Wife's First Time With Another Man

Wife's First Time With Another Man

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Jan 31, 2018

Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.

The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.

I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.

What do you think?
so, your wife got drunk and danced with a guy. you were present and stopped it because you didnt like what you saw. but, in the process, you caused a scene, that your wife likely now feels responsible for.

your wife is probably not going to want to dance with anyone else, regardless of the song. not after how much her dancing with the guy seemed to blow things up. if you want to keep it from being a completely negative experience, try dancing with her yourself. the way the other guy was dancing with her.

personally, i think you did fine, except maybe the threatening the other guy thing. but, i dont know the circumstances. if you told him to piss off and he ignored you, then well, he had it coming. but if you wanted to beat him for no other reason than because he danced with your willing wife, then you have some major jealousy issues. why not be mad at your wife for it instead?

apparently, in her mind at the time, you would be ok with her dancing like that with whoever would dance with her at the time. obviously she was wrong, which is why she said she will never dance with another guy.

either keep being pissed at her or try to be an awesome and fun dance partner for her. or just add this to the list of things you two argue about. your choice.
"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau
Tough one.

Obviously you didn't approve. And if she respects you and your marriage she should apologize and act accordingly.
Yah, I agree not cool. If this was a very isolated incident, then maybe, but if a pattern, watch out!

I like your reaction. She gets mad and defensive? So what. She needs too be told in no uncertain terms, not cool!
Lots of dances are very sexy. We've learned tango, salsa, rumba, etc., and we'll dance with whoever else is at the party or club and wants to dance with us. Dance is a sensual art form, and can be very flirty in a ritualized sense, but does not mean it's sexual or has inappropriate intent. If there was no intentional touching beyond normal lead and follow techniques, and patterns that do involve some contact (wraps, etc.), then there is nothing wrong with this. Now, some people won't even let there partners dance with someone else, but this seems needlessly restrictive unless there is a prior reason to question their intentions.
Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is a cure for ignorance, but not stupidity.
Go out one night and tell her you are going out dancing. Don't come back until late.
You hear all the time that the BS has to eat a **** sandwich, but most of the time the WS -- IS the **** sandwich.
Lesson: don't get drunk especially at a mixed party. You might do something you won't remember and will later regret. You will ruin your reputation, and send your marriage into a tailspin.

Your wife was drunk. She has never done this type of thing before, right? Of course you are upset by what she did. Next time get upset if you see her drinking too much, because you now know that with too much alcohol she looses all judgement and inhibition.
i dont get yall. i have gotten drunk in public with my wife several times just to find out what she has affinities for that she is too embarrassed to tell me.

then again, im odd.
"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau
Pretty disrespectful behavior before and after. The other woman who asked if that was your wife noticed it too as well as everyone else that was there. Her reaction is BS.

You acted appropriately. Never take that kind of **** from anyone.
Any sort of sensual or sexual or flirty dancing needs to be with you own husband or wife. A married couple I know wanted to do something together so they started a salsa dancing class. They soon realised that they were being made to dance with lots of other people and said we want to dance together that's why we have come. Apparently it wasn't allowed to dance with you own spouse so they sadly left. Crazy.

You threatening the OM wasn't a good idea though, she was just as responsible and maybe more so if he wasn't married and she is. Getting drunk is never a good idea. She doesn't sound as if she was THAT drunk though if she was able to dance with this man.

Hopefully she wont do it again, but she needs to stay away from alcohol.
In Him I live and move and have my being.
The other guy crossed a boundary with his wife in public in front of her husband. Only a doormat would have stood back and said/done nothing. He got what he deserved and his wife did too.

Good lesson for both.

Alcohol is a BS excuse.
People like to use being drunk as an excuse for poor behavior but the liquor is just lowering her inhibitions. Meaning she was doing what she would like to do but needed the liquid courage to embolden her.

What do you know about this guy she was dancing with? Could they have had prior contact or opportunities to "chat" her up and so doing, build up desire in her? You better make sure. Even if it was the first time they met, you better check that he didn't slip her his number or a "friend" didn't give her info to him.

As for making a scene, you showed her and douche dancer, that you will fight for what is yours. She fought you because she expected you to take this disrespect quietly. Don't cave in. Consistently, I've seen on this and other forums as well as real life, that bold men, who check their woman have a happier and more loyal wife. Nice guys that try to be understanding, caving into ridiculous demands or fearing being called controlling are betrayed.
I think you need to consider marriage counseling.

Yes, the dirty dancing was a bit much, but she was drunk.

