WolterShariki (ENG)

What happens if Heisenberg and Smeshariki meet, Episode 1:

Shard 0: "Yes, This Is a Prologue":

By the bitch's command, by my own desire, this exists. For simplicity, I'll call Heisenberg (Walter White) "Walt." Also, there will be no pre-prologue or prologue like in StickerVerse, no in-story explanation of how Heisenberg ended up in Smeshariki. Just the story. (Oh wait... this is basically a prologue itself...) Ah, whatever, forget it. Let's begin the story:

Shard 1: "Setup and Denial":

So Heisenberg finds himself on a beach, as if teleported. He's looking for a way back, noticing unnaturally green grass for the real world, as if he's in a cartoon. Suddenly, he hears footsteps, turns around, and there's a FAT, SPHERICAL PENGUIN IN A CAP!!! Heisenberg tries to run away from him.

Walter White, aka Heisenberg, runs like he's never run before. His heart is pounding in his throat, and one thought pulsates in his head: "This is all chemistry. Hallucinations. Overdose. Toxins in the air. I need to filter my breathing." The penguin, luckily, runs slowly and soon gives up, waving a flipper and muttering something like, "You'll be back, in 37 to 73 days, just like all the others, Nyusha, Losyash, and even me." Walt doesn't care what the penguin is saying and hides in the bushes with unnaturally round berries. He's not going to eat anything—everything is suspicious; what if he gets poisoned.

Shard 2: "Denial and Anger":

"Days 1-5. Hunger and First Changes."

Walt was a stubborn old man. He decided not to touch the local food or water. He only drank dew collected on leaves and chewed bark, swallowing just the juice, afraid of the pulp. But hunger is no joke, and his body demanded calories. He felt himself weakening but stubbornly told himself, "I will not give in to this surreality." By the fifth day, he noticed something strange: his skin had stopped sweating. It had become... smooth. Too smooth. The wrinkles around his eyes seemed to have smoothed out, and his bald head acquired a suspicious glossy shine, like a balloon that's been rubbed with wool for a long time. Walt: "It's Quincke's edema," he lied to himself, looking at his reflection in a puddle. "An allergy to pollen." But the swelling didn't go down. It grew—like a mutation!

Shard 3: "Anger and Bargaining":

Day 10. Gas mask.

Realizing that fasting wasn't helping, only slowing the process (his body was still rounding out, absorbing this stupid reality through his skin), Walt flew into a rage. He found a dump of old spare parts on the edge of the forest (near the penguin's dwelling) and constructed something ingenious—a gas mask! He used an empty "Kopatych" kvass bottle, charcoal from the campfire, and the elastic from his own underpants. The design was airtight. Putting it on, Walt inhaled the filtered air with pleasure. "That's it," he wheezed. "I'll outsmart your physics." ...But he hadn't accounted for one thing: the filter blocked his breathing, but it didn't block reality. His skin continued to mutate. His legs began to shorten. His fingers started fusing together, covered in a thin transparent membrane.

Shard 4: "Depression":

Days 20–30: "The Beak Inside the Mask."

The scariest thing began on day 20. Walt felt a terrible itching in his nose. He thought ants had gotten in there. He scratched his nose through the mask, but the itching only intensified. The bones of his face were cracking and shifting. His nose grew. It hardened, stretched out, and turned into a beak. But because his face was locked inside the rubber mask-bottle, the beak pressed against the filter wall. It grew inside, deforming the plastic, taking on a bizarre shape. Part of the filter (the charcoal cartridge) literally grew into the upper mandible, making Walt's beak not just duck-like, but technically equipped. Now, when he breathed, the air still passed through the charcoal, even without the bottle. The mask had become part of him. "Damn... damn... damn!" he moaned, feeling his body round out and his hands turn into little feet.

Day 30. Capitulation.

Walt gave up. He took off the mask. Or rather, he tore off the remaining plastic from his face – or snout, hard to say – but the rubber strip remained on the back of his head, and the filter was firmly fused to his beak. Now his face was a terrifying sight: a duck's beak with an integrated charcoal filter, making it look like he was permanently displeased and frowning. He goes to the pond to quench his thirst and sees his reflection. Something is staring back from the water. A perfectly round, sand-colored body. Short webbed feet. A head smoothly transitioning into the torso (not yet fully merged). On his head, his green shirt had magically turned into a bandana, resting on his round crown. His signature glasses had grown with his eyes and now sat on his beak, and from under the beak, the same thin lip of Walter White protruded, ready at any moment to curl into a contemptuous sneer. He raised his hand – sorry, his little foot. The foot was webbed. On the back of the foot stuck a sharp spur. "I'm... a platypus?" he whispered in a voice that, despite the beak, still sounded just as menacing. "Why a platypus?!" There was no answer. But a dark irony surfaced in his mind: the platypus is venomous. He could still produce his "product." Now, literally.

Shard 5: "Acceptance":

Day 37. "Mutation Complete."

The process was finished. Walt had fully adapted to the environment. He no longer tried to run from the penguin. Now he himself looked like a character from this insane cartoon. He stood in the clearing, fingering samples of local plants with his little feet, analyzing their chemical composition. Suddenly, the same fat, spherical penguin in a cap tumbled out of the bushes; now he seemed no smaller, actually the same height as Walt. "Oh! The newcomer! I've been looking for you!" Pin chattered, approaching. "Why did you run away? I wanted to offer you... Oh, and why have you become so... round? And you've got a beak? And how did that filter grow into your beak? That's not right! Need to fix it!" Pin reached out a flipper to touch the strange growth. Walt (now a full-fledged Smesharik) slowly raised his head. In his huge eyes behind the thick glasses, a familiar cold fire ignited. He looked at his foot, at the venomous spur, then at Pin: "Hands off, penguin," he hissed through his beak, deep and sinister. "Or you'll get a chemical burn so bad that your little pieces of iron will seem like a child's toy." Pin froze. His flipper remained suspended in the air. He only said, "Oy..." And so, a new inhabitant appeared in Daisy Valley – a gloomy, venomous platypus in glasses who didn't eat the local food, trusted no one, and at the first opportunity began building a moonshine still in Pin's shed to synthesize something blue from the local berries. And what that blue thing is, dear readers, you already know.