoning, eunuchs, anti-abortion laws, punitive sexual norms, female genital mutilation, and forced marriages are all designed to control female sexuality. Why? Because men recognize the raw, animalistic sexual drive that women possess. There wouldn’t be sexual repression if women were not naturally inclined to be promiscuous. Patriarchal society wants you to adhere to the narrow standards of femininity and sexuality set out for you. The “slut” tag is a warning to keep you in place. Don’t help them along by self-loathing. Embrace your inner slut. And break free from restraints.
In a 2005 study, capuchin monkeys were taught to use money tokens. Not long after, the first prostitute monkey appeared. Prostitution itself has been described as the world’s oldest profession. But we know that exchange-free promiscuous sex occur among almost all primates. Promiscuity reduces the chance an offspring will be attacked by another male as the offspring could be theirs. In macaques and chimpanzees, females copulate with multiple partners until they have an orgasm. In humans, females can orgasm multiple times without a recovery period. The average time for men to reach orgasm is between three and five minutes. For women it’s between 15 and 40 minutes. There’s an obvious orgasm gap here. …I’m just saying.
We’re now dating in the high-speed lane. On the palm of your hand you can sift through hundreds of potential partners. You can skype or text or facebook stalk them. You can emotionally connect and know intimate details about a person even before your first date. All that’s left to know is how he is in bed. Other things matter but without sexual connection you’re just platonic friends. If things don’t work with him then, well your date on Friday might. Technology has made finding the one easier and faster. You just have to take advantage of it.
Get over it. Other are always wanting to label you a slut. A man will call you a slut to protect his fragile ego of not being good enough. A woman will call you a slut when she feels sexually threatened by you. Women try to stifle each other’s sexuality because sex scarcity gives them an advantage to negotiate with men. Every generation thinks the generation after theirs are sluts. What would your grandparents think of pre-marital sex and co-habitation these days? Heck at one time exposing your shoulders or knees was the height of sluttiness. Actually, in some places it still is.
The clitoris and penis start out as the same bundle of tissue. Ditto for the testicules and ovaries. Clitorises have hoods. Penises have foreskins. 98.5% of DNA is shared between the sexes. If a man is genetically coded to sleep with as many of the opposite sex as possible, then by default, so are you. Even feminists held the belief that women are like, and therefore ought to act like a man. They downplayed motherhood. The liberated women advocated for sexual empowerment through abortions, casual sex, and contraceptive pills. They were essentially fighting for sexual freedom. And now you’re trying to fight against it. Go figure.
I’ve always been in long-term relationships. Still, I was jealous of those Casanovas and Romeos that could get any women. If I’m really honest I wasn’t monogamous by choice. In a way I’m fortunate to be ill-flavoured. I’ve seen “luckier” mates diversify their relationships. Here’s what happens. Brief happiness. Then lying, loss of money and time, stress, pain, insanity, depression, repeat. Now in my 30s I have no such urge to play the field. The upside is you get to really know someone. You penetrate not only her body but many different layers you didn’t know existed before. If you jump from person to person you never get to experience that depth. I’m constantly discovering something new about my other half. It’s like being with a different woman every day. I am Casanova …but shhh, don’t tell her!

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