Witcher 3 Erotic
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At its core, The Witcher 3 is a game about two things: hunting monsters and looking sexy. Surely you’ve noticed that Geralt looks like the leading dude of a trashy romance novel, yeah? I can’t be the only one that pauses at Geralt’s obsession with slathering oil on stuff, right?
Before the game even released, the developers, CD Projekt RED, boasted that the game’s sex scenes required 16 hours of motion capture data. While that doesn’t translate to 16 hours of actual sex scenes in the game, The Witcher 3 still gives the player plenty of chances to get it on with all sorts of people. Some of these encounters are hits. Some are misses.
Here are all the sex scenes in The Witcher 3 that we know about so far.
Lets start with the scene that everyone has probably seen or heard about already. To be honest, at this point, I’m a little over the unicorn thing. While its ridiculousness stunned me at first, now the entire thing seems like a huge gimmick. The scene was teased an entire month before the Conan ‘reveal.’ The game also starts out with you reading a letter from Yennefer that reminds you that the stuffed unicorn is totally a sex prop for Geralt and Yennefer. OK, CD Projekt Red. I get it. Unicorns!
It doesn’t help that Yen looks kind of Not Into It for a good portion of the scene:
Still, I will give it points for being unexpected and hilarious.
Poor Triss. She is too sweet for Geralt’s bullshit. Still, I like this scene: it requires Geralt to be honest with himself about what he wants. Maybe that turns out to be a life in a small town. Or maybe he’s more into having a nomadic happily-ever-after. Your choice!
But what really makes this scene for me is the end. Like the Dragon Age: Inquisition sex scene with the Iron Bull, this Witcher 3 erotic moment has a great sense of humor. I love it.
Kiera Metz knows what she wants. And what she wants...well, it’s probably not Geralt, to be honest. But he’ll have to do!
What I like about this romance is how playful it is. The elaborate dinner, the horse racing, the hide-and-seek portion of it—all leading into a surprisingly explicit scene.
With so many hours of mocap, you wouldn’t think that the Witcher 3 would have to resort to reusing some of the moments/animations from other sex scenes, but here we are. Boo.
At this point, it is clear that Geralt sometimes follows a very specific sex routine that he pulls out all the time. It’s the sort of reveal that makes me doubt whether Geralt is as good in bed as the game wants me to believe!
This second scene with Yennefer is fantastic. I’m fascinated by the footage shown between the naughty bits. Murderous wolves running after a deer? Animals are a cliche in sex scenes, sure, but this does a great job of capturing the complciated intensity of Yennefer and Geralt’s relationship.
In any other context, you might interpret the prey here as a stand-in for a seduced woman. But not here. Pleasure is the deer. Geralt and Yennefer are both the hunters. God damn.
It’s no wonder that other people sing songs of this love:
Behold, the best sex scene in The Witcher 3. Geralt gets tricked, big time. But he kind of deserves it, doesn’t he?
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Turns out, being good at Gwent can mean more than just winning some extra coin. Still, this scene suffers from being similar to so many other sex encounters that Geralt has.
Surely you’ve noticed that Geralt looks like the leading dude of a trashy romance novel, yeah?
He looks like a gross old perv you’d meet on the metro at 2 a.m. who’d try to grope you and claim that he “slipped.”
So you’re reading either some weird romance novels, or the word “TRASHY” is implicitly bolded and underlined.
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The Witcher 3 Ciri Erotic Portraits
The mod replaces some portraits in the Witcher 3 with erotic paintings of Ciri. It also changes the picture that displays in the inventory as the icon. Requires the Blood and Wine DLC. Credits: PaulR0013.
Note: Any other mods that swap these portraits as part of their base package are unknown now. However, if you encounter a conflict, load these mods with higher priority.
TW3 Ciri Erotic Portraits
TW3_Ciri_Erotic_Portraits.7z
The Witcher 3 Nude Philippa Eilhart
The Witcher 3 Nude Mary Louisa La Valette
The Witcher 3 Mixed Erotic Paintings
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