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Because your brain doesn't shut off when you're getting off
When you're taking some solo time to get in touch with your body, it's pretty much a judgment-free zone. You can do whatever, say whatever, and think whatever you want—nobody here to please but yourself! But just like your mind can wander when you're in bed with a partner , it's pretty much impossible to turn your brain off when you're getting busy with yourself. Really, who hasn't had the following thoughts while they were getting off?
1. "Oohh yeah…see, why is this so hard for other people to understand?" It's not like your clitoris is on an undercover mission—it's right there. Well, to be fair, you probably know this layout a little better than your partner. But still.
2. “Wait, did I lock the door?” Whatever, you probably did. It’s not like your rooommate ever comes home this early…but what if she does? How embarrassing would that be? Okay, you should get up and check. It’ll only take two seconds.
3. “Okay, this isn’t really working. Where’s my vibrator?” I mean, your hand is great and all, but it doesn't have six different settings and pleasure beads…whatever those are. Now, where did you put it?
4. “Welp, porn it is!” You can only replay that same hot scene with your ex in your head so many times. Plus, you've seen his new Facebook photo, and…well…he does not look the same. Looks like you're firing up the laptop. Internet, don’t fail us now!
5. “Eew no, that is definitely not hot.” Help! How did I click my way into this terrifying section?! ABORT ABORT!
6. “Mmm… now that is a celebrity fantasy I can work with.” Back to old school fantasizing. Hmm...wonder if Jesse Williams will be in the Magic Mike sequel? That's in the works, right? (Answer: YES .)
7. “ WHO is texting me right now?!" You are this close to an orgasm and now your phone decides to blow up. Ugh. Rookie mistake—should have set that baby to vibrate.
8. “YES! MAN, I am good.” Is there some sort of medal for this? If not, there should be…
9. “I definitely deserve another round.” Why? Because you can.
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My sister in law is 28, 9 years younger than me. She came and stayed with us last weekend but brought a friend with her so since we only have one spare room they were sharing a bed. 2:00 in the morning i heard a door close and thinking it was one of our kids i got out of bed to check on them, I got dressed and went down the hall, I was going to go check on the kids and didn't notice the bathroom door was closed but as i passed it i heard a groan. being tired and groggy i didn't even think about it, My first though was that one of the kids was puking. I noticed the door was closed and the light was off so i swung the door open and flicked on the light. My wife's sister was sitting on the toilet with the lid down and and a towel under her, she had her phone propped up on a towel on the counter, She had her pj's laying on the floor and her legs spread wide, I stopped and stared as she twitched breathing heavy and choppy, Her big floppy t*** with their big pink areolae and large pink nipples squeezed together with her arms and jiggling as she twitched and her hands folded on top of her pelvis and looked like she was putting pressure on it. She had her legs spread showing her little pink p**** which is shaved bald like completely bald and she looked at me and through choppy breaths and as she twitched she slowly closed her legs as if in pain as she whispered "Oh f*** , Oh f*** ". I said "Sorry" and closed the door, I closed the door and went back to bed and a few minutes later she came to the door and whispered "Psst", I looked up and she summoned me to the kitchen, I met her there and quickly explained that i though it was one of the kids puking. She looked like she wanted to say something or cry but she just put her head down shaking it then looked up and said "I am so sorry, Can we please pretend this never happened?" Of course i agreed but as soon as they left i told her, If that bombshell ever slipped out and i hadn't told her she would s*** .
I caught my mother in law one night going to town on her p**** with a vibrator. She came to visit and had to sleep on the couch because we didn't have a spare bedroom. It was late, or early, however you want to look at it and I got up to get something to drink. As I stood in the kitchen I could hear a buzzing in the living room. I walked in and saw my mother in law with her eyes closed, legs wide open and a vibrator up against her c*** . I almost turned and walked out, but she didn't see me so I decided to stay and watch. It got really awkward when she finished and opened her eyes. I knew I had been busted, but what could she say. I didn't know what to say either so I said, "wow, if your daughter has half the body you do at your age, I will be a lucky man". I then turned and walked out. We never spoke about it after that night, but every once in a while I will walk past her and "buzzzz" in her ear just to f*** with her. She always just shakes her head and tells me I'm bad as she walks away. I never did tell my wife.
The comments are the best on this one. People defending this guy until some pointed out that he was still a dog for masturbating to the thought of his sister-in-law, and then everyone just went silent. l****
Dude, you walk in on your SIL flicking the bean and you didn't drop trou to go b**** deep? That's like finding the prize in snackjack box and throwing it away. I revoke your man card.
I would have offered to help her out next time she would some satisfaction,but a proper tool . What the wife does not see or know will not harm her . I bet you have always wanted to give the sister one just for the h*** of it. I have had the sister in law when she young and still tight and still fresh and I filled her with my baby gravy, and lucky she do not get pregnant .she was a good f*** . Can still a quick w*** over and c** quickly. The proof she was Avery good f*** . So go for it my man go on be a man and give her the good f****** she deserves.