Touching?

We do recognize in some social circles dancing in a way that allows any contact other than the hands is totally forbidden, and you are probably seeking advice from people who adhere to that paradigm.

The other guy crossed a boundary with his wife in public in front of her husband. Only a doormat would have stood back and said/done nothing. He got what he deserved and his wife did too.

Good lesson for both.

Alcohol is a BS excuse.

"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau

Any sort of sensual or sexual or flirty dancing needs to be with you own husband or wife. A married couple I know wanted to do something together so they started a salsa dancing class. They soon realised that they were being made to dance with lots of other people and said we want to dance together that's why we have come. Apparently it wasn't allowed to dance with you own spouse so they sadly left. Crazy.

You threatening the OM wasn't a good idea though, she was just as responsible and maybe more so if he wasn't married and she is. Getting drunk is never a good idea. She doesn't sound as if she was THAT drunk though if she was able to dance with this man.

Hopefully she wont do it again, but she needs to stay away from alcohol.

"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau
OP, don't get drunk in public, you or your wife. You'll end up embarassed & humiliated. You need to discuss your situation with your wife honestly. She cannot hold her liquor in public & she behaves so foolishly. Make this your last humiliating situation. You could have hurt someone or got hurt yourself because of her drunken behavior. Make this experience your last.
Don't take her salsa dancing...yikes.

All we have is the OP's words through extremely red tinted glasses, breasts barely/almost touching, she went down and he went down, perhaps he prefers she dances like a straight board arms pinned firmly to the side.

Again, never go to latin countries my friend because your head would explode.

Hi. I really need some opinion on this matter.
My wife and I have been together for nineteen years. A few weeks ago we went to a party and both got a little drunk. Everyone at the party was having fun and dancing normally. Then a song my wife really likes was played and she went straight to the dance floor to dance with the guy who put the song on and they were the only people dancing.
The dance got dirty, he went down, then she went down, then she got close to him so that her breast touched his chest. I'm not sure it was intentional, but she was so close to him it was bound to happen. A woman at the party obviously thought it was a very inappropriate dance and she asked me isn't this YOUR wife? I was very surprised to see my wife dance like that with another guy. She has always been faithful and I have never seen her do a thing like that.
Back to the dance floor, my wife turned around and the guy now behind her put his arm around her just beneath her breasts slightly touching them. At that time I got really angry and grabbed the guy and threatened to beat him, but the house owner got in between us and stopped it. I am not a violent man, but I really wanted to beat him. My wife and I got into a heavy fight (not violent) and went home.

The next day we argued about this. She said she never touched him not even close and it was just a dance. She admitted the dance was flirty and sexual but didn't mean anything and therefore it was ok. Two days later I saw a short video clip of the dance where she is very close to the guy and her breast touches his chest. I showed her the video and she said "Oh, maybe I bumped into him unintentionally", previously saying she remembered the dance very well and there was no touching not even close to it.

I am very upset with my wife because she says this dance was "just a dance" but also says she will never dance like that again with another man. I told her I'm not sure if i trust her anymore. If she can dance like that with another guy in front of me what will she do when I'm not with her. This thing is tearing our relationship apart.

What do you think?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."
Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
Maybe you two should commit to ceasing the alcohol consumption altogether.

She won't feel the urge to do the human pretzel with a stranger and you won't feel nearly the urge to beat up a stranger. You could have been arrested.

Your wife needs to learn about boundaries.
"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them."
~ Galileo Galilei

Disclaimer: I do not respond to friend requests or PMs on any platform.
You did not do anything wrong. If I had a nickel for everytime I saw a man's wife get drunk and flirty with another man on the dancefloor, I would be a millionaire. It would not be the first time a woman overstepped her boundaries and a husband stepped in and stopped it.

And you can bet your bottom dollar that had you not been there, the guy would have taken advantage of it. Had you not stepped up, you would have lost respect in everyone's eyes and especially in your wife's eyes leading to a permanent lowering of boundaries.

So you did fine.

It's what she did that is not - especially after you stopped it and also the next day. First of all she got drunk and crossed boundaries. That should be a red flag to her of all people and she really needs to acknowledge it just as much for herself as you. Why she isn't could be due to a number of reasons. Stubborn pride, unhappiness or dissatisfaction in her marriage/life - who knows. She needs to get to the bottom of this. This may be the first step on a slippery slope. For all you know this may not have been her first step. Does she go out without you much? She may be even more flirty at work parties or even at work or when out without you.

You need to follow up on this.
This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause

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