And you didn't offer up your c*** to her? what kind of brother-in-law are you? You could have at least offered to help her finish.
Yeah, that would have been a real stand up move, I am married to her sister who i am faithful to. Even though her sister has an amazing body to LOOK at i would never disrespect my wife like that or destroy my childrens lives by being a douchebag cheater. Furthermore my wife is also hot and keeps me more than happy in the bedroom. Was it hot?, Absolutely. Do i think about it when i j*** off?, Absolutely. Would i ever be inappropriate and offer to f*** her? Never. And if you paid any attention she had already finished, think a alittle before you say stupid s*** .
And jerking off to the thought of your wife's sister is being respectful to your wife? I'm going to say no, you are indeed disrespecting your wife.
No, you are a douchebag for even writing about it. You should have kept this to yourself. if you are that classy of a guy, than you would have kept this off the internet instead of telling the whole world. you're an a****** just like everyone else who is telling you to f*** her. I bet you didn't tell your wife you put this up on the internet.
I bet he hasn't told his wife that he slaps his meat thinking about her sister either. LOL
Totally agree, all these guys saying you should have f***** her are probably single or really stupid. You don't throw away your marriage and destroy your family for some p**** .
Yeah, he jacks off and thinks about her. I mean you did see that in his comment above where he stated that, right? So I wouldn't exactly be putting this guy up on some pedestal. If you m********* to your sister-in-law, you are not exactly winning any husband of the year awards. Just saying.
Absoulutely, "Be a man and give her the good f*** she deserves"? How about be a man and show some restraint, show her and your wife you can be a good man and treat them both with respect.
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1 . Ramona Singer Introduces Us to Turtle Time
2 . Vicki Gunvalson, Tamra Judge, and Lydia McLaughlin Whoop It Up in Mexico
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From Turtle Time to "whooping it up," the 'Wives always know how to have fun.
'Wives sure do know how to party, and they never let whatever drama is going on between them get in the way of a good time. When 'Wives let loose, you better prepare yourself for some thoroughly entertaining and unforgettable moments.
And not only that, but these ladies have taught us how to let the good times roll without making any party fouls, such as showing us that Puerto Vallarta, Mexico is a prime location to "whoop it up," pirate costumes are essential for any bash, and cartwheels always bring people together.
So raise your glass of Pinot Grigio, champs, or Fabellini, and toast to these wildly memorable moments in Housewives history.
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Remember when you didn't know what Turtle Time was? And remember how boring that period of your life was, too? So aren't you glad Ramona Singer brought the phrase into your vernacular during The Real Housewives of New York City "Scary Island" trip in Season 3? Just relive the moment above, and you definitely will be.
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Vicki Gunvalson , Tamra Judge , and Lydia McLaughlin painted the town red — the shade in Tamra's light-up Minnie Mouse bow headband, that is — during the ladies' trip to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico in Season 8 of The Real Housewives of Orange County . Sure, Gretchen Rossi and Heather Dubrow weren't too thrilled to be left behind at the restaurant to miss out on their joy-filled stumbling through the streets in honor of Tamra's bachelorette party, but let's just say this trio was too "happy" to notice.
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The Real Housewives of New Jersey retreat to Upstate New York was majorly intense. That was where things got physical between Joe Gorga and Joe Giudice , after all. However, there was at least one bright spot amid all the drama when Melissa Gorga got a little (OK, a lot) tipsy during dinner. It was both hilarious and adorable.
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You've got to love those Beverly Hills 'Wives. One minute they're at each other's throats during that dinner in Ojai when Brandi Glanville told Adrienne Maloof to "shut the f*** up," and then the next, they're laughing and doing cartwheels together in the bedroom. If that's not the definition of friendship, we don't know what is.
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The RHONY 'Wives are always up for a good time, but they especially let their inhibitions go during their group trip to St. Bart's in Season 5. This is the vacay that featured the New Yorkers busting a move in slinky pirate costumes , Sonja Morgan being practically naked the entire time (clip above), and her "coma toast" hangover . This trip almost makes Turtle Time look like child's play.
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You'd think that the most outrageous parties in Las Vegas would take place in the nightclubs all over the strip, but for The Real Housewives of Miami cast, the craziest time went down in the party bus when Lisa Hochstein hired "the best strippers money can buy" for Joanna Krupa 's bachelorette party featured in Season 3 of the show. We don't think Lea Black will ever be the same again — and neither will we.
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Emotions were high among The Real Housewives of Atlanta cast during their trip to South Africa in Season 4. But Marlo Hampton was able to put all of that aside when the ladies hi
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